Summoning up the courage to chicken out?

Anybody seen Gordon?

CallMeDave leapt into the limelight yesterday, with some typically opportunistic but surprisingly well-received remarks around the reformation of government.

Normally one would expect that his suggested ideas would have been immediately derided by our beloved PM as "totally unworkable" or re-announced as "long-standing Labour policy". Or fucking both, with this government of mendacity.

But no, not a peep.

Where's the fuck is Gordon? He was famous, when in Bliar's shadow, for disappearing at the first hint of trouble, but this is his fucking job now, for god's sake. He said he'd be "working hard", to dig us out of the gigantic heap of economic and social shit he dropped us into.

The expenses saga rumbles tediously on (and on and fucking on), public anger continues to simmer, and the silence on everything is fucking deafening.

Is he travelling the land, meeting the public, hearing their anger? Is he learning from the people what they really think, and what they'd really like him to do? Is he fuck.

Is he instead working hard in Westminster, burning the midnight oil, purging his cabinet of wrong-doers and troughers, interviewing each individually then summarily dismissing those who can't defend their actions? Is he bollocks.

Is he, on the other hand, winding down before a huge effort to finally save the world, perhaps enjoying a holiday in Italy, at one of the sumptuous mansions of Signor Berlusconi? Unlikely.

Caroline Flint thrusts her spear into the ground and announces that she's supporting Hazel Blears, and doesn't agree that the Chipmunk should be sacked ("Hazel hasn’t done anything wrong") and .. and ... nothing.

A statement like that would normally be followed by Ms Flint slumping to the floor stunned, with a Nokia-shaped dent in the back of her head, but this time she's gone completely unpunished. Gordon thinks Blears' behaviour was "totally unacceptable", Flint thinks she "hasn't done anything wrong" and the nations least-favourite control freak literally turns a blind eye.

Adam Boulton rewarms the long-running story that Gordon could be forced to step down 'for health reasons' after the European elections:


"The theory is that the election results will be so poor for the government, that the Prime Minister will find an excuse - health? - to duck out and avoid further humiliation. "

"Mr Brown has backed out before, it's pointed out, refusing to challenge Tony Blair for the leadership, and ensuring there was no election when his chance finally came in 2007, so why not avoid the approaching unpleasantness of an approaching crushing election defeat?"


Well, none us would be surprised if the bottler bottled again.

So, that's the explanation: Gordon Brown is hiding away, summoning up the courage to chicken out.



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20 comments:

CryBaby said...

If that is true, then good. It's a shame that he can't get a good kick in at the elections, but I'd rather he call an election and stand down for "health" reasons.

Thats News said...

Yes. Where IS Gordon?

Incidentally, where's Gordon?

talwin said...

CF.

I fear your memory is letting you down so that you have not spotted a possible explanation for Brown's absence.

You need to go back to December, 2008 to read the BBC News, "Harman hails her 'Superman' Brown", after Brown had announce that he was saving the world. In an intelligent, incisive and very grown up way she told us she "Would rather have Superman as our leader than their leader who is 'The Joker'"

Now, you will recall, that the DC comics superhero, Superman, with whom Harman compares Brown, is constantly pissing off unannounced, usually when there's trouble about and no-one's looking, in order to save the world.

Just like Brown, see? Obvious, really.

Fausty said...

He's plotting behind the scenes no doubt. A few thoughts:

1) How can Labour fight an election when the Labour party is nearly £20 million in the red and is losing donors?

2) With a sizeable proportion of his cabinet facing possible criminal investigations, the last thing he wants is for investigations to occur when Cameron's in power.

3) Brown and his band of intellectual pygmies will have done things in office that are legally iffy. Very likely, there is a paper trail and a whispering trail that might be uncovered by an incoming government.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop - some Brown-designed panic - which has the freak announcing a state of emergency. He is shameless enough to attempt to call off an election; after all, it would cause "chaos".

Henry Crun said...

Fausty,

If North Korea make good on their promise and drop a nasty on South Korea, then Gordon's prayers will have been answered.

Wonder if Gordon and Kim Jung Mentally Il have the same Psychotherapist?

Fausty said...

Henry, should that happen, I hope Cameron and Clegg have the balls to lock him up in the Tower, along with his den of thieves.

Anonymous said...

On BBC News tonight there was footage of a strange man picking up a toddler at a creche. He wasn't the father, or related.

I was surprised the PC Police didn't make an arrest of a 'paedophile'.

Sarah Brown was behind the miscreant, (it may have been her husband)

Joe Public said...

Henry @ 12.29

I though Dolly had retired

suigmypiel said...

I do miss not having Snotty McTwat in the news. Every photo taken is good for a laugh/cry. He must have some kind of magical powers which turns him into a clown/freak the instant a camera shutter opens.

Anonymous said...

with the liebour party £20,000,000 in the red brown will probarbly tell us he is introducing public funded elections,. so he can trough off the debt and square the books. he is blind in more ways than one if he thinks he will con us ever again the man is pondlife ! and yet the benefit class will suport them what ever they do . sit on your arse all day yes we'll pay for that knock out more kids yes we'll pay for that free rent and council tax yes we'll pay for that and on and on so you see this scum wont totally dissapear from the surface of the pond !

Trough Mixture said...

I don't believe what you're saying to me
This is something I gotta see.
Is he here?
Look in the poolhall.
Is he here?
Look in the drugstore.
Is he here?
No, he don't come here no more....

I think....
Gord B's in schtuck!

Thatsnews said...

I couldn't have put it better myself! So I didn't. I just created a link to your post.

Grytpype-thynne said...

It's a good theory but has a flaw: Brown devoted his entire life to becoming PM and will not give it up voluntarily, even though he is the worst PM in our history,He believes he is cleverer than anyone else and that the voter is stupid and can be constantly fooled.
Count Jim Moriarty and myself are honest citizens who would reform MPs' expenses rules.

Anonymous said...

Ever seen the film "Absolute Power" ,about the US president (Gene Hackman) who kills a hooker (Nadine Dorries?),watched by a burglar (Clint Eastwood).

Well,Gordon Brown is right now trying to work out how to extract a Nokia phone from Ed Ball's arsehole without him having to go to the local hospital to have treatment.

He is using his only remaining Nokia to get advice from Mandy on how to extract the aforesaid object from Ball's arse (not a pretty picture,eh?).

And the title of this new "Downing Street Productions" epic?

"U Tube If You Want To,I Prefer A Nokia Up Mine"

JuliaM said...

Outstanding post!

Major Plonquer said...

Furious, I love your blog. Spot on, matey.

But you've missed a trick her. Gordon Brown has not 'gone missing' but has been secretly training at Old Trafford where he's about to sign to replace Carlos Tevez. "I'll play in a lounge suit", says Brown.

Moreover, Speaker Michael Martin will take the Number 1 jersey at Celtic next year replacing Artur Boruc.

Don't believe me? Read:http://plonquer.blogspot.com/

Ruth said...

There was a very good reason why he got the nickname Bottler.

'They seek him here, they seek him there
The voters seek him everywhere
Is he at Chequers or is he in town
That damned deluded Bottler Brown'.

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