If only Harriet 'Hattie' Harman were dead - and how often do we wish that? - she'd be spinning in her grave today.

The Daily Telegraph has a feature today on wimmin candidates for the upcoming General Election. For fuck's sake, surely that's not a novelty any more, is it?

Apparently so, because the Telegraph is all agog to reproduce their views. And they're not happy. Oh no. According to the headline:

"The latest generation of female candidates would rather be judged on their brains, not their beauty"

They complain how often they are underestimated, or misjudged.

"It should be about what you can achieve, not about being glam or pretty"

 says Labour PPC, Bridget Phillipson. Dr Michelle Tempest agrees:

“We need to keep plugging the message: I’m around for policy and that is all"

The Tory ladies made it clear that they do not, under any circumstances, wish to be referred to as "Cameron's cuties".

All very commendable, no doubt. Very egalitarian.

There's just one tiny catch. All of these ladies were quoted from an interview which took place with that Jordan-brushed-her-teeth. Kerry-did-a-poo celebrity crap-festival, Grazia magazine. Not exactly Hansard, is it?

And better yet, get this, the interview took place while they were doing a .. wait for it.. photoshoot. In the Houses of Parliament.

Is that pretty frock part of your campaign then, sweetheart? What's your fucking cleavage got to do with policy, love? Is your lovely shiny hair what you've 'achieved'?

Dear god. Have you forgotten, ladies? You're wanna-be politicians: when you get power, you'll fuck us; we don't want to fuck you.

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Dawn Butler is currently the Labour MP for Brent South,  while Lib Dem Sarah Teather represents Brent East.

In the supposedly-coming general election, due to boundary changes, there'll be only one seat - Brent Central. Two girls, one seat.

Naturally, both ladies are desperate to make this seat their own, and have begun scrapping already.

Dawn Butler is worried that she's tainted by the revelation that she's been a-troughing, claiming for a 'whirlpool bath', whatever the fuck that is, for her 'second' home, a home which is no further from the House of Commons than her fucking main home.

That won't play well with the voters of Brent Central, will it?

So Dawn's desperation's doubled.  In fact so desperate is Ms. Butler that she is already expanded her campaign to include to the standard Labour tactic: rather than think of some policies, smear your opponents.

There's been a buzz in blogland for some time about Sarah Teather's somewhat dodgy use of office allowances. While making a lot of noise about not claiming any second home allowance, she seems to have quietly used our money to pay for political canvassing on her office 'phone lines. And, while not having a second home, she seems to have paid her entire constituency party rent bill from her allowances.

Recently, Commissioner John Lyon received a formal complaint on these very matters from a Mr Shahid Razzaq, and began an investigation.

However, when Lyon spoke with Mr Razzaq to follow up, he denied having made the complaint. He also  pointed out that he did not actually live at the address given on the complaining letter.

Lyon then received another complaint, also supposedly from Mr Razzaq, at a different address. This second address wasn't Mr Razzaq's either. In fact, better still, this address did not actually exist at all.

A little bit of further investigation revealed that Mr Razzaq is the brother-in-law of Leanna Ait-Younnes. And who's she? Why she's someone who - wait for it - works for Dawn Butler. What a fucking surprise. Isn't that an astonishing coincidence?

In a further amazing coincidental twist, Ms Ait-Younnes own address is nearly identical to the false address given on the second complaint.

Naturally, dodgy Dawn has denied absolutely everything, bleating “I don’t know what my staff do 24 hours a day”. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ms Teather, in spite of her relief at having the investigation dropped - or at least, dropped until a real person complains - is not happy:

“The British public are sick to the back teeth of Labour ministers trying to distract from their own failings by smearing their opponents.

“Joanna Lumley and others taking on Labour ministers have all learnt that when Labour are desperate they resort to innuendo, smears and lies.

“Dawn Butler’s second home expenses were revealed by the Telegraph. Even Labour can’t spin their way out of that one.”

Oh, it's all so fucking pathetic. Such desperation for power. Smear and counter-smear.

CF hopes that somehow, both of these silly bitches lose.

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