Bad news for fans of the endlessly amusing 'Downfall' spoofs to be found littering the sites of lazy bloggers across the world.

The makers of the original film (it was from a film? Who knew?) have demanded that Youtube immediately remove all of the spoofs that have so enthralled us.

But the most galling thing is that many of the downfall spoofs were used to take the piss out of Gordo' McBroon and his NuLabour chums. Now there's one less channel of mockery for the one-eyed son of the Manse, and all his woeful acolytes.

Are you wondering why Broon featured so often? Here's a review of the original film:

"..a long, riveting, detailed movie about a nation at the mercy of a poisonous ideology and a .. fanatic who has led them to the brink of an abyss.

Played with a horrifying intensity .. this Hitler is a petulant, capricious child who has imposed his will on everyone around him and created a system to enforce it."

Surely, there'll never be a more accurate satire...

.

Our soon-to-be-former Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is off on his travels again. This time, he's taking a short break from saving the world, in order to save Northern Ireland. As the Guardian breathlessly reports, their little eyes shining with excitement:

"..the prime minister flew to Belfast tonight with his Irish counterpart, Brian Cowen, to try to rescue the power-sharing executive..

Brown is attempting to broker a deal between Sinn Féin and the Democratic Unionist party to devolve policing and criminal justice powers to Northern Ireland."

Oh wow. Is it a bird? Is it a 'plane? No, its a fucking showboating politician, with a million other more important things to do.

But as we all know, Gordon absolutely fucking loves this kind of thing. Never happier than when he's grabbing the controls, bossing everuone about, and striding manfully from meeting to pointless meeting, as far away from Westminster as possible.  If Blair hadn't nicked it already, in a similar context. Gordon would doubtless have solemnly informed us that he 'felt the hand of history' on his shoulder.

And, as we all also know, if there's one thing he loves more than that, in fact more than anything, it's bashing those eeevil Tories. McDoom considers a day in which he hasn't attacked or misrepresented the Conservative party as a day completely wasted.

So he must be abso-lewtly, as he would say, delighted at the chance to do both of his favourite things at once. A wank and a Mars Bar? Ohh, yes please.

So Gordo' has taken time out of his busy 'saving everything' schedule to let it be known that, in spite of his heroism, the peace process is in danger, because them Tories are .. err .. talking to Unionists


Hang on, Broon. Hang on a fucking minute. Did you forget that The Tories have already formed a pact with the Ulster Unionist party? Remember? They're going to put up joint candidates in Northern Ireland's parliamentary seats.


But no. Gordon has apparently told aides of his 'astonishment' at this. He believes:

"..the Conservatives are endangering the Northern Ireland peace process by adopting a pro-unionist stance in breach of the bipartisan approach which dates back nearly 20 years"

And that's not all.  The main part of the smear is yet to come. Oh yes.

According to Gordon and his spinmieisters, the worst of this tawdry episode is - and you might want to sit down here - these talks are taking place 'at an English Country Estate'. Oh no! Look everybody, the class war is on again.

What on earth could the Conservatives be doing on an 'English Country Estate'? Perhaps they're all drinking port from peasants' skulls. Perhaps later they'll hunt down a fox and beat it to death with copies of the Koran. Don't hold back Gordon: if you're going to smear, go large, mate.


What a lot of fucking bollocks. You lying fucking spin-doctors. You gullible, lazy fucking media.

Hatfield House may once have been a private 'Country Estate', but now it's just one of the hundreds Golf 'n' Corporate Hospitality venues that litter the landscape.

It's just an upmarket Holiday Inn. You can go and get married there, for fuck's sake, or go for a weekend in the spa with your Diary Secretary.

But why acknowledge that, McDoom, when you can re-re-re-ignite the class war, accusing those Tory toffs of lurking in a Country Estate, undermining all your heroic last ditch efforts?

Why, Gordon, can you not just ever get on with the job at hand. Bend your efforts toward solving the hundreds of enormous issues that face you (and us) and fucking forget about smearing the opposition. Just for five fucking minutes?

You useless bastard.

Related articles

• Sinn Fein discuss talks collapse (news.bbc.co.uk)
• Gordon Brown flies in for crisis talks over Northern Ireland (telegraph.co.uk)
• Tory meeting with unionists threatens Ulster peace, warns Brown (guardian.co.uk)

Much glee and gloating in the Labour ranks yesterday, with the announcement that the overall unemployment figure had fallen by .. wait for it .. 7,000.

That a pretty fucking poxy percentage of nearly two and a half million, but was still enough to send the Government and its cheerleaders into paroxysms of delight.

Work and Pensions Secretary Yvette 'dude looks like a lady' Cooper emerged from wherever the fuck she's been hiding for the last year to profess herself delighted.

Gordon Brown's smug cockiness was alomost unbearable.

The Tories struggled to pretend that they were pleased too. Aides held the corners of Theresa May's mouth up. CallMeDave decided not to mention the economy in PMQ's at all, lest he be assailed with interminable tractor stats.

But as ever with NuLabour, with this bunch of spinners, twisters and fibbers, let's just dig a little deeper, eh?

Yes, 7,000 fewer people were unemployed, but as Jonathan Prynne in the Evening Standard pointed out, at the same time jobs in London, the capital and economic powerhouse, fell by 20,000.

Oh fuck. So how come the national total has increased by 7,000?

Simples. What's really happening is that unemployment is still growing, but that more and more victims are being hidden, or sent elsewhere.

School-leaver are deciding that, since there are no jobs for them, they might just as well stay at school, or go to one of the many new faux-Universities Labour has created to hide them in.

So, 7,000 fewer people are unemployed, partly because 81,000 more young people have decided to wait in the classroom or lecture theatre until things improve.

And it's not just the school-leavers who aren't troubling the scorer.

Many of those who have lost their job have been unable to find another, and are reduced to part-time work.

Of course, this won't let them live as before, and they might not be able to survive for long like this, but the crucial thing for Yvette and friends is that they're not on the unemployment register.

And there's an additional 99,000 of them.

So, while it looks like the much-trumpeted 7,000 people managed to find jobs, thats only because during the same period 180,000 people either couldn't, or took one look round and didn't even try.

Couple that with the fact that private sector wages didn't increase at all - for the first time ever - and the picture looks even fucking less rosy.

