Hello boys and girls!

Today's Word of the Day is 'Bigot'

bigot

ˈbɪɡət/

noun

1. a person who is intolerant towards those holding different opinions.

You might have noticed recently that anyone who, for whatever reason, failed to vote 'Remain' has been - universally and endlessly - termed a 'Bigot' by those who did.

As the great Alanis Morissette said ...

Two senior Labour figures gave exactly the opposite advice to Labour campaigners and candidates today.

One felt that it was important to avoid the negative campaign, the personal insults and the general Tory bashing that so often tempts Labour, saying that his advice to Gordon Brown for the upcoming debates was..

"..don't compete with Mr Cameron's personal insults”.

Whereas the other felt that the public should be fully informed regarding the bad points of the eevil Tories; particularly the failings of David 'CallMeDave' Cameron, and that if personal abuse were necessary, then so be it. To kick-start the abuse, he then said of CallMeDave that..

"He looks down his rather long toffee nose at the regions"

So who were the two opposed advisers? Who were these people who thought so radically differently to one another?

Well, the first, recommending that the campaign was kept positive, and that personal abuse was avoided, was the First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills, President of the Board of Trade and Lord President of the Council, who would be known to his friends - if he had any - as Peter Mandelson.

Whereas the second, who heaped personal abuse upon poor CallMeDave, was Labour's very own.. errr .. Peter Mandelson.

Not just in the same week: on the same day. Not just on the same day: in the same fucking interview.

Who'd have thought, eh?

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If only Harriet 'Hattie' Harman were dead - and how often do we wish that? - she'd be spinning in her grave today.

The Daily Telegraph has a feature today on wimmin candidates for the upcoming General Election. For fuck's sake, surely that's not a novelty any more, is it?

Apparently so, because the Telegraph is all agog to reproduce their views. And they're not happy. Oh no. According to the headline:

"The latest generation of female candidates would rather be judged on their brains, not their beauty"

They complain how often they are underestimated, or misjudged.

"It should be about what you can achieve, not about being glam or pretty"

 says Labour PPC, Bridget Phillipson. Dr Michelle Tempest agrees:

“We need to keep plugging the message: I’m around for policy and that is all"

The Tory ladies made it clear that they do not, under any circumstances, wish to be referred to as "Cameron's cuties".

All very commendable, no doubt. Very egalitarian.

There's just one tiny catch. All of these ladies were quoted from an interview which took place with that Jordan-brushed-her-teeth. Kerry-did-a-poo celebrity crap-festival, Grazia magazine. Not exactly Hansard, is it?

And better yet, get this, the interview took place while they were doing a .. wait for it.. photoshoot. In the Houses of Parliament.

Is that pretty frock part of your campaign then, sweetheart? What's your fucking cleavage got to do with policy, love? Is your lovely shiny hair what you've 'achieved'?

Dear god. Have you forgotten, ladies? You're wanna-be politicians: when you get power, you'll fuck us; we don't want to fuck you.

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We all watched with rising nausea earlier today as champagne socialist and deluded Labour rentagob Ellie Gellard - @bevaniteellie as Twitterland knows her - stood proudly in front of a manically flickering image of the Labour manifesto and eulogised Gordon Brown and the Labour party.

All of this kissing of Brown arse, from one so young, was utterly revolting. And completely at odds to what the equally Labour-loving author of this little piece, written back in 2008 just after the loss of Glasgow East, thought.

The author of that piece was very disappointed, very disillusioned:

"I was going to write a blog on here entitled, 'Things can Only Get Better'... I was right not to do so, on friday they got worse, much worse"

And, felt that one Gordon Brown was the man to blame:

"Brown needs to speak up, change the face of Labour .. do this or go. We all know this, and he probably does too so why can he not speak.."

"..How dare he stand by with personal interest watching our party sink it is not his to lose, it is ours.."

"..Here's my ideal scenario for the coming months. Brown accepts that too much damage has been done.."

..and, and? In conclusion?

"In short, Brown .. get your coat, time's up"

Pretty damning stuff, eh? No love for Gordo' there.

But who was was the author of this piece? Who was it thought - like most of us - that Gordo' should give up and fuck off?  Why, it was....

Well, well. What an astonishing coincidence.

