Honest? You aren't, Sally.
That John, he's a busy man. Pledged to single-handedly 'clean up' Parliament. To root out the dishonesty and lies that have infected the place in recent years. Tough on fibs, tough on the purveyors of fibs.
A tough job. Still, at least he has the home comforts. That lovely, fragrant wife of his, Sally.
It must be nice to go home to her every evening, and share the trials of the day, eh?
Tales of all the lies discovered, the dishonesty revealed. The bright light of truth, shone into every murky corner. You can imagine him sitting there, cocoa in hand, pompously going on about the "importance of integrity".
Wonder if Sally blushes a bit, tries to change the subject, shifts about on her seat?
She fucking well should.
The Daily Mail this weekend revealed that Ms Bercow has some shameful secrets of her own.
Some years ago, Ms Bercow - then Ms Illman - was taken on by a leading City firm. Doubtless they were impressed by her CV which, amongst other things, claimed she had an Upper second in Theology. From Oxford University, no less.
However, when the firm rang Oxford for confirmation, they found that this claim was .. ahem ... a Terminological Inexactitude. A big fat porkie. A lie.
Sally was shown the door. She probably hoped the episode would sink into the sands of time, and be forgotten. She hoped wrong.
Naturally, on being accused, Mrs Bercow has issued the traditional response, tediously familiar to us all: "No I never"
Equally naturally, she didn't speak herself - a 'spokesman' - there's always a fucking spokesman - was deployed.
Managing to keep a straight face, the spokesperson informed the sniggering world that Ms Bercow had got an Upper Second. Just not for her degree. No. Eh?
Mrs Speaker-to-be studied Theology for her first two terms and scored that upper-second-class in her first-year exams.
She then switched from Theology to History, fucked that up, and left a year later. According to her contemporaries she ".. was asked to leave because of her poor academic performance".
Regardless, there's no argument that she left. Without getting to end of either course, and therefore without any fucking degree at all.
When the .. err .. erroneous CV was mentioned, the spokesman waxed indignant:
'In the CV she said she was at Oxford .. Nor did the CV say that she completed her degree.'
For fucks' sake. How stupid do you think we are?
Whilst 'at' Oxford, in all the spare time afforded by not bothering to work at her degree, the young Sally was an active member of the Conservative Association.
So observers were a little surprised when, shortly before aborting her course, she joined the Liberal Democrats.
But they didn't fret for long. She later returned to the Conservatives, and even addressed the party conference in 1993.
But then, ever fickle, by 1997 she had defected to Labour and was campaigning for Tony Blair.
She's stayed loyal to the red team, and recently announced that she will stand as a Labour candidate in next year's elections for Westminster City Council.
So, here we have a lady who clearly has no fucking clue about her own political views, willing to chop and change parties depending on where the advantage lies, and a lady who has not hesitated to lie about her past achievements in order to get what she wants.
She and the Labour party are clearly made for each other.
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