CF has been watching Alastair Campbell on television (thanks, tvcatchup.com). According to the BBC's report, he's busy defending "every word" of the Iraq dossier.

That's hard to tell with the sound off (necessary at work, of course).

But there's one thing that's very easy to concentrate on, especially without sound, and that's Bad Al's body language.

In the last 10 minutes alone, CF has spotted the following:

• AC seems a little 'stiffer', less relaxed, than a normal public appearance: his face is very still;
  
• He repeatedly lifts his hand to his face, often covering his mouth;
  
• Is it the TV lights, or is Al a bit paler than usual?
  
• You can see Campbell's chest rsing and falling as he breathes deeply, seeming to sigh between questions;
  
• His lips seem thin, and a little tighter than normal;
  
• Alastair's shoulders are pulled up, and his elbows are tucked in to his sides between gesticulations;
• He frequently looks to the left while answering questions.

So what does all of this mean? Come off it, you know what it means: these are all classic signs that the person is ... lying.

You can also see him pausing to listen to questions, then twitching, then pausing again before commencing an answer. Guess what that's a sign of? Yup.

Alastair Campbell is sitting there, in front of the committee, in front of observers, and in front of television cameras, and he's lying and lying and lying.

But then, hey, we all fucking knew he would.

_

Shahid Malik: we've talked about him before, haven't we?

Thats right - when he was first caught out troughing, he claimed that the MP's expenses guide the 'Green Book' was "my bible". Since he's a Muslim, that tells us all we need to know about his conformance with the commandments on troughing.

When he was initially fingered by the Telegraph, he toured the TV studios, making sure we all knew that he'd done nothing wrong and was very definitely not sorry.

Ironically, the bastard has more to be sorry about than most. Letters From a Tory reminded us in 2008:

"the clear winner of the award for the MP who cost the taxpayer the most money is… Shahid Malik from the Labour Party! He cost you and me £185,421 in a single year, which was £7,300 more than any other MP in the entire country"

And, while he pledged to donate the cash he claimed for his thousand quid television to 'worthy local causes' in his constituency, he made sure to remind us

"I am not doing it because I have done anything wrong.."

Gordon Brown obviously swallowed all of this guff: he's decided to turn a blind eye (the left one) to Malik's greed and arrogance and has re-appointed him as Communities Minister. Either that or Carole Smilie was busy, and had to turn down the gig.

His return to power put the greedy git right back in the spotlight, and sure enough, more dirt is surfacing. According to the Evening Standard:

"Communities minister Shahid Malik was hit by fresh controversy today after it emerged that he paid half his rent in cash for his constituency home."

Surely not? Surely Shahid, you didn't cut some dodgy, tax avoiding deal with your mate to save your money? You wouldn't have done something sleazy, greedy and possibly illegal for your own benefit whilst a Minister for Justice, would you?

Don't worry, here's Shahid to clear things up. It was all a teensy misunderstanding. Apparently:

"He defended the arrangements by insisting his first assumption was that he was being asked to pay £300 in cash, on top of the £320 by direct debit, to a fellow Muslim because it was a "matter of religious observance or a cultural norm".

"He insisted that he did not think it was an attempt at tax avoidance and there is no evidence that it was."

You are fucking joking, aren't you? Just how fucking thick do you think we all are?

And what the fuck are you trying to imply? CF hasn't actually completed his reading of the Koran but he's pretty fucking certain that there isn't a passage where Allah dictates that 320 quid is the absolute maximum for a fucking direct debit. CF would be surprised if any kind of limit on financial transactions is specified in any religious tracts, what with inflation and the ever-changing exchange rates over the centuries.

Could it be that, when you were caught red-handed, you scuttled off behind the big, heavy, protective curtain that protects all those who say "But I'm a Muslim, innit?"

++ UPDATE ++ : according to Guido, Sky news are reporting a 'new investigation' into Shady Malik. Can't see it on their news site, but lets hope its true.

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• Shahid Malik resigns as Justice Minister over MPs' expenses (telegraph.co.uk)
• Gordon Brown refuses to publish report into finances of Labour MP Shahid Malik (telegraph.co.uk)
• Shahid Malik returns to Government with questions unanswered (telegraph.co.uk)
• The Green Book is "My Bible" says Muslim MP. Ha! (constantlyfurious.blogspot.com)