The egregious Peter bloody Hain continues to blow huge amounts of the oxygen of publicity toward Nick Griffin and the BBC.

Having repeatedly tried - and failed - to get us all to see that the BNP wasn't really a political party, and that it would be "illegal" for Griffin to go on the telly, he just can't leave it alone, so he's been moaning to the media about how terrible it all was.

"Even the lively audience could not save the BBC from itself and its awful mistake of allowing the BNP on to the Question Time panel"

Lively? The carefully selected audience were fucking foaming with rage as soon as the opening music died down, and were falling over themselves to attack Griffin. Just like you, Peter, just like you. Why would you object to that?

"The BBC’s argument was that it has a duty of impartiality to any lawful political party"

And your point is? Don't you remember the European elections, Pete?  They took a load of your party's votes, and Griffin, much as you may hate him, is an MEP. Really he is. It's called fucking democracy. NuLabour haven't quite stamped that out, in spite of trying very hard for 12 years.

"If the extremist cleric Abu Hamza formed a party and somehow passed this tiny threshold, would the BBC have put his message of hate and violence on television too?"

Perhaps. Who knows? But it's not really up to you, is it? You must be fucking furious that the BBC is not somehow obliged to ask you for permission for all the programmes they make.

"Nobody, least of all me, is suggesting the BNP be “banned” or “censored”"

Aren't you? Well it fucking looks like it from here, mate.

"There can be no justification for the BBC lining him up on the Question Time panel as if being in the BNP was just like being in another respectable party, as the rest of us lawful and democratic politicians are"

What? What the fuck?  Nick Griffin is a dangerous idiot and the BNP are a loathsome party, but - much as you might dislike it, Pete - he was lawfully, democratically elected.

"They need to be confronted and not appeased as the BBC did so tragically"

Eh? Did you actually watch the fucking show, Peter? At what point was Griffin 'appeased'?  And, while we're on this, at what point was he not confronted?  The man's views are odious, but he wasn't exactly allowed to expand upon any answers, such was the storm of booing and cat-calling. And he wasn't - unlike Jack fucking Straw - allowed to trot out any lengthy pre-prepared soundbites.

But the best quote from the idiot Hain? The piece CF has saved for last? This goes a long way to exposing the thinking that goes on in Peter's tiny, confused mind, and doubtless in the tiny minds of many of his shrill friends on the authoritarian left:

"..the free speech I have fought for all my life can never be absolute."

Yeah, you really think that, don't you?


_

So, Nick Griffin's dreams came true, and he got to appear on the real telly, with some real politicians.

And what a night it was. A glittering gallery of all the key figures, the big beasts, in British politics: MP Chris WhoHe of extremist minority party the "Lib Dems", Jack 'thought he'd retired?' Straw for Labour, Sayeeda WhoShe for Conservatives and Bonnie Greer, a random American writer, filling that vital role of black-person-sat-right-next-to-nasty-Nick-ha-ha.

Through his contacts with the BBC (you just press '1' on the remote), CF is able to bring you a full transcript of what was probably the most tedious controversial Question Time yet.

Dimbleby: "Good evening. I'd like to welcome our panel tonight. Well, all of them bar one, of course"
[audience laughs nervously]
Griffin: "I .."
[audience boos enthusiatically]
Dimblebore: "That's really quite enough from you, Mr Griffin"
[applause. Cries of 'quite right']
Dumbledore: "First, I must just apologise for the screaming and breaking glass you may be able to hear. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully stormed the building and are now peacefully smashing the place up".
Dumbledore: "..and so, to our first question. Gentleman with the cross face.."
Angry Asian: "Nick. Is it that you love Churchill and hate Muslims, innit?"
[wild applause, jeering]
Griffin: "I didn't ..."
Baroness Wassup [interrupting]: "Yes, you do, don't you, you do"
[prolonged applause]
Dumbledore: "Moving on now. I've got photos, Mr Griffin, of you standing near a man from the Klu Klux Klan. Does the very existence of these photo's not prove, beyond doubt, that you'd very much like to strap a black man to the front of your pickup and drive all round the bayou at high speed?"
Griffindor: "Well, I ..."
Bonnie Greer [interrupting]: "Don't you try to tell me about no KKK. I'm a 'merican."
[rapturous applause, cries of 'Right on', 'mmm hmmm']
Dumbledore: "I must just apologise for the smoke the audience may be able to smell. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully ripped open the filing cabinets, piled up all the scripts and books in the building, and set light to them".
Dimblebore: "..and now, for another question"
Lone non-nutter in audience: "Is it not possibly the case that some of our problems with immigration stem from Labour's policies in this area?"
[audience falls silent, confused]
Chris WhoHe: "What? Is it me? Sorry. What was the question?"
Jack Straw: "I'd like to answer that by reading out a long list of Labour's achievements, allowing the audience to refill their glasses and go to the toilet."
Baroness WhoShe: "Well that's not true is it, and ..."
Dimbleby [interrupting]: "I'm sorry, we'll have to move on. Mr Griffin is just sitting there, smiling, and no-one has booed him for nearly five minutes"
[applause, booing]
Dumbledore: "Moving on. Mr Griffin, I've got a puppy in this bag. Very cute. But it's a black puppy. Am I right in thinking that you, and members of your odious party, would like to kick it to death and then eat it?"
Griffin: "Well, that would be illegal and.."
Straw [interrupting]:: "As a member of the Government, and a Justice Minister, can I just say that I would be more than happy to change the law, right now, if I felt that it would make you look bad, Mr Griffin, or indeed make me look better."
[applause, shouts of 'go on Jack']
Dimmock: "..and so to another question. You sir, what would you like to ask the panel?"
Teenager: "Hey, Mr Griffin: instead of calling you Nick, I call you Dick"
[thunderous applause, teenager high-fived by all in the next row]
Dumbledore: "I must just apologise for the triumphant howling you may be able to hear. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully killed a BBC security guard, and are parading his head on a pole around the car park".
Dimbley:"..but now, time for one more question, and perhaps on a slightly different topic. You, sir.."
Angry black man: "Griffin, Why don't you fuck off to the Antarctic? it's all white there"
[hysterical laughter, applause, cries of 'yeah!']
Dimbleby: "Well, I'm afraid that's all we've got time for tonight. Some pretty impressive, incisive debate this evening, I think you'll agree. And to the audience, I would ask you to leave by the western exit, as the UAF have peacefully brought down a police helicopter in the eastern carpark, and are currently hacking the occupants to death with machetes. Goodnight!"
[applause, music, lights fade]


This exclusive poll taken immediately after the programme, shows the seismic affect on the political landscape:

• BNP: 0% change
• Labour: 0% change
• Conservative: 0% change
• Lib Dem.: 0% change
• Questions on other matters: 0%
• Police: 100 grand in overtime
• The public: nagging sense of an evening wasted

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