Constantly Furious

With all the excitment around the news that Gordon Brown is finally going to drag his sorry, clunking, worthless arse up to the Palace, and ask the Queen to put us all out of his misery, it's a good day to slip out bad news.

And sure enough, today's the day that lots of new legislation oozes into force. Today's the day that our naughty, naughty drinking is curbed even more by bossy Nanny State. Oh yes.

Today we get a 'mandatory drinking code', where..

"..irresponsible promotions including "all you can drink for £10” deals, including women drink free deals and speed drinking competitions will be banned"

Banned? What?

And a little legislation is never enough for the Righteous. No, they always want more laws, more precise laws. And so..

".. other deals that are made unlawful are "dentists’ chairs” where drink is poured directly into the mouths of customers"

So now there's a specific ban on a specific drinking game. Sweet Jesus.

Where do you draw the line? Oh that's right, Nanny never does draw the line. She just keeps pushing, pushing, pushing, never stopping, like some sort of grotesque Terminator, come from the 1970's, programmed to kill off all of our rights.

So there's yet more. Landlords must also ensure that..

"..small measures of beer, wine and spirits are on offer to customers, so they have the choice to drink less."

Yeah. We could give them names too, these brand new small drinks, couldn't we? We could call them a 'half' of beer, a 'small glass' of wine and a 'single' of spirits, couldn't we? You cocks.

Bear in mind that the Government that has just introduced this fuckwitted new legislation is exactly the fucking same government that decided it would be a great idea to let pubs open 24 hours a day. What for? So we could all get a cup of fucking tea at 3:30am? That's about all we'll be able to buy in bars soon, isn't it?

Just. Fuck. Right. Off.

Naturally, the whole things been ballsed up, right from the start:

".. there was confusion last night over how the new ban will be enforced after it emerged that the Home Office has failed to send out any guidelines to trading standards officers at councils who will have to enforce the ban."

Dear God. These arsewipes can't even run a draconian authoritarian state properly, in spite of practising for the last 13 years.

But, while the guidelines have apparently been eaten by the Home Office's dog, the punishments, the threats, the coercion that will be applied, is all too clear:

"Bar and club owners who fail to comply with the new code risk losing their licence, a fine of up to £20,000 and six months in prison under the new code."

Yeah. You hear that? 'Fail to comply' and you're going to prison, bitches. Let some blokes kick off a 'Boat Race', or break out the Yard of Ale, and you're going down.

Oh for fuck's sake. Who will rid us of the fucking Righteous?

Pass the fucking Tequila, would you?

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