Where in the world? Not PC World

PC World has reported grim times in their gaudily lit tat outlets. Sales fell 15% in the UK, apparently due to - who'd have thought? - " significantly lower sales". That'd do it, every fucking time.

How on earth has this happened? After all, PC World offer a range of shiny PC's and laptops. Everybody wants a laptop. You can just pop in, grab a new laptop and off you go, can't you?

Err, no. There are laptops aplenty on display, but none you can take to the till. The laptop you want to take away is securely stored around the back somewhere.

Someone has to fetch it for you. So you have to wait, and wait, and fucking wait, for that someone to be free. To stop answering inane questions from the elderly couple who just want to send email but are being upsold to a massive quad-CPU system with a 24 inch monitor.

And when the 13 year old Asian boy (actually, thats not fair: sometimes its a 19 year old Polish girl) is finally ready, can you have your laptop?

No, not yet. First you'll have to suffer a lengthy monologue about the importance of virus checking software and the happy co-incidence that PC World happens to have the worst product on the market available to you for 29.99.

Then you have to use all of your rhetorical skills to avoid being persuaded to pay 10 pounds a month for the privilege - one you thought you already had - of having your computer repaired if it goes wrong next week.

Then, and only then, will you be given the box containing the computer you came in 40 fucking minutes ago to buy.

But it's not just about the goods. PC World also offer a number of helpful services.

Among them is a repair and upgrade service. If you're too old, dense or idle to install a new hard disk, or if your computer has suddenly ceased to function after you shared your wine with it, take the box down to PC World, they'll sort it for you!

No they fucking won't. They'll cheerfully tell you, as you stand there sweating from the effort of lugging in a big box from the far end of the car park, a box that has been lurching about on the back seat of your car all fucking day, specifically so you could bring it in, that you need "a ticket".

A ticket? A fucking ticket? Yes. You can't just turn up with your computer and have it repaired you know. Oh no. Even though most of the staff are either picking their noses, downloading porn or playing on the consoles, they can't be expected to just drop everything and repair stuff at the drop of a hat.

What you have to do, mate, is lug that box back to your car, go home, look up PC world on the Internet (on your fucking dead computer) then ring the number given there.

After you've listened to a couple of hours of Enya, you'll be given a ticket number, which will entitle you to bring that box - that one there, on the counter - all the way back here, at which point one of the lads will stop picking his nose and start trawling your disk for pictures of your wife in a bikini.

Another advantage of buying new from a real, physical shop is that you can go back there when - inevitably - your new purchase makes a hideous grinding noise and stops working. They'll give you a new one, won't they?

Again, no. No. Not with PC fucking World. Although they sold that laptop 12 days ago, they want nothing to do with it. They don't even recognise it. They don't want to touch it. Ugh. Take it away, takeitaway!!

No, what you've gotta do, chum, is take that laptop, with all the boxes and packing material you dug out of the bin, back to your car, and go home.

Then you've got to look up PC World on the Internet (on your dead laptop) and 'phone the number given.

Will they help? No they won't. They will take you through a fucking immense labyrinth of menu options and computer generated voices, asking you to type in every serial number on every item in your entire fucking house, before eventually deducing, like a moronic Miss Marples, that your computer was made by Advent (yes, it was; it says it on the fucking lid) and warmly recommending that you call them.

PC world, you've utterly fucked up. In your ceaseless drive to minimise what you actually do, and your endless quest to have fewer staff, each with less ability, you've actually sunk well below the minimal standard of service that any half-normal person would tolerate.

CF would like to tell you all that in person, but he's never going to set foot in one of your stores again.

.

94 comments:

Anna Raccoon said...

That would be hilarious - if it wasn't so very true!

I gave up before your 40 minutes, and took myself off to John Lewis - where a sharp eyed salesperson spoted me eyeing up an expensive model, asked what I was going to use it for - running my blog - and promptly sold me a model at a third of the price, with their excellent after sales service thrown in, in 15 minutes flat.

He was right too - it does everything I need at a fraction of the price.

Jayce Kay said...

So you wouldn't be interested in the extended warranty or payment protection insurance either then?

Seriously though, well said.

patently said...

PC World get a sale from me if - and only if - I know precisely what I want, I know what the going rate for it is, it is on their open shelves, and I need it now. That's "now" as in NOW, RIGHT NOW.

Otherwise, no deal.

And I was once within seconds of grabbing a DSG Retail Mk1 spotty teenager by the lapels and yelling "NO I DO NOT WANT AN EXTENDED WARRANTY. OFFER IT ONCE MORE AND I *WILL* WALK OUT"

JuliaM said...

