The Queen of the Troughers, the biggest pig of all, Baroness Uddin, has got away with it. She will not face charges, it has been announced.

All together now: What?

What the fuck? What the flying, festering fuck? How? Why the fucking hell not?

Let's remind ourselves. This greedy, thieving bitch claimed 100 grand from the taxpayers by keeping an empty flat (unfurnished, never lived in, say neighbours) in Kent as her designated residence.

Because she claimed (falsely) that her main residence was outside London, Uddin also pocketed £174 every day she attended the Lords for the cost of accommodation in the capital.

Receipt? Not needed for Baronesses. Oh no

And just as fucking well: Baroness Uddin claimed a total of £29,675 for accommodation in 2007/8, a time when the maximum daily accommodation claim was £165 a day. Her bill represents a claim at the maximum possible rate for 179 days which is .. wait for it ..  more days than the Lords actually sat that year. Dear God.

Fraud upon fraud. She wasn't even smart enough to control her greed, and limit the number of claims she made to the maximum possible.

But it gets worse: the flat she really lived in was Social Housing - a council flat. The housing association receives a massive subsidy (again, from taxpayers) and can therefore keep the average rent for its properties at around a sixth of the market rate.

Even though she was not remotely entitled to Social Housing: she has a very nice income from a number of highly-remunerated directorships at major companies, including former ITV giant Carlton Television, and was a senior employee (and parliamentary consultant, ho ho) for the Excelcare nursing home group, for fuck's sake.

So why did she get on of these rare flats? Is it perhaps in any way related to the fact that no less than three of the people on the Board of Management of Spitalsfield Housing Association (who provide this dirt-cheap accommodation to the needy) also have the surname Uddin? Is it? Well of course it fucking well is.

Another piece of fucking blatant, who-cares-what-the-little-people-think fraud, right there.

And yet there's absolutely nothing, nothing at all, wrong with any of this, according the CPS. They can't pin anything at all on her.

She's done nothing wrong at all? The bitch can keep our money? She can keep her susidised council flat?

Baroness Uddin is an untouchable, is she?

Oh, for fucks sake.



++ update ++ : who else noticed that this news was carefully 'released' at exactly the same moment as the British Airways strike was announced? The tweets, the SMS's appeared side-by-side. Funny, that...


++ update 2 ++ According to Paul Waugh, "MI5 chief Eliza Manningham-Buller to investigate Baroness Uddin re exes, the Clerk of Parliaments announces." Fucking great.

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The smiling chap on the right, his jolly face raised briefly from the trough, is Lord Paul of Marylebone.

A Labour peer, a friend of our beloved PM, and one of the Labour Party's largest financial backers.

He's a multi-millionaire, and so wealthy that, although he sits in the House of Lords, he's not actually domiciled in this country "for tax reasons".

Not so wealthy, however, that he's above gouging the taxpayer (who don't get any of his money) for a few quid on expenses.

In the recent round-ups, we learned that My Lord claimed around 38,000 pounds in expenses. That must have topped the coffers up nicely, eh?

But why, given that he acknowledges to everyone bar the taxman that he's lived in London for 40 years, was it so expensive to get this chap to work?

Ah well, that's because Lord Paul solemnly informed the expenses wallahs that a tiny flat in Oxfordshire - actually occupied by an employee of his - was his "main home".

When this came to light recently, did the good Lord apologise? Did he dip into his virtually bottomless pockets, fish out some small change and pay the 38 large back? Did he fuck.

He stuck to his greedy guns. He admitted that he'd never spent a single night in the flat, but argued that it was “available” for his use: he could have moved his employee out had he "wished to stay there" – but chose not to. What?

In the face of such pathetic denial - a three year old could've explained better where the chocolate buttons had gone - did the House of Lords give him a bollocking, then tip him upside down and extract the cash? Nah. Fuck that.

He's a Lord. And a mate of Gordo's. And a very generous man, come election time.

Sorry to have bothered you, my Lord. You can go now. And off he went, on his merry fucking way, pockets still bulging with our money.

Of course, Lord Pig of Making-It-Up is not alone.

Lord Rennard, Chief Executive of the Lib Dems, worked full time in London and lived in Stockwell in ... er ... London. So naturally, he claimed over 40,000 pounds for a flat in .. Eastbourne. He's been cleared now, of course. Off you go, m'lud.

And then there's our old favourite, the Queen of the fucking troughers, lets hear it for ... Baroness Uddin of Bethnal Green.

Remember her? Baroness Udders has lived, with her family, in a low rental Housing Association building for years. However, she also has a small flat in Kent. In spite of never having stayed there, and never even bothered to fucking furnish the place, she claimed that was her main residence. Netting herself a cool 100,000 of taxpayers money.

What do the House of Lords think of that? Nothing. Nothing at all. They're not even investigating her, even though the police are.

So why, why-oh-fucking-why, do all these troughing Lords and greedy Ladies keep getting away with it?

This shit happens, and will keep happening, because, according to the authorities, enforcing the rules is difficult because - you'll love this - there is no official definition of “main home”.

With MP's, the 'main home' rules are clear: it's the property at which they spend most nights. Or more accurately, as the home in which they claim to spend most nights, even if the police provide evidence that proves they're fucking lying, eh Jacqui?