George Buckley, UK economist at Deutsche Bank, said:

“Weaker earnings growth has meant that employers are in a lot better position to hold their labour force because they've essentially accepted lower wages to keep their jobs.”

And couple that with the fact that inflation has just jumped through the roof - thanks for that - meaning that the same pay is actually less pay, and quite clearly we remain firmly, unequivocally fucked.

Not much to be so fucking smug about, eh Gordon?

Related articles

• One in five adults in Britain not working (telegraph.co.uk)
• Labour's "job guarantee" vital in fight against long term unemployment (leftfootforward.org)

So, the Copenhagen COP15 climate summit has ended in confusion, disarray and total lack of agreement. What a surprise.

And what of our beloved non-elected leader? The man who announced that he had "50 days to save the world"?

He appeared, threw billions of our money about, boasted that he'd beat everyone else's cuts, and desperately searched the corridors and cupboards for the man he loves, Obama Beach.

But then, when everything began to unravel, what did he do? When five of the major nations got together to fling together a compromise, who represented us?

Nothing and no-one.

As ever, when Brown realised there was going to be no glory in this for him, he lost interest. When he became aware that there was no chance to make the Tories look bad, he couldn't see the point any more.

When it looked this conference was going to fail, what did Gordon "courage" Brown do?

Why, Mac-Climatey Brown upped and vanished.

_



.

Gordon 'Jonah' Brown's curse has struck yet again. This time it's landed in Copenhagen.

All weekend we've been hearing noise about how Gordon's going to 'turn up first'  to the conference, ahead of all the other world leaders, like some sort of snot-nosed school swot trying to impress the teacher.

Is that because, as boy Milliband claims

"it's a sign of the seriousness with which he takes this issue" ?

Nah. Its just another piece of pathetic "saved the world" showboating from a man who knows he's got an unwinnable General Election barrelling towards him.

But as with everything Jonah touches, this little PR stunt has already gone wrong.

Before he even steps off his modest bicycle vast aeroplane, the conference has collapsed. As the BBC describes:

"Negotiations at the UN climate summit have been suspended after the African group withdrew co-operation.

African delegations were angry at what they saw as moves by the Danish host government to sideline talks on more emission cuts under the Kyoto Protocol"

So now, there'll be nothing for Gordo' to claim credit for. Nothing to save.

Just Gordon Brown, Ed Milliband, hundreds of dodgy scientists, thousands of deluded tree huggers and hundreds of greedy, compensation-seeking third-world leaders, all in the same place.

Shame the sea-levels aren't rising dramatically off Denmark, isn't it?

Mind you, with Jonah there, perhaps they will...

_

Iain Martin, over at the Wall Street Journal, has been listening to Gordon Brown's abject nonsense today, and he seems enthused to hear it:

"Thank goodness somebody is finally on the case. Apparently, and I know this is hard to believe, but there is “a culture of excess” in the public services. It seems it stretches back years, with extravagant pay settlements, gold-plated pensions and inefficient working practices.

Said the PM today: “Money which should be spent on health, schools, policing and social services is in some cases going on excessive salaries and unjustified bonuses far beyond the expectations of the majority of workers. This culture of excess must change and will change.”

"The prime minister looked pretty angry about it all, I can tell you. Indeed, he must be furious that the aforementioned excesses have been kept hidden from him. As a result, I suspect there will be quite a few senior people back in Whitehall with some pretty tough questions to answer.

There’s only one consolation. Thank heavens it’s all been discovered in the nick of time, before anything terrible happened. Like the U.K. deficit heading beyond £175 billion."

Wow, he seems impressed.

Or is he, perhaps, being sarcastic? So hard to tell..

_

Courageous Prime Minister Gordon Brown hauled himself to his feet yesterday and spoke - for the first time since becoming PM - about immigration.

In what must be his 100th U-turn since that happy day when he assumed the mantle of power, he's now decided that immigration is not a 'taboo subject' and that only the 'lazy elite' dismiss concerns about the 'strain' immigration places on .. well, on everything.

Now that's a bit of an about-turn, isn't it, Gordo?

We all remember that nasty 2005 general election campaign, largely orchestrated by you. Do you remember, McBroon? Do you remember how, back then, the eeeevil Tories were the oh-so-nasty extremists, with whom you would not even debate Labour's utterly fucking shambolic immigration policies.

Anybody even attempting to raise the subject was immediately shouted down as a racist. Any suggestion that immigation might even be controlled was dismissed as 'fascist'.

But now, now the BNP are nibbling at your voter base, now you've belatedly realised that its not just the Tories who are concerned, pretty much every voter is too, things change:

"If people ask me, 'Do I get it?' Yes. I get it."

Notice the typically Brownian twist in that quote. "If people ask me..". In other words, "I hope people don't ask me, but if they do, here's my prepared response". No-one can ask Brown for his opinions - you just have to fish for relevant sound-bites.

So, Gordon, you 'get it' do you? Oh, really? What are you going to do? What did you announce in your little speech?

Well, as ever, virtually nothing new. Nothing different. As always with this woefully inept Government, announcements are either along the lines of 'there will be an enquiry' or 'here's something we announced last year'.



You're going to tighten up the pathetic student visa rules? So that Business Studies actually means Business Studies, rather than Bomb-Making and Jihad Studies? Wow. Where do you get these radical, off-the-wall, blue sky policies? Whoever would have thought of that one?

You're going to make it harder for non-EU hospital consultants to enter the UK? Oh really? Coupled with the recent announcements that all Nurses will have to have a degree in future, the NHS is going to be pretty empty in a few years time, isn't it? Directorship at BUPA, Gordon? They'd be delighted.

What else, Gord'? What do you plan to do about the fact that 20% of young people can't find work, because they've been priced out of the market by cheap EU labour? What's that? Oh, nothing.

What are you going to do, McBroon, to prevent the population of the UK hitting 70 million in 20 years' time?

You say that's not going to happen, but thats not really enough, is it? To prevent it happening, immigration needs to be cut, by 75%. How will you do that? Sorry? Oh, you don't know.

Under your government's pathetically inadequate stewardship, England has become the most crowded country in Europe. A migrant now arrives nearly every minute.

Every minute, Gordon. What are you going to do about that?

Oh for fuck's sake, let's give up. We all know, Gordon, that you're not talking about immigration because you care about it, or because you know what to do about it.

You're talking about immigration purely, solely, entirely because you want a line of attack for both the BNP and those awful Tories. An artificially created dividing line. Something else to smear them with, as you did so succesfully in 2005.