I'd never buy anything in PC World, not even software.

"Even though most of the staff are either picking their noses, downloading porn or playing on the consoles..."

Not sure that's true though. I think PC World employs the only young staff in the UK too PC-phobic/ignorant to be able to find porn, or play console games...

JuliaM said...

Oh, and don't get me started on Currys...

Uncle Bob said...

Luckily Uncle Bob has been a computer nerd since the days of the ZX spectrum and has been building his own PC's since 1997 and they are faster, with more storage and most importantly cheaper than anything you could buy in any compuuter store anywhere. Surely the purple shirts were to be the future divisions of Hitler's nazi empire. Think about it, the methodical irritation of every task their trained monkeys perform.

'Can I just pay for my PC and go...I'm in a rush, I have to pick the kids up.'

'Nein....ve must follow de correkt procedures at all times. Haf you considered taking out an extended warranty?'

'No, I got caught out like that once before.'

'Ok, unwise, but ok Mr Glitter, have it your way. Haf you made any precautions for viruses invading the borders of your hard-drive in an awesome blitzkrieg of destruction'...etc.

Don't go there people, learn how to upgrade and replace existing components yourself. It's not difficult to do and the internet is always awash with bargains. And as for antivirus software, do a google search for Avira. They supply a free antivirus software that updates frequently and I haven't been caught out by a virus since installing it.

Anonymous said...

CF just out of curiousity whats your opinion on Call centres and Banks ?

mariet said...

Well said indeed! Their (appalling) reputation goes before them

Constantly Furious said...

CF just out of curiousity whats your opinion on Call centres and Banks?


The staff belong in the same circle of hell as the morons at PC World.

Gary Glitter said...

PC World ? I'll never set foot in that fuckin place again !

moanin bastard said...

My Packard Bell computer is from PC World. When buying it I went through the same palaver as you CF so I decided not to bother with their warranty. Or take it near them for repair.
Loud noise from inside the computer tower a week later. I slid the cover off. WTF. The processor fan wasn't held down onto the processor. A plastic clip was obviously broken when they closed the cover as there were bits missing. No probs. Araldited the fan back on and 2 years later it's still wirring away nicely.
Staples are worse for warranties and bullshit. I said to the guy to sell me the printer now with no more crap or I walk out.
Similar with HBOS or LLoyds or whatever the fuck they're called. Try paying in money and escaping without some useless appointment for a financial check up or something. From a bank that lost £25Bn. GTF.

Fidothedog said...

Just so true. My local store always has a gang of staff standing around the exit area outside and nobody to be seen inside!

AndrewSouthLondon said...

Somewhere worse than buying from a PC World store? Try PC World Online! Six separate calls to their after-sales support line yeilded six contradictory responses. Their faulty removable hard drive required sending the entire system to Nottingham. And no - you didn't buy it in the store so you can't take it back to any of our stores. Zero support, zero service, zero consumer rights. Never never ever buy anything online from PC World. Every day I pray they crash and burn as they deserve.

bloke with nadgers said...

The only reason I ever shop in PC World, Curries, or Staples is because I don't have a credit card (or debit card), so I can't buy online - Amazon used to accept cheques but even they have stopped doing that now.

Last time I went into Staples (Truro Branch) they locked the doors, set the alarms off and insisted on searching me on the way out. Needless to say they didn't find anything and needless to say I will never shop there again because of it.

dazmando said...

Im told by computer bods that PC worlds PC are not even the lastest models and thats why there a bit cheaper. Its all one big con

AndrewSouthLondon said...

Used to be outdated yesterday technology being off-loaded, you are right, but they are now a distributor for Acer, who make fabulous cutting-edge specification desktops, Media PC's and laptops under the "Aspire" name and are effn brilliant.

But you "go bare" - Acer won't support you because you bought from PC World, and PC World wont support you because "the tech guys" are your worst nightmare organisation: a profit centre masquerading as technical support.

Lady Virginia Droit de Segneur said...

This is an entertaining load of crap basically.

Never come across 19 yr old Polih girls in PC World but the 13yr old (well maybe 15 yr old) Asian Arthur Daley wannabees are indeed ubiquitous.

The trick is though to be firm and grownup (like a teacher they understand that being still at school).

Once they start trying to sell you PC World's (and Currys will be the same since it's the same people) enhanced warranty or crap peripherals jut treat it like a kid claiming his dog ate the homework.

They're lying to you, you know it, they know you know it and once you call them on it they collapse.

Treat them like the mental 8 yr olds they are and you won't have a problem.

