We still await, with barely-concealed irritation and boredom, the collection of lies and soon-to-be-broken promises that will make up the Labour Manifesto.

While we wait, Gordon Brown is dropping some clunking hints as to the sort of things that'll be in it, including yet another little politics-of-envy dig at those eevil bankers.

Speaking at the Royal Institution, Gordo' shared his views with a grateful nation:

“This year we have seen a welcome reduction in the proportion of revenues global investment banks have paid out in bonuses."

Welcome? Why the fuck is it welcome? Why is paying anybody less money 'welcome', unless you're a spiteful, envious little Socialist? Oh that'll be it.

Broon continued:

"..we need to ensure that this is a structural change not a one-off response to public pressure"

Yeah? When have you and you woeful fucking party ever done anything other than one-off, short-term reactions to public opinion?

What was the last stupid 'Bonus tax' for? Was that a 'structural change'? Of course it fucking well wasn't, it was a 'one off response' to the indignation you'd whipped up yourselves for political advantage.

So what will you do now Gordon?

"So I can say that in our manifesto our Financial Services Authority will be given powers to quash those contracts which incentivise reckless risk-taking and instability.”

Oh Gordon, you fucking moron, we've been through this before haven't we? Most bankers - or most of those CF has known and worked with - do not have their bonus details written in their contracts.

Surely you know that? Surely one of your thousands of advisers that we pay for has told you that? Surely someone at the FSA could tell you that? Actually probably not - they're usually the last to know what's going on.

But if you spoke to anyone who did know - and of course, listened to them - you'd know that there is no contract to 'quash', no deal for you to force banks to renege on, no agreement for you to override.

Well of course you know, Gordo. You know damn well.  But you also know that the majority of the great British public doesn't know or care how bankers bonuses work.

So all this is, McBroon, is yet another piece of tedious, unworkable, bash-the-banker bullshit. A sop to the idiots like Billy Bragg, bringing about a socialist Utopia from the study in his mansion. Another attempt to appeal to your core vote, all the other spiteful and envious socialists.

As his medication began to wear off, Brown lost his place in his notes and lapsed into pure gibberish:

“Markets are built on values that they cannot themselves generate.”

Huh? What? Nope, sorry, Gordon, that makes no sense whatsoever. Like most of what you say, really.

But he then rallied, and managed to trot out his soundbite:

“Markets do need morals"

No they fucking don't. They, like the rest us, need something else, Gordon.

You to fuck off.

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Gordon Brown today hauled himself to his feet, picked up his giant marker-penned notes and addressed the thrillingly named 'Major Economies Forum'. And, yes, we're back on that ol' Green bandwagon.

As usual with this PR-hungry, news-manipulating, glory-seeking fucking government, we didn't have to wait for the speech to get reports on what McBroon actually said. No, we got the full pre-spin, the Labour party's announcement of how great the speech was going to be. Naturally, the BBC had been fed endless quotes from the not-yet-made-speech and was broaqdcasting them at 6 a.m., before Brown had even clapped eye on it.

And magnificent, stirring stuff it was. Putting his hand to his forehead, throwing his head back and gazing keenly into the distance, Brown announced in sonorous tones that "We only have fifty days to save the world". Dunt-dunt-dahhh!!!

And of course, Gordon would know: he's always having to save the world. Full-time job, virtually. Save the world from this, save the world from that, and all the while grinning like a lunatic. No wonder his wife takes over the Labour party conference to remind us what an utter hero he is.

But hang on a minute. Why the fuck is Brown doing all this? Don't we already pay a Minister - and a whole fucking department - to worry about the climate? Isn't that little Ed Milliband's job? Wasn't he the author of this patronising and badly received bollocks, urging us all to join in with the pathetic Eds Pledge?

What the flying fuck does Gordon Brown know about climate change? Other than, of course, that its been a fantastic way for him to raise taxes on motorists for the last few years. Filling the coffers by tripling the cost of tax discs, then claiming it's all for the polar bears.

So, Broon, isn't this just yet another cynical attempt at jumping onto a bandwagon?

Your government's on its last legs, no-one wants you to be Prime Minister a minute longer, millions are out of work, soldiers are dying in Afghanistan because you won't give them any equipment and what have you decided to do?

You've decided to muscle in on wee Ed Milliband's job, do a bit of showboating on the world stage, get your gurning grey visage on the telly and in the papers. Well, it won't fucking work.

You won't save your sorry arse pretending to be Green, Brown.


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