Allan Wallace is standing as an Independent in the EU elections. His platform is described on his blog, so no need to repeat it in full here, but basically..

"As an Independent I am free to argue and campaign to return sovereign powers to the UK, to pursue trade deals that put the people of Britain first and to ensure every penny that goes into Europe brings real, material benefits to Britain."

To do this, he needs - duh - cash. So he's been looking into raising money, and ..

"What I discovered was donations to political parties of up to £500 can be deducted from the donator's tax bill"

but the rules have been biased to support 'parties' not individuals, so..

"..basically, the parties shut out the competition. Only a party can thieve from the exchequer. In a cosy little arrangement they've ensured that it's extremely difficult for any new party to raise money and virtually impossible for independents"

So he's put a donation button on his blog, and ..

"In fact, I'm so bloody angry about this I'm going to make it my mission if elected to make all donations to politicians subject to tax. How bloody dare they imagine they can blithely thieve from us all. And, unlike them, I'll make it clear where every penny of donations goes to so you can see what your money buys. I'll publish a clear list after the election on this blog"

CF reckons that's a good cause. Go and have a look, then donate if you agree.

The writers at Dailymash always know how to write satire that's only an inch or so from the reality. Constantly Furious laughed out loud at this particular gem:

A Downing Street spokesman later added: "We've put the country £1.4 trillion in debt, government ministers are chin-deep in sleaze and the cops are beating merry hell out of everyone. We just felt that the obvious next step was to tell thousands of heroic soldiers to go fuck themselves."

You couldn't make it up..

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Labour MP Tom Harris was quick to blog criticising Nick Clegg after yesterdays Gurkha vote had gone so badly wrong. He accused Clegg of being a "mug" for allowing Cameron to "muscle in" on the issue.

However, he was equally quick to regret this in the cold light of day, and published a simple apology:

"I accept that rather than try to score cheap political points out of Clegg’s and Cameron’s alliance, I should simply have either conceded that we screwed up on this one, or shut up altogether"

Bravo. Good man. CF likes to see an MP with a bit of integrity, regardless of his colours.


_

CF just read the Daily Mail story that some poor, poor little piggies are so worried about their expenses claims (made completely accidentally, of course, and within the rules, of course) that they might be considering slitting their trotters.

In the midst of drafting some acerbic remarks, CF noticed this, from Steve Green at Daily Referendum:

If the Whips are putting MPs on "Suicide watch" and there are many rumours of Ministers being forced to resign when the receipts are published, then why are these people still in a job? It is more than obvious that the Whips and Gordon Brown know about their dodgy colleagues' activities. So why are they being allowed to take the taxpayers money?

Will No10 claim they knew nothing about their crooked and adulterous MPs? If they do, then I think we can say that they will be lying through their teeth. If Gordon Brown and his Whips know about dirty MPs then I want to know who they are NOW. I don't want them to receive a single penny more of my money. I do not want to wait until July for these despicable people to lose their jobs.

CF couldn't have put it better himself.

_

Apparently,

"Manchester United hold the edge in the battle for a place in the Champions League final after John O'Shea's early goal gave them victory in an absorbing encounter with Arsenal"

Or, could it be that 22 overpaid teenagers kicked a bag of wind around a small field while 50,000 lager-crazed morons bellowed their approval?

_

No good news for Gordon today, wherever he looks. Even Labourhome has a bit of a go at him, saying:

"There is I believe, virtual total unanimity among the genuine grassroots that the leadership needs to be turfed out. The response on my last blog and on Labourlist demonstrate this amply. Nobody could say anything in praise of this pathetic shower, this malign cabal that has torn the party apart for 15 years."

It would appear that, what with Jarvis Cocker, Labourlist and Labourhome all turning their backs, Gordon is edging closer and closer to the door.

_

Man-in-a-shed worries that The government is still not acting fast enough on swine flu but Constantly Furious has got some good news: the official website is now up and running.

The sites uses advanced AI techniques to provide you with a swift and reassuring diagnosis.

Check out the Do I have Pig Flu site immediately- it'll put your mind at rest.

_

Many in this world-that-we-call-Blog are moaning that Cameron wasted his chances in PMQ's today. Why didn't he mention the petition? Why didn't he finish Gordon off, now he's on the ropes? Why didn't he have another pop about expenses? Why doesn't he grow a pair?

But Constantly Furious doesn't agree.

To attack on "Westminster Village" issues, when the Swine Flu is all over the press, and everyone's concerned about the Gurkhas, would have made him look small-minded and partisan: just like you-know-who.

But by sticking to real concerns, that the public currently care about, made him look like a PM-in-waiting. And had the opposite effect on Brown, who - especially on the Gurkhas - looked confused, angry and isolated.