Oh and if you want them to give you the kit fast make sure you're boys under 10 are in attendance and playing around with the 5 grand TV sets.

Works a treat.

Anonymous said...

I have to say - back in March this year I bought an all-singing, all-dancing 64-bit addressing PC with mega-trillions of hard drive, all the bells and whistles, you didn't even have to ask it nicely for it to make you a cup of tea and peel you a grape. My 17-year-old grandson was, like, 'WOW Nana!!', so that PROVES it was cool! Just one problem - most of the things I take for granted on a PC (I work from home) do not work with 64-bit addressing. So I took it back after 3 weeks and they were happy to change it for a (cheaper!) 32-bit addressing PC. AND do all the faffing around because I was buying on 6 months' interest-free. But I agree with Lady Virginia - when they offer / try to force extended warranty / payment protection / Norton antivirus, I refuse politely once. Next time they try I look very angry and say 'I SAID NOOO' - it works with the kiddiewinks that are serving you, I can be quite scary!! One of the few advantages of being older....

The Young Oligarch said...

Bought an external hard drive from them once , but managed to avoid a saleschild .

Discovered e-buyer shortly afterwards and haven't darkened PC World's door again .

Don't Call Me Dave said...

I returned a printer to PC World which had broken down within the warranty period. They weren’t interested in helping me. They were only prepared to give me the phone number of the manufacturer so that I could call them to arrange for them to come and collect it. A swift word to the store manager reminding him of the provisions of the Sale of Goods Act, resulted in them agreeing to take the machine back and arranging the repair themselves.

It broke down again a month later. It wouldn’t surprise me if one of their staff pissed in it.

Sam Clark said...

Well said. Let's hope those profits continue to slide... Went in there recently trying to buy a hard drive for an emergency back up. I arrived and tumbleweed was blowing through the store - no-one to help whatsoever. 30 minutes later I finally ascertained that they had none in stock. Not one external hard drive in a huge superstore in Wandsworth.

Uncle Bob said...

I tend my computer gear from Overclockers uk. They've got a good online forum if you're after advice on bits and bobs too.

JuliaM said...

How fortuitous... ;)

Anonymous said...

Spot on. A dreadful place to be ignored and then pay over the odds for a old PC.

Thankfully some years ago in desperation I found a on-line shop that builds its own top notch computers at a third of the price. The phone is answered instantly by a 'techy' that knows his stuff and the after sales is good.

The days of PC World are now long behind me.

Ollie Cromwell said...

Superbly written very entertaining, also true in my experience.

thespecialone said...

Lady Virginia Droit de Segneur said...

Never come across 19 yr old Polish girls.

No neither have I in PC World or anywhere!! I bet it is fun though ;)

Im lucky. A mate of mine is a bit of a nerd. I ordered my last desktop directly from Dell. Now nearly 5 years old and works a treat.

cornyborny said...

Sorry CF, I sympathise, but... you went there.

I honestly thought that the axiom "don't buy anything from PC World cos they're crap" had been known by everyone in the entire world for donkey's years.

Maybe they'll start shaping up when that 15% picks up speed.

SaltedSlug said...

The place I've found worse than PC World was PC World Business, who I had occasion to approach on behalf of work as they appeared to be the only vendor for a particular bit of kit.

They got back to me 18 months later.

Also, WRT their 'technical support': my mum-in-law took a laptop in to find out if the RAM could be increased. Three(!) of them took half an hour out-back before announcing that yes, yes it could.

M-i-l took the laptop home to find out that it no longer functioned; i.e it didn't even get as far as BIOS screen, the power light came on and that was it. She took it back and the duty cretin said it sounded like a fault with the hard-drive(!), and then he blamed the fan(!!) and wouldn't budge on rectifying it without getting paid.

I rock up at her place and promptly strip the thing down to bare bones. I have the just the main board, a power supply and the screen left. It still wont start. I check the CPU socket. The chip duly falls out in my hand. The dozy cunts had unscrewed everything (including the CPU retention catch) in their cack handed attempt to disassemble the laptop to see the spare RAM socket (which was under the keyboard).

I went back to the PC world with M-I-L, found the dickheads in question and ostentatiously belmed in their stupid, slackjawed faces.

The mouthbreathing fuckpigs.

Steve said...

For anyone STILL intent on visiting PC Wankers, we were advised that my gf's Advent (a company in the same group as PCW, by the way - conflict of interest anyone?) was constructed with "recycled parts". How can you tell, we enquired. "They all are."