(tip of the hat to BenjaminGlass, via Twitter) 

Our seemingly-perpetual Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was kind enough to share with us his views on crime and anti-social behaviour when he spoke yesterday.

Actually, it wasn't so much his views on those key subjects as his views on - oh god, here we fucking go again - the eeevil Tories.

So, under the guise of discussing crime, McBroon informed us all:

"..you don’t tackle the fear of crime by cultivating it, by ramping up a public sense of panic, by abusing the figures and claiming our society is broken ...

Because sometimes as damaging as the fear of crime is the crime of fear. And I will play no part in that."

Well, putting aside the fact that we'd like to hear what your Government is doing, not a misrepresentation of what your opponents said, there might possibly be - for once - something in what you say there Gordon, mangled and convoluted though it is. Yes. It's no good trying to scare the public into agreement, is it?

But wait, what's that? There's more. Yes, Gordo's carrying on with his speech:

"Some argue that liberty dictates we should immediately wipe from the DNA database everyone who has been arrested but not convicted of an offence. But if we did this ... many dangerous criminals would have remained at large ... next time you hear somebody question the value of retaining DNA profiles ... remember Jeremiah Sheridan. And most of all remember the innocent woman he attacked"

What? Hang on. What the fuck?

Didn't you just say, you one-eyed mentalist, that no-one should 'cultivate' a fear of crime? That no-one should 'ramp up' a sense of panic?

But then, in the same fucking speech, didn't you just say that we must keep taking DNA, otherwise bad people - ooohh, be afraid - like Jeremiah will 'remain at large' and - run! hide! - attack innocent women?

We're used to your lies and hypocrisy, Broon, but surely this must be a personal best - directly contradicting yourself, putting opposing points of view, in the same fucking speech?

Dear God.
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Poor, poor Sally Bercow. She didn't choose to bemarried to an enormously ambitious career politician. She didn't choose to live in sumptuous, taxpayer-funded luxury in the middle of London.

And now she's suffering for it. Yes, poor little Sally is sad, because someone has 'Twittered' something about her.

Yes, the excellent @eyespymp Twitter character, which provides regular updates on the trivial movements and behaviour of those in the Westminster village, has mentioned her a couple of times. And she doesn't like it:

"I am not an MP. I just live here. So stop reporting my movements."

Oh, pass that onion. We're fillin' up.

No, Sally, you're not an MP. But you've already announced that you'd like to be. In spite of your early days as a Conservative supporter, you've decided to stand as a Labour MP, haven't you?

And as a prospective MP, you love any publicity, don't you?

After all, this is the Sally Bercow who was all over the press a few weeks ago with tales of her binge drinking. Not rumbled by an undercover reporter - oh no - she gave a full and frank interview, where we got to hear all about it.

How she drank at lunch time, carried on drinking in the evening, and often ended the night out flat on her back staring at the ceiling of whoever bought her last drink. Lovely.

Where was your reticence then, eh? Why weren't we protected by your modesty from all that crap?

And, so shy is poor Sally, that virtually every one of these pieces was illustrated by a 'photo of her, simpering like the late Diana, in a tiny mini-skirt, legs to the fore. We've seen more upskirt action from Ms. Bercow than from a dodgy Japanese porn-site.

And as for 'stop reporting my movements', well, pardon our gasps at your hypocrisy. This is the same Sally Bercow who has set up a Twitter account for herself, to join Kerry and Ellie, boasting that her location is 'Under Big Ben' (just like the old day's, eh Sally? Did Ben send over a bottle of Chardonnay?)

So far Sally has Tweeted over two hundred times. She has nearly 1,500 followers, and recently shared with them such gems as:

"Now going to Starbucks 2 cheer myself up with chocolate cake"

and

"Lunchtime. The kids will only eat food they've seen advertised on TV"

and

"..I drive a Volvo."

and

"I am going out now. To do school run."

There are plenty, plenty more. All from the woman who really doesn't want her movements reported.

'Now going to Starbucks'. Where did you think those Tweets were going, Sally?

When @eyespymp pointed out that all this was .. err .. tough shit, she snapped back, but in her anger, her true agenda leaked through:

"You are not being v. nice. You are clearly a bunch of Tories."