And then, as a little who-could-have-wished-for-better bonus, Brown gave the house his impersonation of a bewildered 90 year-old Alzheimer's patient, and wandered off just as he was due to give his statement on Afghanistan. Sky has the video here - you can hear the mocking laughter, and see the consternation on the Labour benches.

So, Dave, no need to flail about. Steady as she goes...


_

Here's what I think Dave should do at PMQ's:

Dave: Is the Prime Minister aware that there is a petition, on his own website, calling for him to resign, with over 27,000 signatures already?

Gordon: I'm far too busy saving the world to take any notice of petitions from the public. Perhaps the party opposite would prefer it if I wasted my time listening to the public rather than .. er ... oh ...er... [sits down]

All: ahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahaaha..... [continue until retirement on health grounds]

_

Pulp Front-man and pop legend Jarvis Cocker has been a life-long socialist, a fact that comes through strongly in many of his highly shoutable songs.

However, even he's had enough:

"I think his [Gordon Brown's] behaviour just makes a mockery of the whole system .. a Conservative government is necessary. There is no credible alternative. You can sense an era passing .."

Will the last person to abandon the Labour Party please switch out the lights?

_

Even that well-thought-of bastion of "grown up" news, the Economist, has noticed what's going on on teh Interwebs. In this piece, in Bagehot's Notebook, he notes:

"It is getting to the point where people talk about Mr Brown's YouTube bloopers in the way they discuss, say, episodes of "Friends" or "Monty Python" ("have you seen the one where the prime minister claims he's saved the world..."). On top of that, of course, there was Daniel Hannan's vicious attack on the prime minister in the European parliament (more than 2m views and counting). Now there is the petition on the Downing Street website calling for Mr Brown to step down."

Fantastic - another plug for the petition. Worryingly, the rate of signing seems to have slowed down - its still only on the low 20,000's, having been stuck there most of today. If you haven't done so yet, go and sign it now!

Bagehot then concludes

"The internet hasn't yet made a politician in Britain. But the comic relief it affords bored office workers is helping to finish off poor Mr Brown. "

Let's hope so..

Self-proclaimed Dundee wifey Subrosa is carrying an open letter to Gordon from a soldier he "dropped in on" yesterday whilst trying to hide away from the rest of us:

"Do you and other politicians realise how inconvenient these 'moral boosting' visits are to us here in Afghanistan? I truly do not think you have any idea and if you do then it's of little interest to you.

A number of soldiers, because of your 'impromptu' visit, had their R & R delayed. They have been working every day for two months and really needed to get away from the smell of war and the taste of fear but no, that was not to be. We had to be available to have breakfast with you, orders are orders. Not only were these particular soldiers affected by your visit, the whole routine of the camp was upset because others were taken off normal duties recently to see to your security and travel arrangements. There were your henchmen to be considered too with their numerous demands.

So all in all you've upset many hard working soldiers who are unable to tell you what they think because freedom of speech is denied them. But I can tell you. Politicians using our troops in this way is tantamount to abuse. You and your ilk contribute nothing by visiting us. Please stay away and let us perform our duties. "

See, Gordon, no-one wants you. Not there, not here.

Man-in-a-shed has done some research, here, into the soon-to-be-with-us swine-flu epidemic and the governments (lack of) response and planning.

Its all quite entertaining when the Government fucks up a trip to Obama's house, or their expenses claims, or their smear campaigns.


It'll be a lot less hilarious when they fuck this up..

Labour MP Tom Harris is moaning here about some fuckwitted climate protesters who've glued themselves to something or other. His suggestion?

So why don’t they stand for election and find out if the people of this country would actually prefer to ...

What, Tom, like your beloved leader did, to become leader of your party? Like your party did in October 2007 to seek a new mandate?

Oh, the hypocrisy!


UPDATE: Constantly Furious put a very similar comment on the offending blog, just after posting this: it never saw the light of day. Moderated away. Odd, that...
_

Loved this, by Morten Morland in the Times.

Importers of Chinese crap DealExtreme have excelled themselves with this one. It's a 'phone with a built in shaver.

Now there's something we had no idea we needed. But for just $84.50 (about 500 quid) you can be clean-shaven and in touch.

Perhaps Gordon Brown could get one next time he breaks his Nokia in a rage.

So, we're all chuffed and delighted that the "F*ck off Gordo" petition has now passed the 10,000 signature mark. Surely this is an up-swell of popular opinion. Surely the one-eyed mentalist is even now clearing the contents of his desk into a black bin bag?

But wait ... let's do some investigative journalism ...

There are several other petitions on the site; one of them is a pretty-bloody-obscure request that the RNLI ("the lifeboats, mum") don't have to pay for the use of certain radio frequencies.

