Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Poor ol' Harriet 'Hattie' Harman has had her Twitter account hacked. That poor, poor woman. Imagine how she must feel.

But hang on. Why the fuck would anyone bother? The woman is quite infuriating and tedious enough, in equal measure, without any need to misrepresent her.

But 'attie's aint 'appy. Apparently, Mizzzzzz Harperson said that the security of Twitter and other social media sites widely used by MPs was 'a serious matter'.

"There is a real issue here. We have got to sort this thing out."

Oh, do fuck off, Hattie. It's not a 'real issue', it's fucking Twitter, for Christ's sake. A kid's toy.

Being hungry, or bankrupt, or the victim of a mugging is a 'real issue'. Not your sad little attempts to engage with real, non-privately educated people through the magic of the Interwebs. No-one gives a shit about that.

What we care about is the state of this unfortunate country, and the ruination bought upon it by you and your fuckwitted colleagues.

Why don't you sort some of that shit out, you silly bitch?

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The Equality and Human Rights Commission are bleating on again. What is it now?

Oh. Apparently, older workers should "not be forced to retire at 65 and should be free to demand request flexible conditions including shorter hours or working from home".

What? What the fuck? 'Free to demand..'?  What that means in our brave new world is 'Employers should be forced, by law, to give whinging employees exactly what they want, even if it is to the detriment of the business'.

Baroness Margaret Prosser, Deputy Chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, knows that the cash-strapped government have got far more important things to worry about than this load of old toss, so she tries to appeal by using an angle she knows they'll like: 

“Keeping older Britons healthy and in the workforce also benefits the economy more broadly by decreasing welfare costs"

Fucking brilliant. Let's keep all the old codgers at the coal face for longer, so they don't start greedily, selfishly, sucking up the pensions they've spent their whole working lives paying for, eh?

Why don't you go the whole way, you cynical bastards, like the pigs in 'Animal Farm' and have the poor sods work until they die, then sell their shrivelled corpses for glue?


And here she is! Never far away when there's the chance to dictate to employers what they should and shouldn't do. Always willing to help with the ongoing efforts to drag absolutely everyone down to the same base level in the name of 'fairness'. Yes, heeeeere's .... Hattie.

Of course, Ms Harperson is absolutely bang up for this:

"Harriet Harman, the Minister for Women and Equality, has announced that she supports calls to scrap the default retirement age and allow older workers to request flexible working."

Well, naturally. You would, wouldn't you Hattie? Why should we be allowed to choose younger, ambitious, more energetic workers when we can be forced - by law - to retain some toothless old git who can then 'demand' to go home after lunch for his nap?

Oh, but they've got a survey. Of course they fucking have. They always do.  In this survey, 62 per cent of women and 59 per cent of men aged between 50 and 75 said they want to continue working beyond the default retirement age.

What the survey conveniently forgot to ask these people is whether they want to carry on working until they drop because they love the cut 'n' thrust of the workplace, or - more likely - whether they fucking well have to carry on working because they can't afford to live on a meagre pension in the coming world of hyperinflation.

They don't all get MP's pensions, you know.

But Hattie and the Baroness aren't going to give up. Mizzzz Prosser goes on:

“Britain has experienced a skills exodus during the recession and as the economy recovers we face a very real threat of not having enough workers”

What? 'Not enough workers'? When has this country ever had 'not enough workers'?

We've got about 5 million fucking people sitting on their fat, shell suit-clad arses on benefits, many of whom could actually be converted into 'workers' (or better, burnt in power stations, but that's a different argument).

The turnstiles at Luton Airport are glowing red-hot from the endless in-flow of immigrants, some of whom could possibly be persuaded to take a break from the hate-preaching and turn in a day's work.

Why the fuck do we need to tell Grandad that he can't have his carriage clock and a nice sit-down by a sunny window?

Related articles

• People should work into 60s and 70s to help country recover from recession (telegraph.co.uk)
• Call for over-65s to keep working (news.bbc.co.uk)

So, Harriet 'Hattie' Harman has finally, eventually, been dragged to court for driving offences she committed early last year.

Those with long memories - the case was repeatedly delayed to keep it well away from the Labour Party Conference last year - will recall that Ms. Harperson comitted a number of motoring offences, including using a mobile phone while driving, careless driving and leaving the scene of an accident.

