Well done, Unite, you self-interested clique of imbeciles. Well done Derek Simpson, you pointless rabble-rouser.

Well done you mindless snack-vending sheep. A famous courtroom victory: you've 'won'; you've got your strike.

Now you can fully exercise your sacrosanct fucking rights to ruin your employer's business.Go on, teach Willie Walsh a lesson. With a bit of luck, he'll eventually lose his job - you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Willie can't keep the business profitable if you're all sunbathing in your own gardens, rather than sunbathing free of charge on a layover in Mauritius. Yeah, keep this up and he could be fired, and he'd have to either take another hugely well paid job or retire with all his millions. And that'll learn him, won't it? You morons.

But do get on with your strikes, won't you? Make sure you've made your point of principle clear, whatever it fucking well is. Never mind if you destroy the value of the business that pays you.

Go on, make sure that families never take the risk of having their half-tem ruined by booking their travel with BA - force 'em to all go with Easyjet.

Make sure that businesses never choose BA as their preferred carrier, because they can't be sure their staff will even make it to their meetings overseas. Let Air France ferry our eeevil bankers over the Atlantic.

Make sure that nobody in their right minds chooses to fly BA when there are other options available.

If you can strike frequently enough, and disrupt everything often enough, then perhaps you could even drive your employer into bankruptcy, or into the arms of the state. Perhaps the goverment will choose to prop up the 'too big to fail' national carrrier, and you can all become employees of the state, just at the time when state spending is being cut to the bone.

But, whatever you do, snack vendors, make sure you stick to your guns. After all, there important principles at stake here. Your perks, your freebie flights, are a basic human right, aren't they? Why should you forfeit them just because you keep trying to harm your employers business?

Don't worry about us - we'll go on holiday with Ryanair. We won't enjoy it much, but we'll get there, flying over your stupid empty heads as you picket Terminal 1 at Heathrow.

And then, when we see you in two years time, still serving snacks, but this time on the ground, in MacDonalds, you can be proud - you stood up for something important. You brought down a mighty corporation, you WON.

Just do whatever you want, and fuck the consequences, eh?

Oh, you are.

.

In spite of having desperately trying to woo big business for thirteen long years - while at the same time, destroying the environment in which any business might succeed - Labour's mask is finally slipping, and the socialists' true feelings are showing through.

First, the great National Insurance debacle, which hilariously climaxed with senior Labour figures muttering that the business heads who disagreed with the Government didn't really understand, and didn't really know what they were talking about.

And now Labour is pissing off business and the City all over again. What is it now? Why, it's the proposed Cadbury's Law , new legislation which merrily tramples all over the long-established ways in which takeovers, mergers and acquisitions occur.

Can't you just tell, without even hearing the details - that it's going to be a knee jerk, ill-thought-out, pathetically populist piece of proposed legislation? It's even got a media-friendly nickname, for fuck's sake.

And let's have look at this idea. Is it going to be the usual socialist 'make everything fairer by forbidding things' fuckwittery? Of course it is.

The new laws are apparently designed to prevent the takeover of a company of 'National Interest'. There we go, it's falling apart already. Who decides if a company is of national interest? The Lord High Mandelson? Robert Peston? Clunker Broon? The Daily Mirror?

And then, once it is, the interference begins: the plan is to change takeover regulations to insist that two-thirds of shareholders must approve big transactions, as opposed to the simple majority required at the moment.

Good word, that: 'Big'. It can mean whatever FoyBoy wants it to. And it's a bit of an odd twist on the old democracy thing, isn't it? Perhaps Labour want to trial it in business, with a view to using in General Elections, to keep the eevil Tories out.

And there's more: there'll be rules designed to limit the influence of short-term investors such as hedge funds, by excluding them from buying shares during bids and from voting on the transaction.

So certain people and institutions will be forbidden from particpating? Oh this is grand. We already know from the Great Bonus Tax fuck-up that no-one in the Government actually knows what all the different financial institutions are, and what they actually do, so how will this work? The FSA? Yeah, right.

Yep, even without the full details, that sounds just as unworkable as any of the stupid ideas that pour out this woeful Government.

Andy Brough, a fund manager, said that under the proposals..