For fuck's sake. Even when whining self-piteously, even with only 140 characters to play with, she can't resist a little 'on message' dig at the eeevil Tories. 'You're nasty, you must be a Tory'. Top quality debate, Sal'.
 
What a mixture. Relentless self-promotion, cynically on-message,  a large helping of hypocrisy?

Oh, you're going to make a great Labour MP.

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CF is very busy today, so no time for a protracted rant.

However, an hour or so ago, CF caught a snatch of the news on Radio 4.

Apparently, Ed 'Blinky' Balls doesn't like CallMeDave's proposals around taxation for married couples and has accused him of "Social Engineering".

What the fuck?

Would that be Ed 'Bully' Balls of the NuLabour Party?

The most tinkering, interfering and - yes - engineering party ever to govern this unfortunate country?

Ed Balls of the party that always knows exactly how we should all live our lives, and has been ceaselessly legislating for 12 fucking years to ensure that we all do as we're told?

It is?

Now that's pretty fucking rich...

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Cripes! Boris 'BoJo' Johnson is in trouble again, according to the Guardian.

Apparently, ecstatic that the Sun had switched to the Tories a couple of weeks ago, BoJo exuberantly 'twittered':

"The Sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hip hooray"

Pretty harmless, you might think. Childish, but no lives lost. Mild case of tosser, but he may well recover.

But no.

Not to those sad, pointless fuckwits whose entire empty lives are defined by their hatred of 'The Tories', 'Old Etonians' and especially Boris himself, a Tory Old Etonian.

One of them decided to - anonymously, of course - complain. Or rather 'A complaint was lodged', as these po-faced nasties like to put it. The complaint was 'referred to the GLA panel'

The committee 'decided not to take the matter further' and (here comes the science tedious part):

".. opted for a letter of guidance from City Hall's deputy chief executive, Jeff Jacobs, to the mayor highlighting the clause that stipulates that "when using or authorising the use by others of the resources by your authority, ensure that such resources are not used improperly for political purposes"

Blah Blah. Boris got a bollocking for wasting time on Twitter.

The Grauniad, always happy to spread bad news, as long as it involves a Tory, headlined this as:

"Johnson receives formal warning after using Twitter for party purposes"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the fence, Kerry McCarthy, @kerrymp as she is (for a couple more months) known, Labours official 'Twitter Csar', has had a lot of harmless fun on Twitter.

Hilarious career Geordie and professional randomer Ross Noble encouraged his mindless 'followers' to Tweet @kerrymp some questions. And the game girl didn't back down:

"The Bristol East MP announced she would try to reply to as many of the tweets as possible, and over six hours answered more than 100 questions.

"Asked if she would wear a gorilla suit to parliament, she replied: "I don't think it's expressly forbidden, I could give it a try?"

Oh, what larks!

But hang on, Guardian. Isn't there a teeny, tiny contrast in the reaction we're 'supposed' to have to these two stories?

Boris is abusing and squandering resources with his single tweet, whereas Kerry is just such huge fun with her 100+ tweets.

Very slight whiff of hyprocrisy there? Perhaps?

And what's even odder? What highlights the tiny imbalance? These two stories are not just in the same paper, not just on the same day, not just on the same page, but both in the same fucking piece. This piece.

Irony? Lost on the Guardian.

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These fishermen and sailors are very concerned about the danger to the oceans from fossil fuel emissions. And why wouldn't they be? You don't want to turn up one morning, all ready to rape the ocean bed, only to find someone else has got there before you, do you? Not much fun trawling up every single fish for miles around if they're all dead, is it?

So, to bring the world's attention to their sorry plight, they took to sea and - get this, oooh, clever - wrote the letters S O S in the sea, using only their boats.

Only their boats. Only their fucking great diesel-powered fuel-glugging boats. Boats with engines bigger than the biggest truck or 4x4. Boats with tanks holding not hundreds but fucking thousands of litres of 'fossil fuel'. Even the boats equipped with fucking sails haven't bothered to raise them, as they chug around in their sanctimonious little circles.

And then, so that the whole world could see how very concerned they were about all the terrible and profligate burning of fossil fuels, they sent someone up in an aeroplane, a fucking aeroplane, just to get a photograph of their cleverness.

You fuckwits.

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