++ Breaking ++ : Labour admit "We're out of ideas"
They've tried the traditional channels, they've tried the new channels: Facebook, mySpace, Twitter - dear God, the fucking endless Twittering - but all to no avail.
But you could almost - almost - admire their pig-headed refusal to give up; their increasingly desperate attempts. Until now.
AA Gill, the journalist and restaurant critic, wrote a typically amusing piece for the Sunday Times this weekend, which included a description of how he'd - while in Africa - shot a wild baboon.
Naturally, a huge contingent of weeping bunny huggers have railed against the horror of this act, and yet another fucking vast Twitter witch-hunt has begun. This time the tag is not #janmoir - Twitter 'got' her - but #aagill. Yeah, Gill, you're next.
Although quite what the assorted greenies, veggies and conservation-nuts actually want to happen is not clear. Perhaps for the baboon to roll away the stone and ascend, shining, to the skies? Or perhaps just for AA Gill to ritually eviscerate himself on the fourth plinth. Who knows? Who cares?
In their quiet desperation, Labour activists have noted the popularity of the campaign and, with memories of the #weLoveTheNHS bandwagon still in their minds, leapt into action.
The person who pretends to be John 'never touched a computah' Prescott tweeted:
"#AAGill is a writer. Couldn't he use his IMAGINATION? E.g. I've never punched the twit but I IMAGINE it would feel pretty damn good!"
Then the #1 mindless pro-Labour twitterer activist, @bevanitteellie, joined the fray:
"I wonder what it would be like to shoot a bloodthirsty, savage restaurant critic... #AAGill"
What the fuck? New Labour, the Friends of the Baboon? #weLoveTheBaboon? Vote Labour: tough on monkey shooting, tough on the documenters of monkey shooting?
But then it all became clear where this was headed, where Labour activists wanted to go. This 'tweet' , from 'julianswainson', but enthusiastically repeated by other activists, fucking says it all:
"Remember - killing animals just for fun is what a Tory government under Cameron wants to introduce again. #aagill"
Oh for fuck's sake. Oh dear. Oh dear oh fucking dear.
Let's face it, Labour, if that's the best you can do...
..you're fucked.
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