"..everyone loses out. Shareholders and pension funds would have a lower return. Capital would be left in companies which have reached their sell-by date."

'Everyone loses out'? Yeah: that's New Labour, right there, mate.


.

One of the few areas in which this woeful government is consistent is their total, utter unwillingness to take advice, or even listen to ideas that differ from their own.

On any given issue, they'll create a panel of experts, pay them handsomely - with our money - then totally fucking ignore anything they say.

Like, say, the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs. This council has already lost 6 advisers, tired of being ignored or misrepresented, and today they've lost a seventh.

Eric Carlin has resigned, saying the council's decision taken earlier this week was "unduly based on media and political pressure".

Let's just pick through his resignation letter, shall we?

"I had hoped that my substantial experience of managing drug prevention and treatment services might help influence the committee, and thereby the government, to think about drugs as more of a public health issue rather than focussing narrowly on the criminal justice aspects. This has not been the case."

"I have grown increasingly disillusioned .. with the lack of attention paid .. by politicians and the media"

"At our meeting earlier this week .. there was no time for questions on the report due to the haste with which we were being pushed to make a decision about classifying Mephedrone; this so that .. you could do a round of press announcements."

"..we had little or no discussion about how our recommendation to classify this drug would be likely to impact on young people's behaviour.

"Our decision was unduly based on media and political pressure"

"The report was tabled to the whole council for the first time on Monday; the chair came to brief you before the whole council had even discussed all of the report. In fact, I still haven't seen the final version"

"As well as being extremely unhappy with how the ACMD operates, I am not prepared to continue to be part of a body which, as its main activity, works to facilitate the potential criminalisation of increasing numbers of young people."

Well, that's pretty fucking clear, eh?

Professor David Nutt, the first to leave the panel in 2009 - although he didn't resign, he was sacked by Alan Johnson for having an opinion - said he wasn't surprised by Mr Carlin's resignation:

"There's not been proper consideration given to the broader justice and political aspects of making a drug Class B and criminalising maybe tens of thousands of young people"

"I'm not surprised that people think it's all been done for political reasons rather than scientific or health reasons."

A Home Office spokesman, probably stroking a white cat, sinisterly called Mr Carlin's resignation "regrettable", adding:

"However, it does not impact on our plans to ban mephedrone and the other substances as soon as parliamentary time allows"

Sorry Eric, you've wasted your time, mate.

This fucking government doesn't listen to anybody.

Other than tabloid editors.

.

CF has one of those whizzy Onepulse Barclaycards, You know, the ones you just wave near a tube station gate, or newsagent, or a suitably-equipped prostitute, to make 'contactless payment' or whatever the marketing idiots call it.

And very handy it is too. So handy, that when Barclaycard offered CF a second card, he was glad to reply "Why, yes! One for the lady wife, if you would!".

Sure enough, 10 days later, a letter arrived. Printed on cheap, thin paper, using a dot matrix printer, it tersely informed CF "Your application has been refused".

What? You fucking what?

You just offered a second card, you nonces. A card for Mrs CF, who shares the same surname, lives at the same address and is party to joint bank and mortgage accounts. So presumably has a startlingly similar credit rating to the main cardholder.

The card itself hasn't exactly been used to run up hideous debts, either. It's used most days, always cleared every month - by Mrs CF, funnily enough -  and it's got a 5 figure limit which has never, ever been exceeded.

And you weren't exactly cautious when you issued the fucking first card, were you? If CF recalls correctly, his was flogged to him by a shifty-looking bloke signing people up at Kings Cross railway station, for Christ's sake.

So why the fuck can't Mrs CF have one, you dimwitted moneylenders?

Dear god.
.

What did the nation do, what did the poor bloody Army, Navy and Air Force do to deserve Bob bloody Ainsworth as Defence Secretary?

Seldom can any Cabinet post been held by a man of such astonishing ineptitude. And to make it worse, the hand that is firmly wedged up his arse, working him like the hopeless puppet that he is, belongs to our woeful and unelected Prime Minister. A fuckwit directing another fuckwit.

This has long been a disastrous situation, but yesterday the Fuck Up dial was twisted so violently to 'Full on' that it snapped off.

The Brown-Ainsworth axis has absolutely fucking  excelled itself this time.

