Dramatic developments tonight. Gordon Brown has described cabinet minister Hazel Blears' expenses claim as "totally unacceptable behaviour".
And? And? She's fired? She's got to "step down"? The ol' bill are on their way? She's been placed on - say it ain't so - suicide watch?
No, no, nothing as vulgar as any of that. Just the lash of those caustic words from the Prime Minister.
Well, that's sorted her out. She's probably lying in one of her beds, trembling; her nuts clicking together as she shivers, even as we speak.
For fucks sake. So that's her punishment is it? To have a man despised by the majority of the nation say something a bit rude about her? To be condemned by the condemned? Yup. Seems so.
Apparently, its all tickety-fucking-boo, because, wait for it:
"..she has not broken the law, she has not broken the rules of the House of Commons.."
Oh, right. Gordon, unaware that he has lost his audience, witters on:
"It is unacceptable behaviour and she has accepted it as unacceptable behaviour .. It was totally unacceptable behaviour. I do not support it .. It is inappropriate for people to do it but it is not, as you will know by looking at in detail, against the law or against the rules of the House at the moment. That's why we are discussing the changes we are doing"
So strong, so firm, so decisive. Couldn't you just melt into his arms, ladies?
Well, its all very fucking clear now. Tomorrow, CF intends to dash into John Lewis, grab a 40" LCD Television, and dash out again.
If apprehended, CF will gladly admit that his behaviour was "totally unacceptable", give the television back to the panting security guards, and go on his way.
Isn't it fucking great now that everything's so very clear?
UPDATE: rumour has it that she's currently heading to her constituency, even though she's due in the House this afternoon. Could it be that she's decided to do what Gordon didn't have the guts to?