Northern Rock has today reported a loss of £724 million for the first six months of 2009. They've done even better than last year, when they only managed to make a loss of £585 million in the first half.

It currently 'owes' the government (surely, 'the taxpayer') nearly £11 billion quid, and is waiting for European regulatory clearance for even more fucking funding.

Where the fuck does all that money go? Some doubtless is written off, on the silly sods who took out mortgages they were never going to be able to repay, but longer-term readers of CF's witterings might recall this piece about Northern Rock and the ways in which they're spending our fucking money.

While seeking employment in Financial Services earlier this year, CF discovered an employer that had multiple vacancies, was paying more than any of the large global 'players' in the traditionally extravagant City of London, and although based 'up North' was offering to pay for weekly flights from all over the country for workers to 'commute by air'. Wow.

The employer merrily hurling all that cash around was, of course, Northern Rock. The Northern Rock that belongs to us, the taxpayers. The Northern Rock that is currently running on our fucking money.

It's well known that good ol' Gordon Brown is keen to sell Northern Rock - there have been talks with Tesco - just as soon as he can. As CF said weeks ago:

Clearly the instruction has gone out to urgently polish the turd, patch it up a bit. Stuff it full of highly paid 'Interim' directors and managers, make it look like a proper company, then flip it to a greengrocer as soon as possible.

And why does Brown want rid? For sound, prudent fiscal reasons? Nah.

He wants to sell it solely to prevent the hated Tories and the evil Cameron getting any kudos by selling it in the future - undoubtedly for a whole lot more - when it's properly fixed, and when the markets have recovered. So, Gordon says, Northern Rock must be sold, and sold now.

And that's what costing serious fucking money. Money on consultants, inflated salaries for temporary staff, money to recruitment agencies, money for tens for endless flights up and down the country: the 'investment' is enormous.

But that's not a problem to Gordon. Its not his money, and in his little hate-filled world, it's millions well spent if it makes him look slightly better, and thwarts those nasty Tories.


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As regular readers will know, CF finds the time to craft his occasional blog posts because he has been - ahem - 'resting' since February. Finding work in the beleaguered financial services sector is a little tricky at the moment. Vacancies are few, and salaries and contract rates are falling.

The gloom lifts a little, when a juicy opportunity appears. Right sort of work, very good money. Only one problem - the work is in the North of England, whereas CF is currently domiciled in East Anglia, and normally works in London.

No problem, trills the agent: weekly flights will be paid for too. What? And, she adds, there's more than one vacancy here. Tell your friends. Come one, come all. Good Lord.

So, lets get this straight: this client has multiple vacancies, is paying more than any of the serious, global players in the famously profligate City of London, and is willing to fly workers in, every week, from all over the land. Surely there's a catch? Surely no-one has that sort of cash to throw around?

Just who, pray, is this beneficent client?

"You may have heard of them..", says the recruiter, "..they're called Northern Rock."

Oh. Suddenly all becomes clear.

That would be the Northern Rock that belongs to us, the taxpayers. The same Northern Rock that is currently running on our fucking money.

The same Northern Rock that The Telegraph claimed, earlier this week, is going to be sold soon. Gordon Brown wants to flog Northern Rock, possibly to Tesco's, just as soon as he can.

Clearly the instruction has gone out to urgently polish the turd, patch it up a bit. Stuff it full of highly paid 'Interim' directors and managers, make it look like a proper company, then flip it to a greengrocer as soon as possible.

As usual, Broon doesn't really care how much he sells the Rock for: no, this is all about political advantage. If he can dump the body ahead of the election, its one more 'triumph' he can shout about at PMQ's.

And - even more importantly in Brown's twisted mind - it stops the hated Cameron getting any credit from selling it in the future - for a whole lot more - when it's properly mended, and when the markets have recovered. So it must be sold, and sold now.

And that costs serious money. Money on consultants, money on temporary staff, money to recruitment agencies, money for tens of flights up and down the country: the .. errrr .. 'investment' is endless. But, hey, no problem: it's millions well spent, in Broon's head, if it makes him look slightly better, and thwarts those nasty Tories.

We're watching the departure of one of the very last carriages of the Brown Gravy Train, the final chance to suck the very last drops from the well of government-supplied money. And this time, it can be done without even have to retrain to become a Civil Servant.


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Related articles

• Tesco eyes bid for Northern Rock (telegraph.co.uk)
• Northern Rock losses grow by more than £500m (telegraph.co.uk)