All of these are actually .. err ... against the law, even - yes, even - if you are the niece of a Countess, even if you're the missus of a powerful Trade Unionist and even if you're Deputy Prime Minister.

But was she given a good hard slap on the wrist, to remind her of the error of her ways? Was she punished to the full extent of the law, to make an example of her?

No, of course she fucking wasn't.

The charge of driving with a mobile was dropped completely, the accusation that she drove off without leaving any details seems to have been forgotten and she was only had to answer to the trivial offence of "driving without due care and attention". Big fucking deal.

For a mere 350 quid - which, of course, goes straight back into the coffers from which she's paid - Ms. Harperson was able to walk free.

The offence could have cost her 5 grand, but, hey, we don't wanna do that, do we Hatster? Just pay what you can afford, love.

No ban, no fine commensurate with her enormous fucking salary. It's amazing she wasn't given a new hat and the freedom of the City of Coventry.

Hattie probably knew she was going to let off virtually scot free, as she didn't even bother to turn up.

Oh no, she had a far more important appointment: a Cabinet meeting, watching Gordon squirm and grovel.

But her absence didn't make any difference. The token punishment was announced, and clearly a lecture from the bench was not necessary for one as wise and fragrant as our Hattie.

What a fucking surprise.

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Harriet 'Hattie' Harman is an ambitious and well-connected woman.

She's wormed her way to the top of the dung-heap that is New Labour, and is to be the 'face' of the party for the already-started 2010 election campaign.

And with her smug, patronising, well-fed face, she seems ideal for the role.

Doubtless she'll be deploying every weapon in Labour's nasty little armory to smear the opposition, to lie about others' intentions.

One of the weapons already wheeled onto the battlefield has been the clumsy and unsubtle 'class war' approach: you know, the one that says that because some Tory politicians were born to parents wealthy enough to send them to private schools, we should all vote Labour. That one.

In spite of being educated at one of the very finest private schools herself, Hattie has clearly been itching to deploy this desperate piece of spin, and yesterday, when Boris Johnson announced fare increases for public transport in London, she saw her chance.

Ms. Harperson, writing in last night's Evening Standard, claimed - with a straight face - that these increases were:

"..Fare increases for hard-working Londoners, tax cuts for the richest"

Oh really? Fucking really? Notice how the 'hard working' phrase is slipped in there. Presumably the lazy Londoners will be allowed to pay reduced fare, will they Hattie? Or is that just a little dog whistle, a little coded message for us?

And what about the 'tax cuts for the richest', Harriet? Do you mean Johnson's decison not to charge 4x4's extra on the Congestion Charge? Is that your idea of a tax cut for 'the richest' then?

Anyone that drives a 4x4 is among 'the richest', and anyone that rides on a bus is a 'hardworking Londoner', are they?

Oooh, thanks for making the politics of envy so very, very simple Harriet.

Are you a 'hardworking Londoner', Hattie? When did you last ride on a bus? (Although of course, you might have to soon, if you actually get the driving ban you so richly deserve for crashing a car while using illegally a mobile phone, eh?)

And, then of course, Hattie spins further, further, higher, higher and states that:

"What [Johnson] does in squeezing the London farepayer today is what Cameron plans for the country were he to win the general election."

Oh for fuck's sake. Desperate, Hattie? How did you get that idea, sweetheart?

"The reason for the fare increases is Johnson and his disastrous Tory priorities.."

Oh, is it? Is it fucking really, Hattie?

So it's not because the newt-fancying piss-head pinko Ken Livingstone pissed millions up the wall while Blair ignored him, then?

It's not because of the monstrous fuck-ups in the PPP scheme a couple of years ago, then?

As the Standard's own editorial points out:

"..the collapse of the failed Metronet consortium in 2007, part of the PPP scheme, has put huge pressure on Transport for London finances. And the architect of PPP was Gordon Brown, when he was Chancellor"

 
Oh. Oh dear, Harriet. Did you know that, love? Of course you fucking did.

You just thought the we'd be too stupid to rememember that, and that we'd swallow your little 'Boris is a wicked toff' spin without question.

The Standard editorial concludes with a little reminder for hypocritical Hattie:

"Ms Harman should examine Labour's own record on London's transport system before attacking Boris"

That's quite a polite message to 'Ms Harman' ; CF has an alternative, pithier version:

Shut the fuck up, you silly bitch.

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