Apparently, there is a complete lack of grit anywhere in the Cabinet, or indeed anywhere in the entire Labour party.
In spite of the urgent need to get rid of the grey, damp, miserable blanket that has been annoying the country for some time, no grit can be found.
Geoff Hoon and Patsy Hewitt, who had planned to finally clear the blockages that have been preventing industry from working properly, costing businesses millions and making most people thoroughly miserable, were very disappointed.
"We were told by several people that they had an ample supply of grit, and that they were very happy to help us get rid of the horrible mess . But when we actually asked them to start, they all announced that they not only had no grit, but no cojones either, and that they'd prefer to stay in bed"
Pasty Hewitt added:
"Britain has been a laughing stock for some time now - every other country manages to clear this kind of problem within a very short time, yet we've been suffering for months"
Forecasters claim the misery will probably continue until the summer of this year.