Constantly Furious

Yet again, the Labour party takes careful aim, closes its collective eyes, squeezes the trigger and shoots itself in the foot.

In spite of all the lies and boasts to the contrary, Labour do - secretly, shhh!!, never mention it - suspect that the NHS may not actually be a shining example of organisation and efficiency, a hybrid of Florence Nightingale and Robocop. No.

Deep in their tiny grinch hearts, Labour know that the NHS has grown into a vast, sprawling shambles. The millions poured into it are wasted, as people continue to die in corridors, soaked with their own piss.

So, time to get some experts in, eh? The Governments favourite 2-grand-a-day-for-a-graduate consultancy, McKinseys, has been called in to 'review the ongoing situation'. A bit of 'blue sky thinking', yah? Let's brainstorm a few ideas, and pull together a Powerpoint deck, ok?

To nobody's great surprise, these besuited leeches have concluded that, er, the NHS is a colossally wasteful and inefficient mess, pissing money (our fucking money) up the wall like a drunken management consultant at Spearmint Rhino. Cuts, huge cuts, must be made in all areas. Massive efficiency savings can be made.

And, as is the way with these things, these entirely predictable views have been leaked. Already the BBC is shrieking its wild over-simplifications: "one in ten NHS jobs could go".

All this might have been fine and dandy. Gordon could have put on his serious face and told us all, yes, we have to look at cuts in all areas, efficiency savings must be made, nothing is sacred, it started in America, you know. And we may have (partly, grudgingly) agreed.

But no, Gordon, you can't do that, can you?

Because, while you were cleaning toilets in Auchtermuchty, avoiding everybody, your vile spin doctors and mindless internet spam bots spent hours, days, weeks pushing that fucking ludicrous #weLovetheNHS nonsense.

A blatant piece of political opportunism; a chance to smear the Tories (even that didn't work) and a cynical attempt to sow the seeds in the public's tiny minds that the NHS was loved only by Labour, and safe only with Labour.

And now, just a few days later, you have evidence that the NHS desperately needs a lot more than some light trimming, but you and your spin doctors have painted yourself into a corner. Damned if you ignore the report, damned if you implement the cuts.

Yet another lose-lose situation; yet another dichotomy in your fevered mind. To which you will doubtless respond by - yet again - going into hiding. More radio silence, more MaCavity, until someone does something on the X-fucking-factor that you can comment on.

And meanwhile, as you tremble under the bed, the report will be quietly shelved, filed away, and the NHS will keep pumping taxpayers' cash down the shitter.

What is it, Gordon? Did an evil fairy attend your christening? Did you break fifty mirrors in one morning? Did you try to swindle a vengeful goblin?

Why does everything you touch turn to shit?



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