CF no longer believes that his home is his castle - far too many new rules and regulations to allow that - but he used to believe that at least his body was his own, to do with as he pleased.
But no. As with everything else, we are not to be trusted. We need to be advised, directed, controlled.
Today we learn that even our internal organs are no longer 'our' internal organs. That's right: the news is, the Government is appointing a 'Liver Tsar'.
What the fuck? A 'Liver Tsar'?
Yup. Apparently we must be told how to look after our livers. Left to our own devices, we drink too much, eat fatty food and doubtless do other terribly naughty things to our poor innards.
This must stop.
Professor Roger Williams says urgent action is needed. He told Sky News:
"It's the three As: advertising, affordability and access"
Oh for fuck's sake. The'three As'? You can just see the Powerpoint presentation, can't you? Hear the whirr of the overhead projector. Smell the cold, nasty coffee. See the greasy-haired, bespectacled heads nodding in unison at this wisdom.
Sensing imminent funding, the Prof' goes on:
"The more people drink the more people around them drink and so it goes on and you have to tackle those three areas if you are going to reduce alcohol consumption in this country."
And by 'tackle', you patronising bastard, you mean control. Tame. Legislate against. All for our benefit, supposedly.
As always, the Righteous have lined up a convert to their cause, a former victim who was 'saved', and now is desperate to evangelise.
Jeanette Shiret hit the bottle after losing her job. She drank a litre-and-a-half of vodka a day. Even though she is now teetotal, her liver is so badly damaged that she would die if turned to booze again.
"The pressures, the everyday stress and strain of life, you end up drinking as a way to hide from your problems"
Well, sorry to hear that, Jeanette. But that was your choice, love.
And do you really think - does anyone really think - that if the Prof' had his way, and booze was taxed to oblivion, and vodka was twice the price, you'd have picked yourself up, dusted yourself down and found another job?
Nah: you'd still have a fucked-up liver, but you'd be a lot poorer too, to compound your misery.
As you say, Jeanette, you started drinking because you lost your job. Not because you were hugely impressed by that oh-clever-and-sexy vodka advert on the telly. So how would the Prof's first 'A' have helped you? Well of course: it wouldn't have.
Listen, Nanny. We don't care how much you think we should be allowed to drink. We don't want you to tell us how to live our lives.
Just fuck off. Fuck right off.
++ update ++ : someone claiming to be Jeanette Shiret has appeared in the comments, and is taking on all comers. Have a look, make up your own mind.