Constantly Furious: reads your mind

Chilling news from the world of science. Boffins, rather than working on a cure for the Geoff Hoon, or a method to force cyclists onto cycle paths, or an antidote for Strictly Come Dancing, have come up with a way to read minds.

Yes, really. Not just Derren Brown-esque trickery, but proper mind-reading. Apparently:

"Scientists have read the minds of healthy volunteers using a brain scanner to detect what they were thinking ... The advance brings a step closer the prospect of a "thought machine" to detect what a person is thinking from their brain activity patter"

Excited Scientists, breaking off from chanting "'ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go", and dancing around the labs', added

"Now that we have shown it is possible to directly access information about individual episodic memories in vivo and noninvasively, this offers new opportunities to examine important properties of episodic memory"

Which, in human speak, translates into "We can read your mind. While you're still alive. Without making holes in your head. Bwooo-hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa"

Well, ain't the State gonna love this? Won't Nanny be pleased?

Soon, you won't just be demonised and denormalised for smoking; you'll be in deep shit for just thinking about your next fag.

You won't just be abused and constrained for eating fish 'n' chips: Nanny will come down on you like a ton of bricks if you even hungrily daydream about a nice piece of cod.

And, just before you pick up the 'phone, or tap out an instant message, inviting your mates out for a drink on Friday night, you'll receive a stern email from Nanny, warning you off the binge.

Be afraid..

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