Gordon Brown is never happier than when he's able to turn his back on Britain, and all the problems and abuse we bring him, and have a good, long, grovel to his real friends in the U S of A.
So imagine his delight when the Saviour of us all, the second coming, Su-Su-Su-Suuuuperman, Bollocks Obama, kindly agreed to accept a call from the Unelected Head of the U of K.
A chance to rebuild bridges, a chance to put all those silly misunderstandings behind us. A new dawn. A brave frontier, that men and women may ... sorry ... the Obama Oratory bullshit technique can easily take over the normal thought patterns. Where were we? Oh yes, that call.
So, how did it go, Gordo?
"The call lasted 40 minutes and was warm and substantive"
Yeah? Well that's a first for McBroon. Warm, eh? So, what did you guys talk about?
"The two leaders concluded that the special relationship was as strong as ever..."
Really? As strong as when Reagan and Thatch' took on the Argies? Or as strong as when Tony Blair stuck his head so far up Bush's arse he could peer out of his oddly shaped mouth? Oh, goody.
"The special relationship shone through,"
.. a 'senior number 10 official' apparently told the monkeys over at Sky, doubtless dabbing tears of joy from his face.
Now, in the old, pre-Brown days, that would have been that. We'd have all gone off to bed happy. But in these new cynical times, we've all concluded that the best way to tell when Gordon Brown is telling one of his naughty fibs is to look at his lips. If they're moving, he's lying.
So, let's get a second opinion. Let's ask the damn Yankees how it all went. How did it go, baseball-boys?
"The President expressed his disappointment over the .. decision to release convicted Pan Am 103 Bomber al-Megrahi back to Libya,"
Oh. Oh. Hang on. Well, we'd heard they weren't exactly happy, over the pond. We saw the "Brown the betrayer" headlines. Those of us who don't love Gordo' did chuckle a bit when he was described as "cowardly, unprincipled, amoral and duplicitous" by the papers in America.
So what did Gordie do when he was confronted with these home truths by the home boys? Did he 'push back', as they say in America? Did he tell Saint Obama to "butt out"? Nah. The Downing Street statement says it all:
"The two leaders exchanged views about the release and the PM made clear the decision had been a matter for Holyrood"
Oh, well done Gordon, you fucking moron. Just when we thought our standing in the world couldn't get any lower, you lumber onto the scene and prove us wrong: "It wasnae me; a Scottish boy did it, an' ran away"
What was it the US papers said?
"cowardly, unprincipled, amoral and duplicitous".