For Labour, it's never about policies, it's always about politics.

Get it? You and Labour don't get it at all.



_

In her now infamous 'phone call with Gordon Brown, Jacqui Janes repeatedly stated that her son had died because of the lack of the equipment necessary to transport him from the battlefield for treatment.

Lack of equipment. Arising from lack of fucking investment.

Aviation lawyer Charles Haddon-Cave QC, asked to carry out an independent review of the Nimrod incident, concluded last month that the accident had been preventable and safety "was sacrificed for cost-cutting" within the MoD.

Cost cutting.

And, although he - as ever - caved in and U-turned eventually, Gordon Brown tried to save 20 million pounds by making savage cuts to the Territorial Army's budgets.

Savage cuts.

Isn't a theme beginning to emerge here? Oh yes, it is.

Gordon Brown and his woefully inept colleague Bob 'my word, I'm incompetent' Ainsworth clearly don't give a shit about the armed forces.

Even while the war in Afghanistan rumbles pointlessly on, Cabinet ministers meet behind closed doors to decide what can be cut next. Where can a few more pounds can be gouged? What else can 'our boys' be denied to leave more money for .. for ... well anything else really.

And, in spite of mounting public anger, in spite of the body count ticking inexorably upwards, in spite of us losing more troops this year than any year since the Falklands, Gordon is not going to let go of a single penny more. Not a penny.

Except of course, when it comes to the boys back home. Those brave, heroic men (and women, of course, and women) who selflessly push pens for the MoD. Sometimes spending hours looking at the same spreadsheet. Sometimes being forced to drink coffee that really isn't quite warm enough.

Who thinks of them, the unsung heroes?

Well, the fucking government do, for one.

These public sector chappies must be looked after. And looked after they are. Why, so far this year, they've been rewarded with more than £47 million in bonuses. £47 fucking million. What the fuck?

What in the name of bearded Jesus have these people done to deserve being paid at all, let alone being showered with bonuses like a wunch of bankers?

These are the people whose job it is to fight to cut compensation to soldiers wounded in Afghanistan. Even if those soldiers were wounded for want of vital equipment that these very same people denied them.

These are the people who, even when equipment and investment is not denied, are so fucking spectacularly inept that they spend most of their time gazing in dumbstruck wonder at the latest massive cost overruns and endless delays.

Paying them any kind of bonus, is just yet another clear 'fuck you' from Labour to the world. 'Fuck you - we don't care what you think'. 'We're big, you're small, we're right, you're wrong'.

Gordon Brown had better keep those troops in Afghanistan a lot longer. Perhaps until he's lost the election. And retired to become a teacher. And emigrated.

Becasue if they come back here, and see this, and see him gurning away in the House of Commons, lying about why he's cut their budgets, and boasting about massive investment in the public sector, then they're going to be pretty fucking angry.

And, Gordon, you don't want to make people like that angry.

_

Enough - more than enough - has been written about Mrs Janes, Mr Brown and their hugely public spat. But CF can't resist just one more look at this, from a slightly different angle.

Imagine if the story had started in a different way. Imagine a parallel universe, where things panned out ever-so-slightly differently.

Imagine if Jacqui Janes, on receiving that letter, was very moved by the personal touch and decided to ignore the spelling and focus on the sentiment.

Imagine if she had decided that her son had died fighting to defend his nation, and that these thanks from the nation's leader were heartfelt and entirely appropriate.

Imagine if the emotion that dominated within her was one of tearful gratitude.

Much as you may disagree with the above - and CF certainly does - you can see how easily that could happen, in this parallel universe. Jacqui could easily have come down on the other side of the fence.

Had Mrs Janes thought all of that, she would doubtless have told family, friends and neighbours. The story would have spread. Perhaps the local press might have got wind of this tearful gratitude.

Had that happened, the never-sleeping, always-hungry Labour PR sharks would certainly have found out, and leaped on the opportunity, grabbing and spinning for all they were worth.

A Labour-friendly national newspaper - probably the Mirror - would have been fed this, and promptly made it a front page story: 'Gordon's words to Brave Mum'.

The letter would have been shown, evidence of the PM's very personal concern. Other bereaved mums would have been found, trotted out to say how moved they had been by their letters.

Sarah Brown would have tweeted about this 'brave, noble' mother, and how her 'marvellous' husband had 'reached out' to her. A twitter campaign, #godBlessGordon, driven by Labour's tireless astroturfers, would have quickly followed.

A 'phone call would have been arranged - this time recorded at the Downing Street end. The transcript would have been passed to the Mirror, and made a second day of front page news. The bereaved mother's tearful words, and Gordon Brown, his voice cracking with emotion, trying clumsily to comfort her.

Psychologists on numerous television sofas would have reminded us over and over again that Gordon too had lost a child, and that was why he could empathise so very well.

Mrs Janes would have been invited to Downing Street for tea with Sarah Brown, and photographed on the doorstep with her: 'Two brave Mums, united in sorrow'.

CallMeDave and the Tories would have stood mute, teeth clenched with frustration, on the sidelines as the circus rolled on, unable to call this for what it really was, not daring to be seen to be criticising a poor bereaved mum.

Polly Toynbee would have wittered on for thousands of words about the new 'human face' of the beloved Brown, and how perhaps, after all - changing her mind for the 50th time - he was the man to lead the nation into a bright new dawn.

Many of us would have blogged angrily about the cynicism of this, about how the use of a soldier's death for political purposes was totally unacceptable. We would have been wasting our time. The right-wing blogosphere would have been dismissed as 'nasty' and anti-our-boys.

It would, eventually, have been leaked that the unfortunate soldier had actually died owing to lack of equipment, but this would be relegated to page 12, lost in the general positive uproar and relentless spinning of the slick Labour PR machine.

How easily this could have been a nauseating triumph for Labour spin.

How easily Mrs Janes could have been the poster girl for caring new Labour, a platform for Gordon's comeback, had she just made up her mind slightly differently.

And that, Gordon; that, Mandlesnake-crying-on-the-Today-programme; that all you left-leaning, Labour-puffing media puppets, is why you really can't complain when for once the tide goes against you, and you get your nasty interfering little fingers caught in the spin machinery.

Can you?


_

Go on then: what is the difference between Nick Griffin and Gordon Brown? Well, according to Justin :

..one is a fat, wonkey-eyed loser with repugnant attitudes towards immigration, and the other is the leader of the British National Party.

