The Irish get all the luck. They get a Government, and a Finance Minister, who actually admit that they're in a deep recession, and that drastic action must be taken.

And what do we get? We get Alistair 'Eyebrows' Darling standing there pretending that nothing's wrong after all. "A position of strength". For fuck's sake.

The Irish get a budget, yesterday, openly described as "medicine" for the terrible state they're in.

We get a budget designed solely to make Labour look good, and the Tories look bad. To create political dividing lines, rather than balance the bloody books.

The Irish have cut back on welfare payments - less for 'jobseekers' and less on benefits overall. Share the pain.

We won't. We'll continue to pour vast amounts of cash all over "the welfare", Labour's core vote.We've even increased a couple of welfare payments, as a little pre-election bribe.

And to fund that, we get a second increase in National Insurance, and a sneaky fiddle with tax bands, so that those that do work pay yet more tax on their income. 52% and rising, folks.

The Irish get public sector paycuts across the board. Even the Taoiseach gets a 20% pay cut.

We get Gordon Brown and his fucking useless cronies still taking the same (totally undeserved) salaries and expenses, and the masses get cheaper bingo, so that we might not notice.

The Irish get an emergency budget that reflects the gravity of the situation, and makes deep, painful cuts to remedy it.

We get a Mickey Mouse, class envy, grandstanding, will-never-be-collected, "spank the banks" bonus tax.

Those lucky, lucky Irish.

_

Yet again, the Labour party takes careful aim, closes its collective eyes, squeezes the trigger and shoots itself in the foot.

In spite of all the lies and boasts to the contrary, Labour do - secretly, shhh!!, never mention it - suspect that the NHS may not actually be a shining example of organisation and efficiency, a hybrid of Florence Nightingale and Robocop. No.

Deep in their tiny grinch hearts, Labour know that the NHS has grown into a vast, sprawling shambles. The millions poured into it are wasted, as people continue to die in corridors, soaked with their own piss.

So, time to get some experts in, eh? The Governments favourite 2-grand-a-day-for-a-graduate consultancy, McKinseys, has been called in to 'review the ongoing situation'. A bit of 'blue sky thinking', yah? Let's brainstorm a few ideas, and pull together a Powerpoint deck, ok?

To nobody's great surprise, these besuited leeches have concluded that, er, the NHS is a colossally wasteful and inefficient mess, pissing money (our fucking money) up the wall like a drunken management consultant at Spearmint Rhino. Cuts, huge cuts, must be made in all areas. Massive efficiency savings can be made.

And, as is the way with these things, these entirely predictable views have been leaked. Already the BBC is shrieking its wild over-simplifications: "one in ten NHS jobs could go".

All this might have been fine and dandy. Gordon could have put on his serious face and told us all, yes, we have to look at cuts in all areas, efficiency savings must be made, nothing is sacred, it started in America, you know. And we may have (partly, grudgingly) agreed.

But no, Gordon, you can't do that, can you?

Because, while you were cleaning toilets in Auchtermuchty, avoiding everybody, your vile spin doctors and mindless internet spam bots spent hours, days, weeks pushing that fucking ludicrous #weLovetheNHS nonsense.

A blatant piece of political opportunism; a chance to smear the Tories (even that didn't work) and a cynical attempt to sow the seeds in the public's tiny minds that the NHS was loved only by Labour, and safe only with Labour.

And now, just a few days later, you have evidence that the NHS desperately needs a lot more than some light trimming, but you and your spin doctors have painted yourself into a corner. Damned if you ignore the report, damned if you implement the cuts.

Yet another lose-lose situation; yet another dichotomy in your fevered mind. To which you will doubtless respond by - yet again - going into hiding. More radio silence, more MaCavity, until someone does something on the X-fucking-factor that you can comment on.

And meanwhile, as you tremble under the bed, the report will be quietly shelved, filed away, and the NHS will keep pumping taxpayers' cash down the shitter.

What is it, Gordon? Did an evil fairy attend your christening? Did you break fifty mirrors in one morning? Did you try to swindle a vengeful goblin?

Why does everything you touch turn to shit?



.

Somebody in the bowels of the Labour spin machine ("adverts to irritate you, paid for by you") has noticed that a huge number of people have signed the "Oh, do fuck off Gordon" petition. Over 52,000 in fact. That's quite a groundswell of popular opinion, eh? Pretty hard for the target to ignore. (but clearly not impossible, because he bloody well is ignoring it)

So, the spinner thought, imagine if we could have a similar petition to damage that nasty Dave.

And here it is.

The page, for those that really can't be arsed to visit it (good, keep the hits down) claims

"David Cameron has refused to commit to maintaining child benefit and winter fuel allowances at the same level as the Labour Government"

The evil bastard. So that's his secret plan. How could he? Something must be done. The site bleats on

He talks of an “age of austerity” but he must answer the question “austerity for who?” Sign our petition now to help request an answer…

And that's it. Sign our petition to make the Leader of the Opposition answer a rhetorical question. What the fuck?

Pathetic. No really. Pathetic.



UPDATE: as a commenter points out "Austerity for who?" is not even a grammatically correct sentence. For fuck's sake.