We all realise that Gordon Brown is a nasty, obsessive, power-crazed bully. We guessed that long ago.

We also know that, in spite of the current media storm, he will - as usual - get clean a-fucking-way with it. These latest accusations will no more stick or damage than any of the hundreds of other negative-but-true stories we've heard about this idiot over the years.

With an army of spin-doctors, and a horde of scared-but-sycophantic MP's bigging him up, Brown will continue lying, blustering and evading the truth right up until the removal van - or, please god, the police van - backs into Downing Street.

And in fact, while we've all been giggling about whether Gordon really does throw 'phones and man-handle staff, he continues to be our unelected PM and to fuck the country up in his usual ferociously deluded way.

As with many bullies, the endless discussion around motives, actions and effects clouds the analysis of what the bully actually is, and what else he actually does.

Roert Maxwell was a famous bully, and managed to continue with his massive frauds for far longer as a result. Many bullies bully precisely because they want to cover up dishonesty or incompetence.

This bullying is a sideshow, distracting from bigger issues. John Redwood suggests some rather more important questions, paraphrased here by CF, that have never been answered.

So Gordon, never mind your unpleasant character. Let's hear...

Why did you tax pension funds, and why are so few private sector funds now open for new members?

Why did you sell gold at the bottom of the market?

Why did you get so little improved service for all the billions you gave to public services in the last ten years?

Why did you allow such a huge build up of public debt before the Crunch?

Why have you presided over a higher rate of inflation than target on average?
Why did you put so much money at risk in state supported banks, when there were cheaper options available to get us through the crisis?

Why has the balance of payments been so weak on your watch?

Why has manufacturing output fallen under Labour?

Why has the UK economy grown so little since 1997?

Why did the UK economy stay in recession for longer than other major economies , and why is it so far making such a weak recovery, if all the actions you took - and boast about - were right?

To be quite honest, Gordy, we might be prepared to overlook a little bit of shouting 'n' shoving, if you'd actually done any of the things you tried to do properly.

But you didn't, did you? Everything you did, you fucked up.

Why, Gordon?

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According to the National Audit Office - and, fuck, if they don't know, who does?

"..major projects worth around £200 billion are at risk of not achieving value for money due to significant weaknesses in the expertise of government departments."

Which is a somewhat restrained way of saying that the Government departments are fucking everything up, and happily pissing billions of our money up the wall, down the plughole and all over our appalled faces, while doing so.

For fuck's sake.

So, who are the culprits? Where is this ineptitude and profligacy to be found? Well, according to the Telegraph :

"The Ministry of Defence, Department for Transport, and Department for Children, Schools and Families [came in] for particular criticism by the National Audit Office"

Dear God. So, not the minor ones then? The large departments, the ones that deal with the big, important parts of our lives are officially incapable of organising a piss-up in a brewery, are they? Even if George Best and Keith Floyd were ennobled and made into piss-up Czars? Oh fuck.

Does that mean that other departments are bit less fucking incontinent with our money? No. Oh no. According to the Telegraph,

"The watchdog said that there could be even greater risks associated with many more projects where the skills shortages were not being assessed systematically."

Which is a careful, polite way of saying, "and we can't even find out - because no-one even knows - what other major fuck ups are going on".

Well hoo-fucking-ray.

And are these woeful bastards doing anything about their total lack of competence?

"..some departments were trying to fill their "skills gaps" by using temporary staff and consultants, leading to over-reliance and a loss of knowledge when these contractors moved on"

Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. So even more money gets thrown at Accenture, McKinsey and all the other providers of clean-shaven suit monkeys, so that they can train their graduate entrants and then walk away from the smouldering wreckage with their pockets bulging.

Edward Leigh, the chairman of the Commons Public Accounts Committee which oversees the work of the NAO, thinks that the government needed to get its fucking act together, and right quick at that. Only he said it slightly more politely:

"Time and again our committee has seen evidence of the public sector losing out when it deals with the private sector, simply because public authorities do not have enough staff with the commercial skills or experience they need.

"Given the current tough economic situation and the increasing involvement of the private sector in delivering public services, government must get the right people with commercial know-how in the right places quickly."

In other words, the slack-jawed, simple-minded jobsworths that sit in all the freshly minted non-jobs that have been created in the public sector are being bent over and rogered senseless by the people who actually have the brains and the drive to have found a job - a job that wasn't invented in 2006 to reduce the dole queues - in the private sector. Well, what a surprise. Who'd have thought?

The Office of Government Commerce said action - well of course, 'action' - was being taken to address the skills shortages in Whitehall.

