What is it NOW?
Just when you thought that MP's as a species could sink no lower, that they were irretrievably sunk in the mire of their own filthy ways, the greedy, self-serving bastards prove you wrong.
Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon - not exactly the most glorious trio in the history of modern politics - were all apparently thick enough - and greedy enough, and desperate enough - to fall for a sting by a fake US lobbying firm. Really? Yes, really. For fuck's sake.
In the kind of pathetically obvious trap usually used to get dimwitted models to offer ten grand shags, or even more dimwitted footballers to offer Cup Final tickets in exchange for a couple of lines of coke, these grasping MP's were easily tripped by their own own greed.
Asked whether they'd be interested in whoring influence for cash, all three fell flat on their backs, legs apart, pound signs flashing in their piggy little eyes, not hearing the whirr of the tape recorder.
Byers was particularly boasftful of his connections and influence. He told an undercover reporter he had secured secret deals with ministers, could get confidential information from Number 10 and was able to help firms involved in price fixing get around the law.
He even offered access to Tony Blair for Christ's sake, although why anyone would want that - other than to smash his stupid, grinning face in - is hard to imagine.
And he offered all this for mere five grand a day, the grasping bastard.
It's all gone down about as well as a glass of cold sick at Labour HQ, and the handful of Labour MP's who actually have some hopes of having a seat after the upcoming election have scurried to distance themselves from this lastest fiasco.
"Ridiculous", says Alistair Darling; the boy Milliband is "..appalled". In a sinister statement, that should have Byers looking over his shoulder, Archduke Mandleson says that he has "no recollection" of any meeting with Byers.
Politicians from other parties, grinning with relief, have also weighed in: "..very, very sleazy" says Nick Clegg. First thing he's got right this year.
"Shocking", says CallMeDave Cameron, pinching his own thigh under the table to stop himself smiling.
And as for Gordon Brown, well, he's ... he's ... what? Yes, what?
What does the Leader of the party from which all these greedy sleazebags came think?
What does the Prime Minister of the Government enmired in this scandal have to say?
As ever, no-one knows. Not a fucking word.
Macavity 'Courage' Broon has vanished.
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