Poor, poor Sally Bercow. She didn't choose to bemarried to an enormously ambitious career politician. She didn't choose to live in sumptuous, taxpayer-funded luxury in the middle of London.

And now she's suffering for it. Yes, poor little Sally is sad, because someone has 'Twittered' something about her.

Yes, the excellent @eyespymp Twitter character, which provides regular updates on the trivial movements and behaviour of those in the Westminster village, has mentioned her a couple of times. And she doesn't like it:

"I am not an MP. I just live here. So stop reporting my movements."

Oh, pass that onion. We're fillin' up.

No, Sally, you're not an MP. But you've already announced that you'd like to be. In spite of your early days as a Conservative supporter, you've decided to stand as a Labour MP, haven't you?

And as a prospective MP, you love any publicity, don't you?

After all, this is the Sally Bercow who was all over the press a few weeks ago with tales of her binge drinking. Not rumbled by an undercover reporter - oh no - she gave a full and frank interview, where we got to hear all about it.

How she drank at lunch time, carried on drinking in the evening, and often ended the night out flat on her back staring at the ceiling of whoever bought her last drink. Lovely.

Where was your reticence then, eh? Why weren't we protected by your modesty from all that crap?

And, so shy is poor Sally, that virtually every one of these pieces was illustrated by a 'photo of her, simpering like the late Diana, in a tiny mini-skirt, legs to the fore. We've seen more upskirt action from Ms. Bercow than from a dodgy Japanese porn-site.

And as for 'stop reporting my movements', well, pardon our gasps at your hypocrisy. This is the same Sally Bercow who has set up a Twitter account for herself, to join Kerry and Ellie, boasting that her location is 'Under Big Ben' (just like the old day's, eh Sally? Did Ben send over a bottle of Chardonnay?)

So far Sally has Tweeted over two hundred times. She has nearly 1,500 followers, and recently shared with them such gems as:

"Now going to Starbucks 2 cheer myself up with chocolate cake"

and

"Lunchtime. The kids will only eat food they've seen advertised on TV"

and

"..I drive a Volvo."

and

"I am going out now. To do school run."

There are plenty, plenty more. All from the woman who really doesn't want her movements reported.

'Now going to Starbucks'. Where did you think those Tweets were going, Sally?

When @eyespymp pointed out that all this was .. err .. tough shit, she snapped back, but in her anger, her true agenda leaked through:

"You are not being v. nice. You are clearly a bunch of Tories."

For fuck's sake. Even when whining self-piteously, even with only 140 characters to play with, she can't resist a little 'on message' dig at the eeevil Tories. 'You're nasty, you must be a Tory'. Top quality debate, Sal'.
 
What a mixture. Relentless self-promotion, cynically on-message,  a large helping of hypocrisy?

Oh, you're going to make a great Labour MP.

.

John and Sally Bercow. What a lovely couple, eh?

That John, he's a busy man. Pledged to single-handedly 'clean up' Parliament. To root out the dishonesty and lies that have infected the place in recent years. Tough on fibs, tough on the purveyors of fibs.

A tough job. Still, at least he has the home comforts. That lovely, fragrant wife of his, Sally.

It must be nice to go home to her every evening, and share the trials of the day, eh?

Tales of all the lies discovered, the dishonesty revealed. The bright light of truth, shone into every murky corner. You can imagine him sitting there, cocoa in hand, pompously going on about the "importance of integrity".

Wonder if Sally blushes a bit, tries to change the subject, shifts about on her seat?

She fucking well should.


The Daily Mail  this weekend revealed that Ms Bercow has some shameful secrets of her own.

Some years ago, Ms Bercow - then Ms Illman - was taken on by a leading City firm. Doubtless they were impressed by her CV which, amongst other things, claimed she had an Upper second in Theology. From Oxford University, no less.

However, when the firm rang Oxford for confirmation, they found that this claim was .. ahem ... a Terminological Inexactitude. A big fat porkie. A lie.

Sally was shown the door. She probably hoped the episode would sink into the sands of time, and be forgotten. She hoped wrong.

Naturally, on being accused, Mrs Bercow has issued the traditional response, tediously familiar to us all: "No I never"

Equally naturally, she didn't speak herself - a 'spokesman' - there's always a fucking spokesman - was deployed.

Managing to keep a straight face, the spokesperson informed the sniggering world that Ms Bercow had got an Upper Second. Just not for her degree. No. Eh?

Mrs Speaker-to-be studied Theology for her first two terms and scored that upper-second-class in her first-year exams.

She then switched from Theology to History, fucked that up, and left a year later. According to her contemporaries she ".. was asked to leave because of her poor academic performance".

Regardless, there's no argument that she left. Without getting to end of either course, and therefore without any fucking degree at all.

When the .. err .. erroneous CV was mentioned, the spokesman waxed indignant:

'In the CV she said she was at Oxford .. Nor did the CV say that she completed her degree.'

For fucks' sake. How stupid do you think we are?

Whilst 'at' Oxford, in all the spare time afforded by not bothering to work at her degree, the young Sally was an active member of the Conservative Association.

So observers were a little surprised when, shortly before aborting her course, she joined the Liberal Democrats.

But they didn't fret for long. She later returned to the Conservatives, and even addressed the party conference in 1993.

But then, ever fickle, by 1997 she had defected to Labour and was campaigning for Tony Blair.

She's stayed loyal to the red team, and recently announced that she will stand as a Labour candidate in next year's elections for Westminster City Council.


So, here we have a lady who clearly has no fucking clue about her own political views, willing to chop and change parties depending on where the advantage lies, and a lady who has not hesitated to lie about her past achievements in order to get what she wants.

She and the Labour party are clearly made for each other.


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