Kicked out of Europe

"What we need.." said the senior representative of the Political Class ".. is a massive distraction. Huge. Something to take the great unwashed's attention away from bloody Brexit, give us time to smooth things over, kick things into the long grass for a bit.

Other than pies and racism, what else do they like?"

"Well, sir .." blurted the eager junior ".. they like X-Factor, and Big Brother .. oh, and Football"

"Football? Really? I thought we weren't very good at football? We're much better at Rugby, not bad at Cricket these days either. Why don't they like that?"

"Well, sir, I don't know. But they love football. Can't get enough of it. Spend a lot of the little money they have on Sky TV to watch the games, and on buying the same shirts as the players wear. Spend a lot of their time talking about how the England team are doing, and what they should do next"

"Really? Oh well, perhaps we should have the England team do something really spectacular, really memorable, to give them something to talk about in their pubs and clubs. Look into it, would you?"

"Certainly, Sir. I'll speak to the right people, and make they do something so memorable that the man in the street talks of nothing else. That'll get us off the front page of the tabloids, Sir!"