WE bought the winning ticket

While CF doesn't begrudge anyone a bit of good old fashioned luck, there was a surge of rage when he read the story of the couple from Largs in Ayrshire, named as the winners of the £161m Euromillions jackpot. Lucky, lucky guys, eh?

So, what were they doing before this unimaginable wealth?

The Weirs have both had serious health conditions in recent years and have not been able to work. Colin, 64, had previously worked as a television cameraman and Chris, 55, is a fully-trained psychiatric nurse

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Not "been able" to work? OK, so the state stepped in and supported you, then? Rather too well, it would seem, judging by the amount of food you'd both seem to have consumed in recent years.

And tell us how it was when you won, would you?

"I started circling the numbers I had matched but wasn't doing very well. Then on the fifth line, all the circles seemed to join up."

What? Wait. The fifth line? The fucking fifth? Each entry into the Euro lottery costs 2 quid, right? So you lucky, lucky people spent at least ten quid on the lottery. While you were both on benefits.

Did you do that every week? Did you start doing it twice a week when the Euro millions started on Tuesdays too? Bet you fucking did.

Exactly how much of your benefits, which came out of our taxes, did you spend on the fucking lottery, eh? And did you ever feel guilty while you were doing so?

And what will you do now? Will you start to 'give back', in grateful recognition of what the state did for you?

"We have both always wanted to see the Great Wall of China and Colin would love to stand at the foot of Ayres Rock in Australia," said Chris.

Yeah? Well so would a fuck of a lot of people, only they can't, because they have to pay a fuck of a lot of tax, apparently so that the state can give it to fat people, to spend on lottery tickets.

For fucks sake.


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