Everyone's been saying we urgently need more helicopters in Afghanistan? Fine, say Bob 'n' Broon, you shall have them. 22 of them. Nice, eh?

But, they add, lowering their voices and looking shifty, we're .. err ... going to have to make massive cuts - well, actually, more massive cuts - in .. err ... just about every other area to pay for 'em.

And why exactly do we need to cut just about everything else to fund this political showboating? As Liam Fox, the shadow defence secretary, pointed out

“The new Chinook helicopters are of course welcome, but this decision would not have been necessary if the Prime Minister had not, against all advice, cut £1.4bn from the helicopter programme in 2004.”

But of course he did, Liam. He couldn't give a toss about the Forces. Didn't when he was Chancellor, still doesn't now.

Broon may well have gone on a lovely sleepover with them a few days ago, and tried on some of their hats, and he may well have bullied Ainsworth into providing these choppers, but that’s not because he gives a shit. Oh no.

That's because he's got a General Election coming up. Because he wants to give CallMeDave Cameron a hard time in every way possible.

So he makes Bobby sprinkle the promise of a few helicopters, just in time for Christmas. But what's the other hand doing? Why, cuts of course: an air base closed, an entire Harrier squadron scrapped, a reduction of 2,500 in the number of military personnel. And more; much, much more.

Do you remember Badger Darling saying last week that he was going to ring fence spending on schools, hospitals and the police? Yes, he did. But not Defence. Defence wasn't mentioned. And, lo and fucking behold, a few days later, the cuts begin.

So, yet a-fucking-gain, we see this woeful, dying Government breaking new ground. Doing something that has never been done before. Just - as usual - not in a good way.

As the Daily Telegraph points out this morning

"..this is first time in modern history that the Government has raided the budget of the Ministry of Defence to fund a continuing military operation"

Air Chief Marshal Lord Craig, former chief of the defence staff, is not impressed:

 “By cutting the fast jets again, the Government is reducing our ability to establish air superiority .. It doesn't matter how many helicopters you have if the other side is able shoot them down freely.”

“Does the Government think we're never again going to come up against an enemy with air power?"

Sir Malcolm Rifkind, former Defence Secretary himself, thinks

“.. It is deeply dangerous, never happened in the past and has the most ominous implications for the integrity of our armed forces.

Andrew Brookes, a former RAF commander doesn't think much of the Broon 'n' Bob idea either:

“If you cut back the premier league capability of the UK forces in order to just win a counter insurgency campaign against the Taliban, which has no air force and has no tanks and has no warships, when you finally do pitch up against a state that has those capabilities you could seriously end up losing a conflict"

So Bob, very well done. Your place in history is assured. You've fucked everything up.

But the best bit, the biggest piss take, the most audacious trick-we're-not-supposed-to-spot is that - oh, by the way guys - these fucking helicopters won't actually be ready until "at least" 2012. What?

Assuming the usual ineptitude, the standard levels of fuckups, the 'normal' delays, the helicopters won't actually be in service until 2013.

And guess what? According to Gordo', the poor sods who haven't already come home in a wooden box will be coming home then anyway.

Dear God.

_

The Irish get all the luck. They get a Government, and a Finance Minister, who actually admit that they're in a deep recession, and that drastic action must be taken.

And what do we get? We get Alistair 'Eyebrows' Darling standing there pretending that nothing's wrong after all. "A position of strength". For fuck's sake.

The Irish get a budget, yesterday, openly described as "medicine" for the terrible state they're in.

We get a budget designed solely to make Labour look good, and the Tories look bad. To create political dividing lines, rather than balance the bloody books.

The Irish have cut back on welfare payments - less for 'jobseekers' and less on benefits overall. Share the pain.

We won't. We'll continue to pour vast amounts of cash all over "the welfare", Labour's core vote.We've even increased a couple of welfare payments, as a little pre-election bribe.

And to fund that, we get a second increase in National Insurance, and a sneaky fiddle with tax bands, so that those that do work pay yet more tax on their income. 52% and rising, folks.

The Irish get public sector paycuts across the board. Even the Taoiseach gets a 20% pay cut.

