David 'CallMeDave' Cameron wants to remind us that Labour governments are traditionally piss-poor and rotten when it comes to dealing with rampant Trades Unions.

"I think the unions have scented weakness in the government and that's one of the reasons why we're seeing quite so many strikes"

As ever, Brown and his minders have a standard catch-phrase to trot out.

Apparently, according to them, Gordo' has been 'doing everything he could to get staff back to work' in the current British Airways / Unite spat.

Which is utter, abject, arrant bollocks.

How do we know this? Well, for one thing, we all know that the Labour party is Unite's cowering, timid bitch. Unite pay for everything, and as sugar daddy, they own Labour's ass.

If Unite want a strike, there'll be a strike, and no-one in the Labour party - particularly not 'Courage' Brown - is going to say 'no' to their paymasters.

Secondly, one of the very, very few things that Broon is good at is boasting; showboating; claiming credit for anything going.

So you can bet yo' sweet ass that if Broon had done 'everything' - in fact, if he'd done anything - we'd all have been force-fed chapter and fucking verse about what a great job he'd done. Together with the standard add-on, that the Honourable Gentlemen opposite - jabs finger at Cameron - would have done nothing at all.

We haven't, so we know he hasn't.

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So, our unelected, unlikeable and seemingly un-bloody-removable Prime Minister has finally been dragged into the limelight. The nation waits with baited breath to hear his responses to his grilling by the 23rd annual Iraq enquiry.

But we're all wasting our time, really, aren't we? The panel, the media and the public.

Unlike Alistair 'Bad Al' Campbell, who sweated, wriggled and blustered through his session, and unlike Tony B-Liar, who squirmed, charmed and smarmed his way out of his grilling, Brown will be completely relaxed, totally unworried. For several reasons:

Firstly, one of Brown's greatest skills is to blame absolutely everyone else for absolutely everything. Nothing is ever his fault, and no bad decision was ever made with his agreement. Expect every single one of his colleagues to be blamed for some element of the process that led to war. Broon was on holiday / in another meeting / washing his hair that day, see?

It's a safe bet he'll even try to pin something on the Tories. Watch out for the unsolicited attacks on the opposition. Brown absolutely cannot resist his little digs, even if they're totally unrelated to the question he's been asked, or the subject he's discussing.  It's an 'iron-cast guarantee' that he'll, at some point, inform us that the Tories would not have done what he did, and would have done something else, and we'd have all been worse off as a result. While the panel yawns, shuffles its collective feet and wishes he'd get on with it.

Secondly, even for a politician, Brown is an expert, premier league, liar. He's completely happy to trot-out blatant porkie pies to anyone, on any occasion. He's had years of practice, and is fluent in fib, untruth and distortion. It's not clear if he actually believes all of the astonishing bollocks he trots out, but he certainly lies with complete conviction.

Thirdly, McBroon's little brain will be absolutely fucking crammed with carefully engineered soundbites, lovingly put together by armies of spin-doctors and smear-mongers. He'll have a whole raft of pre-prepared answers, responses and denials. People far smarter than him will have worked out every conceivable question he could face, and his glib, evasive response. Broon won't actually consult a script, but he may as well.

And finally, Gordo will doubtless have been fed to the back teeth by his minders with whatever his latest drug regime contains. He'll be fucking rattling with pills. His eyes will be glazed; his heart-rate slow and he will see little blue fairies hovering above the panel as they grill him.

So, Gordon Brown has nothing to fear here today, does he? His usual tools and techniques will serve him just fucking fine.

No-one will lay a glove on him; no confessions will be forthcoming; no apology will be called for or volunteered.

Why bother? It's a lovely sunny day. Let's go for a walk,  in the woods, instead ...

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The increasingly tedious 'Bullygate' saga continues to rumble on.

Not just tedious, but irrelevant, since it appears that even if Brown is a violent and abusive incompetent, the slack-jawed British public appear to fully intent on rewarding him with five more years, either because their own income depends upon him, or because they think that this whole thing is some sort of enormous games, and that it might be a fascinating experiment to let him keep on fucking everything up.

But Bullygate sells papers, so it is being kept alive. Naturally, Gordon's minders have wheeled him along to the television studios, to clip on a microphone and assure us all that not a scrap of any of this is true. Oh no. Thirty or forty people colluded over ten or more years to make the whole fucking thing up.

Regarding the physical aspects of the bullying accusations, on Channel 4 News, Broon said:

"Let me just say absolutely clearly so that there is no misunderstanding about that, I have never, never hit anybody in my life."

Suspecting weasel words (hit? shoved? pushed? thumped? nudged?), the Channel 4 chap pressed him, asking if he had, for example, ever shoved Senior foreign policy adviser Stewart Wood, as claimed in the infamous Rawnsley book. His reply?

"No, I don't do these sorts of things"

Pretty un-e-fucking-quivocal there, eh? Certainly CF is left with the impression that Gordon did not shove Mr Wood. In fact, did not shove anyone. Never has, never will.

So how to explain what Wood said in a taped interview in January?

"He [Brown] was in a really bad mood. He walked up the stairs. And I leant forward and he went 'Outta my way' and he did that (makes strong sweeping gesture with his arm, imitating the PM), 'outta my way'... I was pretty shocked."

Well now that's confusing, isn't it? Brown says Brown doesn't 'do' shoving, Wood says Brown shoved him.

One of these gentlemen would appear to be .. ahem .. mistaken. And since it's hard to see how Wood would benefit from inventing such a story, creating an entirely imaginary 'shove', CF for one has to conclude that it's Gordo' who's fibbing. And on the telly, too.

Brown caught out in a lie? Well hoo-fucking-ray. That's the end of his reign then, isn't it? He'll have to resign now, surely? He can't carry on now that he's been caught red-handed telling blatant porkies. He'll probably have to jump in a car, and head to the Palace immediately.

Yeah, right.

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