Parents have resorted to desperate tactics to try to get their offspring into one of the few remaining schools that have less than 50 pupils in a class, teach at least some of the lessons in English, and forbid the discharging of firearms outside of lunch and morning break.
Some rent properties nearer the school, some suddenly discover a religion suspiciously similar to that of their chosen school. Some have even had their children declared as having 'special needs' or other issues from which they miraculously recover after entrance.
Back in May of this year, Mranil Patel, desperate to get her son into a popular school, lied to Harrow Council. She claimed she was living at her mother's during a brief split with her husband, but reconciled with him shortly after the school's application deadline.
Harrow Council didn't like that much, and took her straight to court, accusing her of fraud. Ms Patel faced a fine of up to £5,000, or a prison sentence. Astonishingly, for once, sanity prevailed, and the case was thrown out.
So, guess - go on, guess - what Ed 'Blinky' Ball's response was to that? It was exactly the same as this corrupt and incompetent Government's response always is when something doesn't go their way: "We must have an inquiry".
As with all such inquiries, this one by the Chief Schools Adjudicator has 'found' exactly what Blinky wanted it to. That - gasp - some naughty parents are telling naughty fibs to the State. Ummmmm. And therefore - can you see where this is going? - we need some more legislation, to make this fibbing against the law.
According to 'a source with links to the review' - that'd be the official 'leaker' then - it recommends:
"Sanctions could include a court summons, a fine or an order to undertake unpaid work"
Prosecuted for lying? Sounds great. Can anyone prosecute anyone? If so, Gordon 'you-can-tell-he's-lying-his-lips-are-moving' Brown is going to be spending a lot of time in court soon. Still, at least he'll have his entire fucking cabinet for company.
Jacqui Smith, for an obvious example, lied about where she lived, and not just to get a better education for her kids. No, fuck that, she lied so that she could help herself to hundreds of thousands of pounds of our money. Perhaps she'll be made to 'undertake some unpaid work'? No. No she won't.
It'd be nice if this rule was applied to her, but no, dream on. This will only be the State, only prosecuting the parents who've tried this little scam.
Doubtless Blinky Balls will commend this upcoming report, and everything in it. The 'ideas' he likes will be rushed into legislation, in the dying days of this fucking useless Government.
Here's another fucking idea, Blinky. Why don't you make the schools we have good enough that parents aren't driven to lying, just to ensure their children get a tolerable education?
Blinky says he's been doing that all along. Fanfaring his umpteenth fucking re-re-re-re-launch of the same tired old toss, he boasts:
"“Schools are central to our Children’s Plan vision to make this the best place in the world to grow up. School standards have been transformed over the last decade - one of the proudest achievements of this government."
“We have invested in more teachers and classroom assistants, new school buildings and facilities; created academies, trusts and specialist schools; strengthened school accountability; and introduced a fair School Admissions Code."
“The results are clear – more good and outstanding rated schools than ever before; many more young people leaving primary school secure in the basics, getting good qualifications in secondary school and staying on in education and training than a decade ago."
“The best schools already deliver a great education for all their pupils, working beyond their school gates with parents, local communities and other children’s services."
Well, that's a complete load of bollocks, isn't it Blinky?
Looks like you've been telling lies to us, to better your own position.
Shall we see you in Court?