..one has his thugs break down foreigners’ doors at dawn, and the other is the leader of the British National Party.

..one has his thugs intern foreigners and their children, and the other is the leader of the British National Party

..one has his thugs regularly and frequently beat foreigners, and the other is the leader of the British National Party.
 
..one has his thugs traumatise foreigners’ children, and the other is the leader of the British National Party.

..one is loading darkies on to planes and sending them back to some of the world’s worst hellholes, and the other is the leader of the British National Party.

He goes on:

"Half the country seems up in arms that Nick Griffin is being allowed near a television studio but when a man, who has done things to foreigners that would give Griffin wet dreams from here to eternity goes, goes on GMTV barely anybody squeaks. Hell, a huge chunk of them voted for him.

And yet Griffin’s never going to wreck the number of lives Brown has – not if he lives to be a thousand."

Bang on. Griffin’s a nasty, unimportant shit bag, with no influence whatsover. There's a much bigger, nastier shit bag out there: the difference is, he’s our fucking Prime Minister..


Hat-tip to Justin over at Chicken Yoghurt. Genius. Pure Genius.

Gordon Brown will haul his woeful, flabby, exhausted arse onto the stage in Brighton later today, to make yet another last chance, turn-things-around, fightback "speech of his life".

Doubtless, whatever he says, he will be greeted with thunderous applause, standing ovations and tearfully grateful headlines in certain sections of the press.

Speechwriters will have crafted his words very carefully, and we can expect all the usual tired cliches; "hard working families", "do-nothing Tories", "Labour investments" to be hammered into our skulls in McBroon's droning monotone.

But there's one word that definitely won't appear. A word that does not seem to be in Brown's vocabulary. The simple word, "Sorry".

Why not try it Gordon? Go on. Say "Sorry".

Say sorry to your fellow MP's: most of them are going to lose their jobs soon, and many of them will never, ever be MP's again. The party you lead, Gordon, faces decades in the wilderness. You've made a party - a party that won by a landslide 12 years ago - completely unelectable.

Say sorry to the Labour activists, your grass roots, whose best efforts have been wasted, desperately trying to defend the indefensible.  There's not a lot you can say on the doorstep, or on your pro-Labour blog, or on Twitter, when faced with a set of massive fuck-ups of these proportions, is there?

Be especially sorry to @bevaniteellie, supposedly the most followed, most influential pro-Labour 'twitterer' in the country, who has wasted months of her life - over 6,500 'tweets' - desperately trying to influence others to vote Labour, but has had to do it almost enitirely with lies and smears about the Tories, because there's nothing good to say about the Labour party, even for the most blinkered and naive like her.

Say sorry to the nation, Gordon: you've made us a laughing stock around the world. When Americans think of Britain, they don't think of a vital partner in a Special Relationship, they think of a declining power, a country with a leader that no-one voted for and no-one wants. They don't see you as a powerful ally, they see you, our Prime Minister, as a weak man, making a fool of himself with his pathetic attempts to touch the hem of their leader. A man who allowed a terrorist to be set free while he was on holiday. That makes us all look a bit silly, doesn't it?

You should say sorry to all of those who have lost their jobs, thanks to your bungled economic policies.  And sorry to all those who are going to lose their jobs when the vast, bloated public sector is slashed, and all of the thousand of non-jobs disappear. Yes, all those Outreach Co-ordinators, Diversity Managers, Community Space Challenger Co-ordinators and Enviro-Crime Enforcement Officers are going to be unemployed - and unemployable - next year. Say sorry to them.

Say you're sorry to those who were tricked by the endless "no more bust" boasting and socially-engineered easy credit into over-extending themselves, and are now in negative equity, or struggling to clear huge debts.

Say sorry to all the students who couldn't find a place in University this year, because there just aren't enough, regardless of the 'targets' your government set.

Say sorry to the next generation, who are going to be paying more in tax than they should do for their whole working lives, not to pay for national infrastructure and services, but to pay for the debts that you ran up, in your vast 10 year spending spree, which was all about making you and your government look good, and all about securing your place in history, and not much about making our lives better.

Yes, Gordon, there a lot of people who deserve an apology.

And this is your last chance.


_

This isn't funny: this is fucking terrifying. If the information below is correct, Brown should be removed from office immediately.

ESTABLISHMENT 'COLLUDING IN PLIGHT OF SICK MAN BROWN'?

"The Prime Minister of Great Britain is a man too ill to be holding the Office." This was the conclusion last week of a senior civil servant liaising regularly with Gordon Brown. For reasons which will become clear, the person involved will not go public with the evidence for this conclusion. The same applies to a high-ranking Treasury official who told us "In both a physical and mental sense, the Prime Minister is a very sick man, seriously disabled." Three years ago, an Opposition MP told nby "He is on extremely heavy doses of cutting-edge anti-depressants, but so far they have made little difference". And during the last fortnight, another high-ranking government source claimed "He is now on pills which restrict the foods he can eat and what he can drink. He is losing the sight of his good eye quite rapidly. It's a mess, and nobody knows what to do".

Rumours have circulated about Gordon Brown's health for a number of years. As long ago as 2004, Simon Heffer wrote in the Spectator that he displayed many signs of Asperger's syndrome: humourlessness, lack of irony and obsessional behaviour patterns. Nby itself ran a long piece in February 2007, predicting fairly accurately how Brown's rigid responses to given situations would prove to be inappropriate, and his behaviour in the end dysfunctional. We noted at the time 'If the Labour Party can organise seventy-three signatories to a document of intent named 'Anyone but Gordon', then there must be something about the man which might make him unfit to be Prime Minister'. In fact, we had already been advised by then that the PM had been on large doses of SSRI anti-depressants - the class of drugs derived from Prozac.

The overall story is well known in lobbyist circles. A senior member of this group told us that "Brown is in a very dark place. Sarah [hiswife, Mrs Brown] has begged him on several occasions to seek help, but he resists most offers of advice." Yet another popular journalist said "I'm afraid all the stories about him throwing things around and screaming at secretaries are entirely true. He behaves impeccably in public and can really turn on the charm when he needs to in private - but inside the bunker he behaves appallingly. He's also binging on junk food late at night - you can see he's gaining weight".


