Anybody seen Gordon?
CallMeDave leapt into the limelight yesterday, with some typically opportunistic but surprisingly well-received remarks around the reformation of government.
Normally one would expect that his suggested ideas would have been immediately derided by our beloved PM as "totally unworkable" or re-announced as "long-standing Labour policy". Or fucking both, with this government of mendacity.
But no, not a peep.
Where's the fuck is Gordon? He was famous, when in Bliar's shadow, for disappearing at the first hint of trouble, but this is his fucking job now, for god's sake. He said he'd be "working hard", to dig us out of the gigantic heap of economic and social shit he dropped us into.
The expenses saga rumbles tediously on (and on and fucking on), public anger continues to simmer, and the silence on everything is fucking deafening.
Is he travelling the land, meeting the public, hearing their anger? Is he learning from the people what they really think, and what they'd really like him to do? Is he fuck.
Is he instead working hard in Westminster, burning the midnight oil, purging his cabinet of wrong-doers and troughers, interviewing each individually then summarily dismissing those who can't defend their actions? Is he bollocks.
Is he, on the other hand, winding down before a huge effort to finally save the world, perhaps enjoying a holiday in Italy, at one of the sumptuous mansions of Signor Berlusconi? Unlikely.
Caroline Flint thrusts her spear into the ground and announces that she's supporting Hazel Blears, and doesn't agree that the Chipmunk should be sacked ("Hazel hasn’t done anything wrong") and .. and ... nothing.
A statement like that would normally be followed by Ms Flint slumping to the floor stunned, with a Nokia-shaped dent in the back of her head, but this time she's gone completely unpunished. Gordon thinks Blears' behaviour was "totally unacceptable", Flint thinks she "hasn't done anything wrong" and the nations least-favourite control freak literally turns a blind eye.
Adam Boulton rewarms the long-running story that Gordon could be forced to step down 'for health reasons' after the European elections:
"The theory is that the election results will be so poor for the government, that the Prime Minister will find an excuse - health? - to duck out and avoid further humiliation. "
"Mr Brown has backed out before, it's pointed out, refusing to challenge Tony Blair for the leadership, and ensuring there was no election when his chance finally came in 2007, so why not avoid the approaching unpleasantness of an approaching crushing election defeat?"
Well, none us would be surprised if the bottler bottled again.
So, that's the explanation: Gordon Brown is hiding away, summoning up the courage to chicken out.