"We look forward to continue working with departments to further maximise the effectiveness and impact of the initiatives we have established to plug shortfalls identified in capability and skills."

For fuck's sake. What in the flaming fuck does that mean? "We'll try to do better, honest"?

Don't bother. Just fucking give up, would you?

Tidy your desks, jot a resignation note, then step out of an upstairs fucking window. Thanks.

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BBC newsreader, George Alagiah, is a patron of the leading charity, the Fairtrade Foundation.

CF doesn't really have the time to worry much about Fairtrade, and is as happy with a glass of dolphin tears as with some reeking tea leaves that have been flown halfway around the world by Sting and Bob Geldof.

However, many others buy into this idea, and CF has been forced in the past to give several Fairtrade bores a good listening to.

But not George. As far as CF is aware, Alagiah has never paused in a news story, put down his papers and gone off on a rant about Kenyan goats' cheese.

And he does not end each story by miming the shaking of a handful of Nicauraguan coffee beans, with a cheeky wink.

And when selecting bananas in his local greengrocer, CF has never thought "now, which sort did George recommend last night, just after that story about the couple who murdered their children?".

Why, one could almost say his patronage of the Fairtrade cause has had - what's the term? - No fucking effect whatsover on his day job. To reinforce this, Alagiah recently discussed the complaints he has had over the last seven years: none. Not a fucking one.

But this is not good enough for the post-Ross, soon to be post-Labour, BBC. Oh no. George has been made to give up his role with the charity.

The BBC has not had the courtesy to tell the charity why this might be, but "it is understood" that his role "breached impartiality rules." What the fuck?

An un-named Corporation spokeswoman added "the BBC has guidelines to ensure our impartiality is protected. This is paramount". What? Is it?

Has anyone told Jim "..if we win the next election.." Naughtie about this?

Does Nick "What shall I tell them, Gordon?" Robinson know?

Will Sir Lord Csar Alan fucking Sugar be fully briefed on this 'paramount impartiality' before he begins to film the Party Poliical Broadcast on Apprentices?

The endless, blatant biases of the BBC are too numerous, and too tedious, to list here. But its pretty fucking clear that pushing certain types of coffee is not among them.

Just to make this situation even fucking richer, one of Alagiah's bosses, who may well have been involved in the preposterous decision to cut off George's Fairtrade links, is BBC1 controller Jay Hunt.

The same Jay Hunt is a director of a company, alongside her husband, that makes its money charging the BBC to train its staff.

CF can only assume that the training does not include a session on 'Spotting and Resolving Conflicts of Interest'.

You fuckwits.


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Northern Rock has today reported a loss of £724 million for the first six months of 2009. They've done even better than last year, when they only managed to make a loss of £585 million in the first half.

It currently 'owes' the government (surely, 'the taxpayer') nearly £11 billion quid, and is waiting for European regulatory clearance for even more fucking funding.

Where the fuck does all that money go? Some doubtless is written off, on the silly sods who took out mortgages they were never going to be able to repay, but longer-term readers of CF's witterings might recall this piece about Northern Rock and the ways in which they're spending our fucking money.

While seeking employment in Financial Services earlier this year, CF discovered an employer that had multiple vacancies, was paying more than any of the large global 'players' in the traditionally extravagant City of London, and although based 'up North' was offering to pay for weekly flights from all over the country for workers to 'commute by air'. Wow.

The employer merrily hurling all that cash around was, of course, Northern Rock. The Northern Rock that belongs to us, the taxpayers. The Northern Rock that is currently running on our fucking money.

It's well known that good ol' Gordon Brown is keen to sell Northern Rock - there have been talks with Tesco - just as soon as he can. As CF said weeks ago:

Clearly the instruction has gone out to urgently polish the turd, patch it up a bit. Stuff it full of highly paid 'Interim' directors and managers, make it look like a proper company, then flip it to a greengrocer as soon as possible.

And why does Brown want rid? For sound, prudent fiscal reasons? Nah.

He wants to sell it solely to prevent the hated Tories and the evil Cameron getting any kudos by selling it in the future - undoubtedly for a whole lot more - when it's properly fixed, and when the markets have recovered. So, Gordon says, Northern Rock must be sold, and sold now.

And that's what costing serious fucking money. Money on consultants, inflated salaries for temporary staff, money to recruitment agencies, money for tens for endless flights up and down the country: the 'investment' is enormous.

But that's not a problem to Gordon. Its not his money, and in his little hate-filled world, it's millions well spent if it makes him look slightly better, and thwarts those nasty Tories.


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