However, our investigation suggests that there is a more important reason for the PM's weight gain: he is now on a different class of drugs, for which ballooning weight is one of the least dangerous side-effects.

These drugs are called Mono Amine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOIs). Before the arrival of Prozac derivatives, they were the first line of attack when dealing with severely depressed patients. But a senior physician told us last month "A GP would have to be insane to prescribe MAOIs these days - SSRIs are safer, with far fewer side-effects. Apart from anything else, it's almost impossible to get hold of them".

This is indeed correct. In 2003, SKB withdrew their MAOI brand-leader Parnate because of the dangers it represented, and also because SSRIs had none of the disadvantages. However, at the time several regional mental health units reported that for some patients, SSRIs were nowhere near as effective.

Thus there is evidence that, having tried and seen no help from the newer generation of drugs, Gordon Brown has now been put onto MAOIs. If this is true, then he is indeed in a desperate state - as we shall explain.

This evidence was handed to us inadvertantly. The senior source referred to at the start of this piece mentioned "the latest nonsense - a huge list of things he can't eat or drink because of the drugs he's on...most importantly, cheese and Chianti". Every doctor in Britain would recognise these contraindications instantly: for they are the two great verbotens for people taking MAOI drugs.

As long ago as 2001, prescribing psychiatrists described MAOIs as 'the last resort now we have better drugs'. However, for all their downsides (several thousand people around the world have died as a result of ignoring the dietary advice re MAOIs) this older class of drugs has one huge advantage: for severe depression and obsessive compulsive disorder it remains very effective.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is relatively common. Most of us display some obsessive features in everyday life, but under stress a minority of people become borderline or actual OCD in their behaviour, and need medication to control both this and the depression which almost always presents soon afterwards. The most obvious symptom is a compulsive need to carry out functions such as hand-washing or counting almost incessantly. (The Asperger's syndrome 'Rain Man' personality displays these too, but the two conditions are easily separable on other bases. Our view is that Brown has OCD, not Asperger's syndrome.)

Gordon Brown's symptoms are obvious when viewed in this light: the constant repetition of phrases, and an almost embarrassing (for his Party) need to spray every Parliamentary answer with statistics. Lifting out of poverty, the Tories are the do-nothing Party, global problems require global solutions - these and myriad others have been repeated over and over ad nauseam. Equally, the six million lifted out of poverty, twelve million helped by mortgage benefits, two million new jobs created: when interrogated, these figures often prove to be illusory, but they - and the constant speech repetition - represent Brown's unconscious means of controlling the severe anxiety that accompanies depression with OCD.

We have no means (as yet) of proving his use of MAOIs, although the 'long list of forbidden foods' is the nearest one will get to a smoking gun - short of a written, signed diagnosis or prescription. We also cannot be certain how long the PM has been taking them, but the remark 'the latest nonsense' suggests that this is a relatively recent development. On average, a heavy dose of MAOI therapy would start to display some results within twenty days to six weeks. Gordon Brown has reportedly returned from 'easily his longest break from Downing Street' feeling 'very much refreshed and up for it'. It is more than likely he took the uncharacteristically long break on medical advice. And it will be interesting to note whether his behaviour changes.

One feature unlikely to change is the increasingly obvious difficulty he has finding his way to and from podiums, and lack of peripheral vision. This (according to a senior, medically-trained source) is the result of failing sight in the one eye he has left. We found so many confirmations of this story from so many sources, it seems to us impossible for it to be pure invention. It appears to be universally recognised in the Cabinet and upper echelons of the Civil Service.

So: here we seem to have a man (unless huges cadres of non-colluding senior people are liars) on a rarely used, dangerous drug to control his mental state - and getting close to a stage of serious disablement in relation to his eyesight. As this would clearly make any such person wholly unfit to fulfil the Premiership - especially in the dangerous, broken world we now inhabit - why hasn't the story broken more widely? Why hasn't the Opposition leapt on it? In answering this question, we need to delve into the murkier waters of Gordon Brown's psyche - and the cynical guessing-game that passes for public service in the House of Commons....on all sides.

Brown rules by fear and smear. He always has done, and it is the main thing he is known (and hated) for in the Labour Party. A former Cabinet Minister told nby in early 2008 "Nobody ran against Gordon because nobody could face the slur, innuendo and blackmail that would go with it. When he gets going, Brown and his little coterie of spinners are animals". Several similar observations appeared in national newspapers during late 2007. There has also remained the rumour that even Blair himself eventually fell foul of this, and left not of his own volition but as a result of threats from the Brown camp. That must remain as conjecture: but given his alleged track record of not entirely legal actions, Blair would have had a lot to be frightened about.

The PM evokes a certain degree of loyalty from close confidantes, but the main reason why no Brown staffer has broken ranks is that this would mean the end of the meal-ticket: either Brown would fall, or he would deny...and bury the whistle-blower. Luncheon Vouchers are also behind the remaining silence in the Parliamentary Party as a whole. Two senior Lobby correspondents have confirmed to us in the last three weeks that "even the most anti-Brown camp think there's no alternative to Brown". Nearly all Labour backbenchers now expect a rout, but think that if Brown were ousted they would be wiped out. Comically, the exact opposite view pertains in the Tory Shadow Cabinet, where "they're so terrified of Labour dumping Brown, they'd do anything to leave him precisely where he is".

This bears further examination on a number of levels. Three of our sources confirmed the general view that the parlous state of Brown's health is well-known among Conservative bigwigs. That they collude in an allegedly dangerously ill man remaining in charge of Government (purely to ensure their own victory) is selfish cynicism of the worst kind - and a damning charge to which, if and when the truth of this matter comes to light, they will have no defence. It also reinforces the electorate's feeling that senior Cameron Tories are woefully lacking in confidence - or convincing alternatives to what the Government is doing.

One of the main sources of this story told us, "It's a farce, and utterly disgraceful. There isn't a mandarin in Whitehall who's unaware of Brown's condition - they tittle-tattle the tale wherever they go, dining out on their inside knowledge, and yet won't lift a finger to bring it to the public's attention. We are being let down at every turn by the spineless Establishment running this country".

One can appreciate how a similar situation developed from 1935 onwards in relation to the King's relationship with Mrs Simpson. But it is hard to understand why the press - especially the right-wing press - haven't had a harder go at nailing this story in 2009. The tabloids are too busy shouting threats into celeb letter-boxes, and the more liberally inclined papers may well share the New Labour view that loyalty is their duty at this stage of the game; but that seems unlikely - and what of Dacre at The Mail, or the Telegraph, still fresh from its huge success in blowing the lid off the expenses scandal?

