Bad news for Gordo this morning. The naive young boy who he'd hoped to trick into giving him a piggy-back all the way up the hill to the Premiership has decided that he might not want to do that.

Yes, Calamity Clegg has said that he may not want to ally with McBroon: apparently, he's as profoundly unimpressed with him and his woeful party as the rest of us

In an interview with the Daily Telegraph, the Boy Wonder criticises Labour's total lack of acheivement in the 13 long, looong years they've been inflicted upon us:

"..do I think Labour delivered fairness? No. Do I think the Labour Party in its heart has a faith in civil liberties? No. Do I think they’ve delivered political reform? No"

Exactly. So why does Cleggy think Brown is cosying up to him and the Lib Dems? Why has the Labour party manifesto been completely replaced with the single phrase "I agree with Nick"?

".. he is a desperate politician .. I just do not believe him .. They are clutching at straws.”

See, Gordon, even young Nick, barely out of short trousers, can see right through you. 'Desperate' is the very word.

The trouble is, all politicians, even Saint Nicolas of Clegg, are fundamentally 'desperate' for power. And this is Nick's only chance, literally.

With the polls pointing to a hung parliament, and with the current fucked-up electoral system meaning that Labour are likely to win the most seats, in spite of polling in 3rd place, opportunity knocks for Cleggy.

On the day after the general election, with Labour holding the most seats in a hung Parliament, what are you gonna do, Nick? You're going to let yourself be led gently into a quiet room in Westminster, and you're going to listen to a lot of lies about how marvellous you and your policies are, and how they'll all be adopted, if you'll just sign here, Mr Clegg.

You'll be promised a referendum on PR, you'll be guaranteed that Mansion Tax is brought in, you'll be offered a nice role in the Cabinet - Home Secretary, perhaps.

Then you'll step out into a press conference, where you'll announce that you and 'Gordon' have come up with a brilliant plan to guarantee us a glittering future, and to say how much you'll be looking forward to working with Prime Minister Brown.

Then we'll all know that, in spite of today's fine words, you're just like Brown, you're just like the rest:

Desperate and dishonest

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For once, Gordon Brown has come clean; been - temporarily - honest; spoken his mind. But the guys at the Indie were listening, and this is their front page. No, really:

Yes, Gordo wants to build a 'progressive' alliance with Elecx-Factor winner Cleggy. For fuck's sake.

What did CF tell you? Yes, we're in for five more years of Brown domination? See?

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The weekend media has been completely, utterly dominated by the worship of the boy Clegg.

Personally, CF thought the debates went exactly like this, but if the papers are to be believed, Clegg arose in shining glory, offering us all a path to the promised land. Hallelujah!

So, Cleggy for Prime Minister, eh? Get real.

Here's what's going to happen, if the endless polls being forced down our throats really are a true reflection:

In spite of some polls showing the Lib Dems marginally ahead of the Tories, and both well ahead of Labour, this will translate - because of the way the fucked-up 'system' works - on election day into a hung parliament, with Labour - yes, fucking Labour - holding the advantage. A Lib-Lab pact will be cobbled together before the weekend is done.

The Tories will be shut out, Cameron will resign and vanish, and the party will promptly turn in on itself for five years of self-destruction, being an even fucking less effective opposition than they have been, if you can imagine such a thing.

Desperate for a tiny bit of power, Clegg will accept a series of vague, half-hearted promises from Brown about the future, and Broon will form a government. 

Gordo' will of course - of fucking course - remain as Prime Minister. The Lord High Mandelson, who is guaranteed to be around - he's got no election to worry about, has he? - will continue to exercise his power from the shadows.

And then, their advantage secured, Broon and Labour will proceed to comprehensively fuck Clegg and the Lib Dems over. Think they can't do it? Yeah, right. They've spent the last 13 years attacking each other, these self-serving corrupt bastards, so fucking over another party will be a piece of piss.

Clegg will be made Home Secretary.  Well hoo-fucking-rah. Look at the last two to hold that poison chalice. Jacqui Smith achieved the square root of fuck all there, and Alan Johnson was deliberately put there to keep him out of the way, to quench his leadership ambitions.

So the fresh-faced boy, with all his hopes and aspirations, will disappear into the mire of the Home Office, and never be heard from again.

And Vince Cable ? Well, yeah Vince, we know we said you might be Chancellor, but you know, Ed Balls is doing such a great job there that we're just going to .. keep it under review. What's that? You'd like to help him? Well no, he's got lots of advisors, thanks, grandad. Off you go.

And what about all the other promises? Well, there'll be long, long, looooong look at PR voting, lasting about four years, which - if it looks like it'll help Labour in the 2015 election - will be adopted, and if it doesn't will be quietly dropped.

All of the Lib Dem's tax-raising ideas: airline tax, bank tax, the fucking stupid Mansion Tax, will be brought in immediately, and the basic rate will be increased: "well it was the Lib Dems idea, mate, ask them about it".  

Everything else will be forgotten. Lib Dem MP's will be sidelined, ignored - except when being bullied by whips in crucial votes.

Any other Lib Dem MP that tries to push back, to ask why promises have been broken, will be immediately and comprehensively ruined. Smeared, humiliated and forced out of office. Just weeks after the election, there'll be no Lib Dem in any position of real power or influence.

And, after a few months, we'll see that we've been through a General Election, and all that's resulted is that we've got Brown, Balls and Mandy for five more years. Only this time, Broon will tell us, he's got a mandate.

The markets will crash, sterling will plunge, the public sector will start growing uncontrollably again, immigration will soar, and ID cards will be introduced.

There'll be no way of stopping any of it: Gordon Brown will be the democratically elected Prime Minister.

So, folks, if you turn out in your thousands to vote for 'X-Factor' Clegg, be aware of what you're actually going to get.

Five more years of Gordon Brown. 

Is that what you want?

(thanks to Subrosa for the headline)