At least MP's have to provide genuine evidence, before being let off scot-free.

For my Good Lords, no such vulgarity. They just have to say where they consider their main home to be. If Lord Troughalot says that he actually lives in a Barratt Home in Harlow, even if he states this while relaxing on a plush sofa in an enormous house in Mayfair, then everything's just fine. Thank you my Lord.

The only troughin' Lord who seems - and who can really tell? - to come out of this with any shred of dignity is Lord Clarke of Hampstead. He also claimed tens of thousands of pounds in “overnight subsistence” despite admitting returning to his home within the London commuter belt, or staying rent-free with a friend. But, unlike the rest of the piggies, he does seem a little sorry about it:

"It’s not within the rules. I’m responsible for my own actions .. If I’ve got to go to the wall and my life is finished in terms of political or public life .. then so be it.”

Bloody hell, an honest and seemingly repentant trougher.

We should have the fucker stuffed, and put on a plinth in the lobby, as a shining example to them all.

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Just spotted this Baroness Troffin update over at The Devil's Kitchen.

"Following the filthy, disgusting and shameless troughing of Baroness Uddin, it seems that Spitalfields Housing Association has woken up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, a fucking rich Baroness—with multiple company directorships and another home—shouldn't be living in social housing intended for putting a roof over the heads of the very poor."

"Now Spitalfields Housing Association, the owners of the three-bedroom house, has engaged lawyers to examine whether she should be allowed to continue renting in Wapping .. Legally a tenant with an assured or secure tenancy must live in the social home as their “only or principal home”, meaning that she could have breached her tenancy."

No need for CF to comment further; as ever the Devil is eloquent:

"I hope that she is evicted, dragged from her house and humiliated by the bailiffs in full view of all the neighbours. She is scum."

And so say all of us...

According to the Evening Standard, some wealthy chap who has clearly not been taxed enough yet has been told that in order to get planning permission to convert some flats, he's got to stump up 4.5 million quid to Wstminster Council for some 'affordable homes'. Apparently:

Plans for the conversion were lodged last September by a consortium led by the owner of The Ivy but stalled as they included no affordable housing ... Tonight, councillors are expected to approve Caring's plans in return for £4,548,000 for affordable housing in the borough.

Isn't that what used to be called extortion, in the good ol' days? The councillors may say the money's for affordable housing, but basically its just a top-up for their coffers.

Mind you, they'll be desperate for a top-up: the same coffers were depleted by a fuck sight more than that when they lost 17 million in dodgy Icelandic Banks.

CF doesn't suppose the victim of the extortion, Richard Caring, is that bovvered, as he's one of those chefs who haven't cooked as much as an omlette for five years as they're too busy opening Restaurants named after them that they'll never set foot in again, and is therefore entirely deservedly worth 400 fucking million quid.

But there is a silver lining, a lovely bonus. If Westminster Council are actually as good as their word, and build some affordable housing for the poor 'n' needy, the fragrant Baroness Troffin, sorry, Uddin and her extended family can move in! Even nearer to the office, and even more profit on the unreceipted travel expenses.

Baroness Uddin was already a strong candidate for trougher of the year, following revelations that she'd claimed 100 grand from the taxpayers by keeping an empty flat (unfurnished, never lived in, say neighbours) in Kent as her designated residence.

But it gets worse: according to Andrew Gilligan, in the Evening Standard the flat she really lived in was Social Housing - a council flat. The housing association receives a massive subsidy (again, from taxpayers) and can therefore keep the average rent for its properties at around a sixth of the market rate.

Gilligan goes on:

"However, even without her allowances from the Lords, Baroness Uddin, 49, is well above the income bracket to qualify for social housing. She has held a number of highly-remunerated directorships at major companies, including former ITV giant Carlton Television, and was a senior employee and parliamentary consultant for the Excelcare nursing home group"

So not short of a bob or too then? Oh, but there's more:

"Because she claims her main residence is outside London, Lady Uddin is also entitled to collect up to £174 every day she attends the Lords for the cost of accommodation in the capital. The amount is paid to peers without the need to produce receipts and many claim the maximum every day they attend.

Baroness Uddin claimed a total of £29,675 for accommodation in 2007/8, a time when the maximum daily accommodation claim was £165 a day. Her bill represents a claim at the maximum possible rate for 179 days, more days than the Lords actually sat that year"

And, just when CF thought he could not be more dear-god-i'm-going-to-die enraged, this quote, from the trougher herself, (Hat tip to the Ranting King Penguin) came to light:

“My Lords, does my noble friend accept that our policy on homeless families impacts greatly on those who are waiting on the list? Is she aware that about 25,000 families are on the waiting list in east London?"

Why don't you free one up, you grasping bitch?

UPDATE: Old Holborn is behind this great idea: check it now before its taken down.

UPDATE 2: Beautiful Garden just posted this over at Guido's: Spitalsfield Housing Association (the organisation providing this dirt-cheap accommodation to the needy) Board of Management contains:

• Ala Uddin - Vice-Chair
• Faruque Uddin - Housing Officer
• Abdus Uddin - Assistant Maintenance Officer

Complete co-incidence, and no relation, surely?

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