That petition, while highly worthy, could only be of interest to lifeboat-men (bless 'em) and to the numerous sailors who have been / will be hauled from the freezing sea by these heroes.

But that petition has ... wait for it .... over 28,000 signatures.

I don't think I need to do the maths for you here. Unless we see a bit of a surge in the anti-Gordon petition, he's going to (quite rightly) conclude that nearly 3 times as many people want the RNLI to get a free pass to say "over and out" to each other all day as want him to JUST F*CK OFF.

So, in the name of god, SIGN THE PETITION.

Obnoxio the clown getting all upset because Cameron didn't smash the place up or fire an AK47 into the air during his speech today.

Calm down dear.

If I felt as fucking ill as this poor country currently is, I'd want a competent doctor quietly telling me he'd be making me well as soon as possible, not Begbie out of Trainspotting picking a fight with all and sundry..

Today's wishy-washy pinko Independent is shrieking excitedly about David Cameron going to South Africa - 20 years ago.


Jesus. I wet the bed when I was 4, but it didn't prevent me being awarded my degree 20 years later, and I don't expect it to be brought up in job interviews.


Looks like Guido's little exercise did even better than we thought - he seems to have knocked all the teeth out of the Labour attack dogs, if this is the best smear they can line up for the Tory conference.

_

The petition to get rid of Gordo. He'll take no f*ckin' notice (when did he ever listen to anyone, especially the public?) but you'll feel a lot better...

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/please-go/

Sign it!

All day - ALL SODDING DAY - the BBC News page has been running as its headline

"TAX RISE NOT THE END OF NEW LABOUR"

If we all bow our heads and pretend to agree with this nonsense, do you think Mandy will let them take it down?

Tom Harris explains and justifies the budget.

"The Tories had apparently come up with a ripping wheeze in order to make sure
Nadine Dorries was called to ask a question about Smeargate. So they decided
that, until Nadine was called, none of her colleagues would attempt to “catch
the Speaker’s eye” by standing up between questions."

but

"..she did not shine.."

and

"..Gordon’s response was confident and appropriate .."

and then..

"..Labour and Liberal members cheered as the Speaker deliberately avoided
calling Tories who had colluded in their little scheme. Not a single other
Tory was called from the floor.. "

How we chortled!!

Well, now I feel I fully understand the budget, the governments policy and the thinking behind it. Thank heaven for some cool headed, non-partisan commentary on today's vitally important session.

Cheers Tom!

Oracle: SELECT * FROM Sun

 

Geddit? No? Ah well...

Where were you, Dave?  Gordon Brown has, yet again, seized the high ground from under your nose..

Brown proposes expenses overhaul

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8009901.stm

 

This from John Redwood (my emphasis):

We are not going to get anywhere all the time lazy people in the media conduct interviews about how difficult it is to cut spending because it means cutting schools or hospitals. We need to cut through Labour’s lie that their opponents came into politics to sack teachers and make nurses weep. I know of no MP who has ever wanted to do that. You can have all the nurses, doctors, teachers, military personnel, fire staff, police and other front line public servants we already have for under one quarter of public spending. So let’s start asking soem questions about the other three quarters. Let’s apply some of the efficiency driving logic from the private sector to the public sector.

Hear, hear, spaceman!!!

Hardly satire...



(Hat-tip to TB)

One of these fat, unpleasant, overpaid tubs of ineptitude is rumored to be losing his job shortly.
And so's the other.

So, let's look at the facts..

• He was a key member of the G10, which later evolved into the G20;

• He worked on Threadneedle Street, scene of the recent shockingandunprovoked state-sponsored violence;

• He was rumoured to have been against Quantative Easing

And now suddenly he's dead. The official line is "after a long battle with cancer". But haven't we heard similarly misleading statements already this week?

I think some red italics are required. What have you done now, Gordon?

In response to this most excellent post, by Old Holborn:

So what are you waiting for? 3,000 people a day visit us here. Start your own blogs, call Jacqui a cunt and that's 3000 more insults that Meltwater will have to report back to Jacqui.

Newspaper editors can be bought and won't publish letters calling Jacqui a cunt. The BBC won't allow you to call Jacqui a cunt on any TV show or phone in. You'll be arrested and DNA'ed if you write it on a wall or shout it outside Parliament. All of the mechanisms to protect Jacqui are in place.

Except YOUR voice. Here. On a blog. I dont care if you use our comments section to do it, or do it on your own blog. But do it. They are paying people to listen to what you are saying, so let's make sure they hear us loud and fucking clear.

60,000,000 of us
646 of them.

It costs not one penny to blog. Not one penny to leave a comment at Guidos, Dales, anywhere. And they ARE hearing your voice, even if they are not listening.

So, yes, Jacqui Smith is a cunt; and so say all of us...