We get Gordon Brown and his fucking useless cronies still taking the same (totally undeserved) salaries and expenses, and the masses get cheaper bingo, so that we might not notice.

The Irish get an emergency budget that reflects the gravity of the situation, and makes deep, painful cuts to remedy it.

We get a Mickey Mouse, class envy, grandstanding, will-never-be-collected, "spank the banks" bonus tax.

Those lucky, lucky Irish.

_

According to the National Audit Office - and, fuck, if they don't know, who does?

"..major projects worth around £200 billion are at risk of not achieving value for money due to significant weaknesses in the expertise of government departments."

Which is a somewhat restrained way of saying that the Government departments are fucking everything up, and happily pissing billions of our money up the wall, down the plughole and all over our appalled faces, while doing so.

For fuck's sake.

So, who are the culprits? Where is this ineptitude and profligacy to be found? Well, according to the Telegraph :

"The Ministry of Defence, Department for Transport, and Department for Children, Schools and Families [came in] for particular criticism by the National Audit Office"

Dear God. So, not the minor ones then? The large departments, the ones that deal with the big, important parts of our lives are officially incapable of organising a piss-up in a brewery, are they? Even if George Best and Keith Floyd were ennobled and made into piss-up Czars? Oh fuck.

Does that mean that other departments are bit less fucking incontinent with our money? No. Oh no. According to the Telegraph,

"The watchdog said that there could be even greater risks associated with many more projects where the skills shortages were not being assessed systematically."

Which is a careful, polite way of saying, "and we can't even find out - because no-one even knows - what other major fuck ups are going on".

Well hoo-fucking-ray.

And are these woeful bastards doing anything about their total lack of competence?

"..some departments were trying to fill their "skills gaps" by using temporary staff and consultants, leading to over-reliance and a loss of knowledge when these contractors moved on"

Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. So even more money gets thrown at Accenture, McKinsey and all the other providers of clean-shaven suit monkeys, so that they can train their graduate entrants and then walk away from the smouldering wreckage with their pockets bulging.

Edward Leigh, the chairman of the Commons Public Accounts Committee which oversees the work of the NAO, thinks that the government needed to get its fucking act together, and right quick at that. Only he said it slightly more politely:

"Time and again our committee has seen evidence of the public sector losing out when it deals with the private sector, simply because public authorities do not have enough staff with the commercial skills or experience they need.

"Given the current tough economic situation and the increasing involvement of the private sector in delivering public services, government must get the right people with commercial know-how in the right places quickly."

In other words, the slack-jawed, simple-minded jobsworths that sit in all the freshly minted non-jobs that have been created in the public sector are being bent over and rogered senseless by the people who actually have the brains and the drive to have found a job - a job that wasn't invented in 2006 to reduce the dole queues - in the private sector. Well, what a surprise. Who'd have thought?

The Office of Government Commerce said action - well of course, 'action' - was being taken to address the skills shortages in Whitehall.

"We look forward to continue working with departments to further maximise the effectiveness and impact of the initiatives we have established to plug shortfalls identified in capability and skills."

For fuck's sake. What in the flaming fuck does that mean? "We'll try to do better, honest"?

Don't bother. Just fucking give up, would you?

Tidy your desks, jot a resignation note, then step out of an upstairs fucking window. Thanks.

_

These fishermen and sailors are very concerned about the danger to the oceans from fossil fuel emissions. And why wouldn't they be? You don't want to turn up one morning, all ready to rape the ocean bed, only to find someone else has got there before you, do you? Not much fun trawling up every single fish for miles around if they're all dead, is it?

So, to bring the world's attention to their sorry plight, they took to sea and - get this, oooh, clever - wrote the letters S O S in the sea, using only their boats.

Only their boats. Only their fucking great diesel-powered fuel-glugging boats. Boats with engines bigger than the biggest truck or 4x4. Boats with tanks holding not hundreds but fucking thousands of litres of 'fossil fuel'. Even the boats equipped with fucking sails haven't bothered to raise them, as they chug around in their sanctimonious little circles.

And then, so that the whole world could see how very concerned they were about all the terrible and profligate burning of fossil fuels, they sent someone up in an aeroplane, a fucking aeroplane, just to get a photograph of their cleverness.

You fuckwits.

.