Constantly Furious: Chocolate? No cheese

Well boo hoo. Poor little Cadbury has been swallowed up by the eeevil American purveyors of fake cheese, Kraft. Apparently, it's a 'tragedy'.

The plucky little British company, where chocolate is still handmade in cauldrons in cottages by kindly smiling grannies, has been completed devoured by the faceless corporation that uses robots to manufacture nasty confectionery in enormous factories on the moon.

Well, that's the somewhat tendentious conclusion the dead tree press would have us believe.

Gordon Brown, puffing and panting like the fat kid who nearly missed the bus because he couldn't leave the sweetie shop, arrives belatedly on the scene.

McDoom has 'warned' Kraft 'not to cut jobs' at Cadbury. For fuck's sake.

"We are determined that the levels of investment that take place in Cadbury in the United Kingdom are maintained and we are determined that, at a time when people are worried about their jobs, that jobs in Cadbury can be secure.”"

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you really believe, Gordy, that Kraft give a flying fuck what you think?

You're as utterly powerless here, Gordo, as you are in everything else.

And, of course, as the Evening Standard pointed out last night..

"..the sale of the company was in the end made inevitable by the Government's attitude towards such takeovers."

Well, yeah.

What happened to BAA? In spite of the 'B' standing for 'British', our major airports are in fact owned by a bunch of Spaniards. And shouldn't airports be just a tiny bit more important than Creme Eggs?

And what about 'our' water companies? And 'our' electricity companies? They provide services far more essential than consolation for fat birds, and yet they were snapped up by filthy foreigners with hardly a word from the Government.

So, The Lord High Mandelson can bleat about saving British jobs, but he knows deep in his flinty black heart that it's too late: the deal's done. Gordo knows it too. There's only showboating, now.

As soon as Kraft need to cut costs - and that'll be pretty fucking soon - some of those smiling grannies are going to be relieved of their cauldrons. And their income.

Still, at least Gordon can remind them that their misery "'started in America".

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