The answer usually comes back 'there's no physical evidence, and it's an easy story to deny - to dismiss as just another anti-Brown smear campaign'. But perhaps the clues about MAOI usage by the Prime Minister make it much harder to deny....and much easier to get written confirmation. For if it's true, Brown's entourage must be sending out strict dietary requirements ahead of his regularly catered public engagements; one could even monitor what he eats on such occasions.

Not Born Yesterday lacks both the sources and resources to do this job. The sole purpose of this piece is to get matters to a stage where the story is out in the public domain, such that the real people who count in Britain - the voters - can make their own minds up about it. And - who knows? - to create a situation in which the Opposition might at last do its duty, and question the PM's fitness for office on these well-known (if not as yet well-documented) bases.


©2009 Not Born Yesterday and John Ward.


Hat tip Anna Raccoon via Old Holborn



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The Scottish Parliament is to be recalled today, to debate the controversial release of the Libyan convicted for the Lockerbie bombings.

Subrosa writes that there may well be a vote of no-confidence in Kenny MacAskill , the man who (allegedly) made the decision to let the poor sickly terrorist go home. Feelings are running high, not just in Scotland but around the world, but as Subrosa points out:

"Whilst the reverberations continue the Prime Minister enjoys the seclusion of his well guarded home in the Kingdom of Fife confident that his new mantra 'silence is golden' will pay off."

But, Gordon, that's not fucking good enough. You might be the most hated Prime Minister we've ever had, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to fucking hide from the public whenever you choose. You might fuck up everything you touch, but that doesn't allow you to just give up.

In the last few days, your silence has grown deafening. Not a quote, not a press conference, not even a "sources close to" rumour. You've even left the bandwagon-jumping on the Ashes victory to your missus (or, more likely, the taxpayer-funded PR team who pretend to be your missus).

You've always been ready with a quote on populist matters, like the Arctic fucking Monkeys, and Jade fucking Goody, so your silence on real, international issues is even more cowardly and obvious.

But it's not just a sound-bite we want from you and your 600+ little chums, Gorgon. It's some fucking action. And not just in the case of the Lockerbie bomber whose release you were clearly involved in.

Since you crept off on your holidays, the world has carried on turning, and nothing's getting any better for any of us. In case you really have dumped your Blackberry in a river, here's what's been going on the in the real world:

• There's been even more government-endorsed 'quantitative easing'; printing more and more Mickey Mouse money to create inflation to hide the mess you made.


• A report has been published showing that the MoD has been about as incompetent as it's possible to be without actually dying of stupidity. Money has been pissed up every available wall, and virtually nothing has been delivered in time or even working properly.


• Even though economies elsewhere have begun to grow again, ours - apparently not "best placed to recover" after all - has not. No, it's continued to decline.


• Your fucking spin doctors desperately tried to whip up an Internet campaign on Twitter (ask your missus what that is) to smear the Tories as 'hating' the NHS. Sadly for you, it failed: more people trust the Tories with the NHS than your lot. Hardly surprising, given the amount of lies and bullshit we've heard from you over the last few months.


• Your spin doctors have also tried to get revenge on the Head of the Army by trying to smear him over his expenses. Expenses, for fuck's sake. Breath-taking hypocrisy, and it completely fucking failed anyway, since he's a fuck sight less greedy than virtually any MP you can think off.

So not just the Lockerbie bomber storm - in which you are doubtless up to your chubby neck - the whole fucking nation is going down the shitter, and you can't even be arsed to make a statement to the press, let alone start "working hard" (wasn't that your soundbite?) to try and clear up these various stinking messes.

Brown, you're the fucking Prime Minister, even if very few people actually want you to be. You're fucking responsible. Recall Parliament, right now. Debate these issues, and then get your Government to start fucking governing.

As John Redwood points out, the events in Scotland put you to shame in more than one way:

"A powerless UK government allows the Scottish government to make this decision, washes its hands of the foreign policy consequences, and doesn’t even allow English MPs to have a voice on that foreign policy, whilst Scotland not only makes the decision but has a functioning democracy to debate it."

Remember, McBroon: you work for us. If you were a senior manager in a real fucking business (although Christ knows how you'd manage that) you wouldn't be allowed to disappear on holiday for weeks and weeks, particularly if the company was going through a series of major crises, largely of your making.

Get your sorry arse back to Westminster, and get on with your fucking job.



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As regular readers will know, CF finds the time to craft his occasional blog posts because he has been - ahem - 'resting' since February. Finding work in the beleaguered financial services sector is a little tricky at the moment. Vacancies are few, and salaries and contract rates are falling.

The gloom lifts a little, when a juicy opportunity appears. Right sort of work, very good money. Only one problem - the work is in the North of England, whereas CF is currently domiciled in East Anglia, and normally works in London.

No problem, trills the agent: weekly flights will be paid for too. What? And, she adds, there's more than one vacancy here. Tell your friends. Come one, come all. Good Lord.

So, lets get this straight: this client has multiple vacancies, is paying more than any of the serious, global players in the famously profligate City of London, and is willing to fly workers in, every week, from all over the land. Surely there's a catch? Surely no-one has that sort of cash to throw around?

Just who, pray, is this beneficent client?

"You may have heard of them..", says the recruiter, "..they're called Northern Rock."

Oh. Suddenly all becomes clear.

That would be the Northern Rock that belongs to us, the taxpayers. The same Northern Rock that is currently running on our fucking money.

The same Northern Rock that The Telegraph claimed, earlier this week, is going to be sold soon. Gordon Brown wants to flog Northern Rock, possibly to Tesco's, just as soon as he can.

Clearly the instruction has gone out to urgently polish the turd, patch it up a bit. Stuff it full of highly paid 'Interim' directors and managers, make it look like a proper company, then flip it to a greengrocer as soon as possible.

As usual, Broon doesn't really care how much he sells the Rock for: no, this is all about political advantage. If he can dump the body ahead of the election, its one more 'triumph' he can shout about at PMQ's.

And - even more importantly in Brown's twisted mind - it stops the hated Cameron getting any credit from selling it in the future - for a whole lot more - when it's properly mended, and when the markets have recovered. So it must be sold, and sold now.

