According to The Sun, this set of written instructions was found in a taxi, recently vacated by Gordon Brown:
1. Transparent Brush. Foam all over.
2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in.
3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid.
4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over.
Yup, they're instructions for Gordon on how to put on his make-up. Sweet Jesus. We're going to hell in a handcart; the country's going bust; half the Cabinet are going to jail and he's putting on the slap.
CF has a shorter, simpler set of instructions for Gordon
2. Fuck off
Gordon Brown - you couldn't make him up. And nor could he.