Constantly Furious

The nation waits with bated breath for tonights televisual debates. Well, most of the nation. Not Crazy Elmont though - he already knows what's going to happen:

• Throughout the day the 24 hour news channels will be trotting out media professors, hacks-for-hire, and lower-level MPs to tell us how important and ground-breaking the debates will be.

• Once they’ve started the actual debate Twitter will be awash with RTs from Ellie Gellard, Kerry McCarthy, Alistair Campbell, Eric Pickles, Iain Dale, Shane Greer and John Prescott. Each of these people will be treating their 140 character soundbite regurgitation as the last word in political wisdom.

• Once it’s finished any minor slip ups or reasonably funny quips will be repeated 4 times an hour for the next 3 days on TV, as if the person who said them has admitted raping their sister as a child.

• Tomorrows papers will see the Guardian and the Mirror come out saying Brown won. Almost everyone else will have Cameron winning. Clegg might get The Indy if he’s lucky. The only thing to watch out for is if The Guardian wheels out John Harris, Polly Toynbee, Michael White and Jackie Ashley all in one day. There is the potential for a terminal smugness overload.

• At the end of this circus we will know exactly the same about the actual policies as we did before, very little.

Anyone want to bet against any of those predictions?

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