And that costs serious money. Money on consultants, money on temporary staff, money to recruitment agencies, money for tens of flights up and down the country: the .. errrr .. 'investment' is endless. But, hey, no problem: it's millions well spent, in Broon's head, if it makes him look slightly better, and thwarts those nasty Tories.

We're watching the departure of one of the very last carriages of the Brown Gravy Train, the final chance to suck the very last drops from the well of government-supplied money. And this time, it can be done without even have to retrain to become a Civil Servant.


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Related articles

• Tesco eyes bid for Northern Rock (telegraph.co.uk)
• Northern Rock losses grow by more than £500m (telegraph.co.uk)

Just read Tory MP Greg Hands' account on Conservative Home of a visit to a school in his constituency by the dishonest duo, Gordon Brown and Ed 'Blinky' Balls, earlier this week.

Even allowing for the fact that - as a Tory MP - Hands is doubtless exaggerating and spinning the tale, it makes astonishing reading. He points out that:

"With my constituency being the closest marginal to Westminster, we are used to a few ministerial and shadow ministerial visits over the last ten years"

No doubt - its probably hard to move for gurning opportunists on the average Monday morning.


It is a documented Commons 'Convention and Courtesy' that MP's - of any party - are notified prior to a visit by Cabinet Ministers to what is, after all, their constituency.

Seems reasonable, eh? They were elected to the position, chosen by the people for the role; know what that means Brown? No? How about you, Mandelson?

Guess what? The convention was arrogantly ignored for political advantage. Who'd have thought? According to Hands:

"neither Brown nor Balls notified me of their visit. I found out from the Local Education Authority"

Sneaky fuckers. But wait, it was worse than that:

"When I arrived at the school 10 minutes early, waiting for me was a Ms Izzet from Ed Balls's office, who loudly announced, in front of an ITN camera crew, that I was "not invited"."

For fuck's sake. Does the arrogant bullying and deceit of this corrupt party never end? This is, after all..

".. a civil servant attempting to ban a Member of Parliament from a public facility in his own constituency.

In case there was any doubt as to Ms Izzet's party affiliation, and therefore her preferred modus operandi, she then gave a quick demonstration of traditional New Labour values:

"Realising that I wasn't moving, and in front of dozens of children eagerly awaiting the visit, Ms Izzet then tried to entice me to an office for "some refreshments". She was trying anything to get me out of the way.."

"Ms Izzet told me that I hadn't even myself visited the school, which was a lie"

A bit of 'stage management'? A blatant fucking lie? A quick smear? Oh, she's a Labour gal all right. As well as a neutral civil servant. Anyway, what the fuck has Hands' previous visits to a school in his own constituency got to do with you, you evil fucking harpy?

But this was her masters' special occasion, and she was buggered if she was going to have some nasty Tories wrecking it for them.

"Stephen Greenhalgh, Leader of the Council arrived, and Ms Izzet was remarkably and improbably even more confrontational towards him, even though the School was Council property and the Council is the Local Education Authority."

Dear god. Bear in mind, we pay this fucking woman, and she's supposed to be political neutral. What the flying fuck is she doing trying to chase away anyone who might criticise the dear leader? What is this, China?

Fortunately, both Hands and Greenhalgh eventually gained access to the school, and were then treated to what Hands described as "an hour of pure pantomime". Apparently, the woefully socially inept Brown blundered around making a complete arse of himself.

"Brown made a number of faux pas. His worst was to meet the same Italian teacher twice in 15 minutes and attempt to have the same conversation with her, forgetting he had already met her. Each time he told her he was looking forward to going to Italy next week"

Par for the course there, Gordon. No wonder your minders didn't want anyone around who might go 'off message' and actually report your ineptitude to the world.

Hands concludes:

"The school did a fantastic job under some pressure from the officials, but the overriding memory of this Prime Ministerial visit to my constituency is that Brown and Balls surround themselves with officials who might be even more hectoring and bullying than their masters."

But there's something Hands didn't know at the time. An extra facet to this sorry tale of bias and dishonesty.

So, the hilarious final twist? The ultimate turd in the punchbowl? It's this: the bullying bitch who put aside her political neutrality to ride roughshod over all convention, purely to protect her beloved Labour Party; the egregious 'Ms Izzet' who is fucking paid for by us, the taxpayers, is also .. wait for it .. a former girlfriend of Damien McBride. Clearly, he taught her well.


There really is no escape from the corruption, sleaze and deceit, is there?


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CF knows a little about Parliamentary convention (unlike NuSpeaker Bercow, wigless, robeless and charmless on his first day in the big seat).

And he knows that, whilst in the House, one Hon. member may not accuse another Hon. Member of "'lying'. Perish the thought.

However, the Tories seem to have let that historical barrier prevent them from ever hinting that Gordon Brown was somewhat less than honest in any circumstances, anywhere.

But at last, someone in the Tory bunker has peered into his (or her) undies and been delighted to notice that, overnight, they've grown a pair.

Leading to this video, which pushes the old boundaries a long, long way:



Lies, lies, lies, lies. CF is no Tory, but is fucking delighted to finally see Brown being called what he is and has always been: a liar.


Hat-tip to, well pretty much everybody. This is going viral at high speed.

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CF didn't blog today, because it was just too predictable and too, too easy.

Two astonishingly pro-Labour stories this weekend, both via the Guardian/Observer, both deserving to be universally attacked and both were, by all and sundry.

Hardly any need for CF to pitch in, really.

A brief summary, for those who couldn't be there:

Story #1) Gordon Brown: "you want to talk about me? OK .. the Tories will tax health at 10%"

Story #2) Gorbals Mick: "Ah was only removed because ah'm no posh"

With such utter, blatant shit like that being peddled by an (allegedly) serious paper like the Grauniad, there's little need for comment.

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Gordon Brown is quite happy to just open his mouth, drop his jaw, and let the lies pour out.

Oh yes, he'll say whatever he feels is necessary in the circumstances, blissfully regardless of its veracity. You can tell he's lying when you spot his lips moving.

Most of the time, thanks to supine journalists and a public with the attention span of a teeny tiny kitten, he gets clean away with it.

However, we seem to have something here. Just try to reconcile these fragments from around the web, would you?

From the Daily Telegraph blog of Alex Singleton we get the following:

"A Downing Street staff member, I can reveal, has leaked just how close Gordon Brown and Damian McBride remain."

