Nannying the kids

The witterings on the Today programme during CF's drive to work this morning were particularly irritating.

Apparently, a bunch of people, rather than making things, or repairing things, or providing goods and services to others, have made it their business to worry about the children. Like a real job, but utterly pointless.

Anyway, these people have become worried that the children - won't somebody think of the children? - might see the cover of a dirty mag', or see the adverts for saucy lingerie for the under tens and be 'offended', 'hurt' and - always a good one - 'damaged'.

And so what do they want? Oh, you know, what do these fuckwits always want? That's right : legislation. Ledge-ish-fucking-lay-shun.

Because we don't want little Johnny to see FHM magazine, we must make it illegal to display or sell such a thing. No-one shall have it, on pain of imprisonment.

Because we don't think it's appropriate that Sophie wants a padded bra, we must ban - oohhhhh lovely word - ban the production of this. If Sophie shouldn't have one, then no-one can.

Oh dear God. Jesus Christ on a fucking bike. Where to begin?

Why doesnt anybody want to ever take any fucking responsibility? Why do 'they' always have to 'do something about it'?

Don't want your nine year old son reading Nuts magazine? Hide your copy under your bed for fucks sake. Scared he might see the cover of a porn mag? How about you don't give him shoulder rides around your seedy local petrol station?

Worried about your ten year old daughter wearing a padded bra? Well don't buy her one. Tell her she can't buy herself one. And if her dodgy uncle-she-met-on-the-Internet buys her one, for fucks sake take it away and burn it.

Parents, guess what? You have a huge amount of control over what your kids read, wear and watch. You don't need to further empower the nanny state - the one we thought we were getting rid of - to tell you what's right and wrong for your offspring.

If you don't want your child to do or see something, fucking stop them. They're probably shorter than you, and certainly a lot less fit. Unless you take them on their X-Box, you'll probably get the upper hand.

Make your children behave in the way you think appropriate. Don't trot along to Broadcasting House and demand that new laws are created, that things you don't like are banned.

And if you're one of the misguided fuckwits pushing for this new legislation and you don't actually have kids of your own, well then you must do what you've probably been doing all along: go fuck yourself.

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