And if you have a year or two spare, try finding the Advent website. There IS an Advent computers in the US - but that ain't the PCW sister company.

Life's too short to do business with these arseholes...

Rob said...

"Just one problem - most of the things I take for granted on a PC (I work from home) do not work with 64-bit addressing."

Ahaha. Yes, I did the same thing. A few years ago I bought online and for some reason didn't notice that it came with Windows 2000 Professional, which is 64-bit (this was about a year before Vista came out). I soon realised that I couldn't even get virus checking software for it, none of the major vendors had written a 64-bit version yet. Hohum.

marksany said...

I went to get a Laptop in PC World but after waiting 45 minutes for a salesman, I went to Argos next door. I got a Samsung laptop in 10 minutes. An issue with Argos is that prices drop more often than they reprint the catalogue, however they cover this by upgrading the stock. The laptop I got was quite a bit higher spec than the one in the catalog, I was very happy.

PC World's prices are OK for systems and printers but are double for hard drives, ink carts etc. I found out they will price match thigh. I once had urgent need for ink carts and was resigned to paying PCW's high price, but after a moan about their price they offered to match Amazon, using Internet explored on the till.

Ken said...

Needed to buy and external CD writer and in a hurry PC World is (sadly) the only place to go.

Yep, went to the counter and watched and waited for over 10 minutes as the guy dealt with a refund.

When he had finished he pointed me to a check out desk hidden behind the security island.

Oh, and the other two staff fiddling with a PC behind said counter said they couldn't help, nor did they point me in the right direction, nor of course did the security man.

At least the price was fair.

Sam Duncan said...

PC World is Dixons. That's all anyone needs to know.

Like Uncle Bob here, I've been “into computers“ since the early '80s, and Dixons has always been a byword for poor service and outright chicanery. I remember Pop Comp Weekly running a story about their saleskids recommending Amstrads “because Commodore had gone bust” in 1985/86.

Wouldn't touch 'em with a ten-foot pole.

G Rice said...

@ CF:
Your rant would have worked for me even without all the f***s. But I guess I'm not going with the times there ...

@ Uncle Bob:
Considering that PC World is British and Avira is German - has history turned the tables on us? ;-)

Stu said...

Can I be that guy and point out that next time you should just take yourself to an Apple Store and save yourself all the horror?

Or would that start a war...

tolkein said...

Or you could just get a Mac.

Sam Duncan said...

Apple. Sheesh. If there's one company worse than DSG and Microsoft...

Malcolm Stevas said...

Many of these comments ring a bell, but it's the luck of the draw, in part. I have an old laptop (Toshiba, rock solid) that I bought from PCW mainly because I had it demo'd by an extremely solicitous, knowledgable young woman at the Bristol Cribb's Causeway branch. OTOH I needed a CF card in a hurry, and a Surrey branch of PCW had exactly ONE in stock, extraordinarily crappy performance, compounded by an idiotic insistence from two "sales consultants" that cameras didn't use CF cards any more so PCW didn't need to stock them...
Mainly, anyone should bear in mind that PCW is part of the same group as Dixons, so you know what to expect if you walk through the doors...

Thats News said...

Well said! And don't forget the loud music throughout the store, so loud that even the salesman became irritated with it.

Eventually I went to Tesco.

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Wat said...

I also went to Tesco - after trekking all the way to PC World Reading and discovering that they had no laptops on display or in stock that cost under £500. Currys next door ditto. Clowns.

Oh, and trying to snaffle my personal data at the till for their marketing database isn't appreciated either (they tell you they need it to process the transaction - utter bullshit. Currys weren't impressed when I paid cash and told them to piss off).

Stephen Mount said...

PC World decided to tell me that a laptop I bought for my sister would not have any firewall if I didn't buy Norton or whatever shite they sell on the machine. I said to him I have a hardware firewall and he claimed that it didn't actually help with firewalling. I tried to explain NAT to him - that was getting cheeky and I was essentially talking down on him - but then he decided to claim that even a router with NAT doesn't "filter inbound connections". So, I appeared to have a right to tell him what the deal was.

I was giggling to myself and the excellent firewall adviser that I appeared to have been served by couldn't deal with me any more. My friend who was with me at the time had worked in PC retail for years said to the colleague he passed us on to "ah, always a double sell here" and he claimed it wasn't a double sell!

Constantly Furious said...

If you Google the phrase "where in the world pc world", you get the following:

1. PC World UK website
2. PC World website for Laptops
3. Wikipedia entry for PC World
4. PC World's US website
5. This blog post, with all of the comments above.

Hahahaahha! Most pleasing. Just not for them.

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