"Before Mr Brown appeared on the Andrew Marr Show on May 31, he discussed his lines with Mr McBride by text message. This surely puts him at the heart of Gordon Brown's inner circle."

In 'The Scotsman', a story on the 14th of June, entitled McBride 'back working for Government' has this:

"Just weeks after McBride was forced to resign after writing an e-mail suggesting that Conservative leaders be smeared, insiders say the former special adviser is actively working for ministers again ... one respected party figure said that while the former adviser was not working at Number 10, he was engaged in informal briefings once again."

And in the Hansard coverage of PMQ's this Wednesday, we read:

Mr. Lee Scott (Ilford, North) (Con): Will the Prime Minister tell the House whether the Government have received any informal briefings from Damian McBride?

The Prime Minister: I have not.

The smell you can smell, people, is that of burning pants..


(Hat-tip to 'Mark Reckons')

The Mirror is a tedious and tendentious rag and CF never has - and never will - paid money for a copy. However, whilst trawling the web for entertainment and enlightenment, the latest nonsense to be published in the Sunday Mirror came to light.

Gordon Brown has taken some time off from shining Peter Mandelson's shoes and penned a short piece for the Mirror. In it, he describes his bold vision for Britain and the ambitious programme of legislation he has lined up to help bring the recession to an end and really improve the lives of all Britons.

Does he? Of course he fucking doesn't. What he actually does is churn out his endlessly repetitive fucking lies about "Tory cuts".

"We now know that the Tories want to cut public spending by a savage 10 per cent. They have finally revealed what their true priorities are: a cuts plan that is wide, deep and immediate"

They're your fucking cuts, Gordo. Cuts you know you've planned already. Your tame chancellor read them out in the last budget, remember? This was before he'd grown a pair and told you where to go, so your figures tripped out of his mouth and then vanished into the small print without anyone noticing.

And they're cuts that any government in 2010 would need to make, after you spent over 10 years of pissing cash up the wall like a lottery winner with learning difficulties.

But you don't see that do you, Broon? Or in fact, you do see that, you see it very fucking well, but you're not going to admit it before hell freezes over.

You can't fucking stop yourself spinning and lying. You want us to believe that the Tories, when they take over the sweaty, shit-stained driving seat from you and your hopeless cronies, will make these cuts ..

"..in order to fund a £200,000 tax cut for the 3,000 richest families."

For fuck's sake. How stupid do you think we are, Gord?

"David Cameron – Mr 10 Per Cent – would actually make the recession worse, by slowing public spending at exactly the time we need it most."

Yup. You do think we're all terminally thick, if you think we're going to buy your version of events. In fact, you think we're so desperately dumb, that we don't know what a cut even means. So, explain it to us as if we were 7 years old, would you, McBroon?

"And the impact wouldn’t just be felt in our national economy, but at the level it matters most in your school, your hospital, your neighbourhood. Cuts of 10 per cent would mean 44,000 fewer teachers, 15,000 fewer police, 10,000 fewer soldiers and, each year, 32,000 fewer university places. Those aren't just numbers on the page, but real jobs hanging in the balance."

Gosh, Gordie, those Tories are just evil, aren't they. Why are they doing this again? You said so a minute ago, but we're so dense, we've forgotten already, so just remind us, please?

"They will cut the services you and I rely on so that they can redistribute resources to the 3,000 richest estates in the country."

At this point, dear readers, CF will have to take a stiff drink and lie in a darkened room.

How the fuck can a grown man, supposedly in a position of responsibility, trot out these barefaced lies?

And how the fucking fuck can what pretends to be a proper mainstream newspaper print them?

And how the fucking fucking fuck can anybody, anywhere, of any political persuasion actually be expected to believe that complete shitstorm of lies, exaggerations and bollocks?


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CF generally likes to be proved right (and - owing to his bitter cynicism and mistrust - almost invariably is).

However, in the case of yesterday's post 'Gordon is Safe Now', CF very much wishes he had been competely, utterly fucking wrong.

But no, the post was tragically, bang on the money:

"Even the dumbest, most self-centred Labour MP can see that .. if Gordon stops - for any reason - being Prime Minister, then an election will be called shortly thereafter. An election that, unless CallMeDave is caught balls-deep in a Rohypnol'd Susan Boyle on the Queen Mother's grave , Labour has no fucking chance of winning.

"Every Labour MP will be thinking the same this morning. Why rebel, why resign dramatically, why go on TV to condemn McDoom when all that'll do is hasten my own personal trip to the wilderness?"

Clearly, that's pretty much what was going through the tiny, tiny, self-obsessed minds of the fuckwitted PLP last night, as they whooped, hollered, banged the desks and masturbated like crazy monkeys at the prospect of 12 more months of plasma TV's and property development.

And the cost to them of this extra year of troughin'? An extra year of Gordon, and then unemployment. As Mike Smithson at Politics Home puts it:

"..they are now lumbered with a leader who has almost none of the qualities that are required to win elections in the modern age - someone who is so unpopular that he gets booed when he attends veterans events like the D-Day celebrations"

But apparently that doesn't matter to these gibbering, desk-thumping, yelling morons. So now the-worst-PM-we've-ever-had has his feet well under the desk and likely to stay there until mid-2010. Fuck.

Does the fact that the public loathe him and his doings have no bearing? Of course it fucking doesn't. Get real.

We're living in a non-representative democracy: we can all choose which bus to get on, but the driver is under no obligation to go where he said he was going to or to tell us where he now intends to go instead or to let us off the bus when the scenery outside the window begins to look frightening and wrong and nothing like the destination we wanted.

The only thing we can do, as we crouch terrified in our seats, is shout at the driver, in a desperate attempt to remind him of what we, the paying fucking passengers, want from him. It's not much, and it probably won't work, but there's fuck all else to do.

So lets take all the energy and anger that's been directed at 'Getting Rid of Brown' and use it to make sure that he, and his spineless government, are very aware of exactly what we - their masters - want. Examine everything they say, object to everything they try to do, reject their lies and spin. Don't let the fuckers get away with anything.

Let's harass and chivvy, poke and prod, challenge and rebut this pathetic government until its last ragged breath. Let's focus a bit less on Guido's tittle-tattle, and a lot more on Old Holborn's fury, the Devil's rage and Mr Eugenide's righteous wrath.

Gordon, for the next year, you're not going to get - and you don't deserve - a moment's peace.

Related articles

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