Constantly Furious

The Foreign Office has had to apologise for what they call a "foolish" internal document, which mocks one of the Sky Fairy's main men here on earth: it actually - gasp - makes some facetious jokes about the Pope.

A source told the BBC News website the individual since moved to other duties had called the group of junior staff together for "some blue-skies creative thinking" about how to make the Pope's visit a success".

The group suggested Benedict XVI could show his hard line on the sensitive issue of child abuse allegations against Roman Catholic priests by "sacking dodgy bishops" and launching a helpline for abused children. It also listed "positive" public figures who could be made part of the Pope's visit, including former Prime Minister Tony Blair (what? that war-monger?) and pop-moose Susan Boyle.

Then, inevitably, bored by such a tedious subject, staff began to make flippant suggestions.

The document went on to propose the Pope could apologise for the Spanish Armada or sing a song with the Queen for charity. Then, gathering momentum, someone suggested the Pope's visit to the UK could be marked by the launch of "Benedict" condoms. Another wag countered with the idea that pope could be invited to open an abortion clinic. How about we get him to bless a gay marriage? How they must have chuckled!

But then, inevitably, some joyless member of the Righteous took offence, and an inquiry had to be launched. Inevitably the document got leaked, so that lots more people could join in and also take offence.

A Foreign Office spokesman said the department was "deeply sorry" for any offence the document had caused. Naturally, Foreign Secretary David Miliband "appalled" by the incident. Yeah, right.

The individual responsible has been "transferred to other duties". He's also "been told orally and in writing that this was a serious error of judgement and has accepted this view."

And that's that. A tiny storm in a tiny teacup.

They're all a lot luckier than they realise, these junior staff. Just imagine if, instead of the Pope, the visitor being discussed was Muslim cleric. Imagine that.

The front page of every paper would carry the story.

The Foreign Office would be beseiged. Angry men with beards would have been waving banners in the street outside, shouting and shaking their fists.

Professional offence-takers would have poured petrol all over the fire: Yasmin Alibhai-Brown would had bored us all to tears with her endless outpourings.

Milliband would have been under enormous pressure to resign, to apologise, to cry on television.

Investigations would have taken place at all levels. The 'racism' word would somehow get itself attached to the proceedings.

And, of course, the identities of the 'junior staff' would have been leaked, by a Muslim sympathiser.

And then they would have been 'properly' punished for their temerity - windows broken, cars smashed up.

Remember what happened to Theo Van Gogh, who was not entirely positive about Islam? A dissenter to his views ..

".. shot van Gogh eight times with an HS 2000 handgun, and Van Gogh died on the spot. .. then cut Van Gogh's throat, and stabbed him in the chest. Two knives were left implanted in his torso, one attaching a five-page note to his body. "

So, very lucky indeed. 'Transferred to other duties' is a lot better than dead, eh?

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