Noticing that his paymasters' pathetic attempt to scupper Osborne's speech by leaking their own new policies - you know, the ones they forgot to mention at their own conference - had failed, Allie leapt into action.
"Call me a saddo, but I was determined to watch George Osborne's speech live"
You are a fucking saddo, Campbell, amongst many other things, but you are also paid handsomely, no doubt, to churn out this crap, so its also part of your job, isn't it?
So, off Campbell trotted, to that nest of lefties and fellow Labour apologists, the BBC. A televison was procured for Sir Al, and he began to watch. But ..
"... as the speech went on, I grew increasingly distracted by what was happening around me. Or at least, by something that wasn't happening around me. Nobody else was watching"
Perhaps they had other, real, jobs to do, Al? Not everybody at the BBC is employed to actually watch Telly all day, you know. The few who are, the actual political correspondents and the like, will have been told what they think by your mate The My Lord High Mandelson, within 5 minutes of the end of the speech anyway. No wonder no-one was bothering.
But, for Campbell, this was an tasty opportunity to play the man and not the ball.
"I was rather cheered by it. First, it confirmed the dearth of charisma at the top of the Tory Party"
Fucking hell, it takes some cojones to come out with shit like that with a straight face. If you had an Illustrated Dictionary of Phrases, and you looked up 'Dearth of Charisma', guess whose one-eyed, wonky-grinned, unelected fucking Scottish face would be gurning up at you from the page?
Unwilling, or unable, to spot this enormous fucking irony, Campbell slithers on:
"Second, it confirmed me in the view that the support expressed for the Tories in polls is an expression less of interest and enthusiasm for them than in general disgruntlement about life or Labour"
Masterful political analysis. So, Allie, your lot are going to get thumped in the next General Election, because we hate you, we detest everything you've done, and we think you're incompetent fuckwits. But that's ok, as long as we don't actually like or respect the Tories, is it? Good.
Moving on, moving on. Got anything positive to say about Labour policy in this area, Al? Or do you just want to make another negative character attack?
"As for the speech, well a great orator he ain't. He also has a very annoying habit of saying 'wanna', which is either slovenly or a lame attempt to get down with the yoof. Either way, he should desist"
Right. The character attack. Oh, Allie, don't forget the toff angle - you've not dragged that in yet.
"Cutting MPs? Easy hit. Cutting their salaries? Easy hit, and another step towards the kind of politics for toffs only that he, Dave and Boris want"
There it is. With the tedious inevitablity of every Labour statement over the last 5 years, we get the reminder that Osborne went to Oxbridge. Like Tony Blair. And The Lord High Mandelson. And Polly fucking Toynbee. And you, Alastair.
And finally? Campbell wraps up with a piece of denial so breathtaking, so utterly desperate, that you can almost hear the distant sound of Labour ministers clearing their desks and heading to the Job Centre.
"Claim to have earned the trust of the people on the economy? Says who George? Don't believe everything you read in the polls"
What? What the fuck? "Don't believe everything you read in the polls"? So people, real people, are polled on their opinions, one of which is that there is nobody in the fucking world who could do a worse job with the British economy than Gordon McBroon, and we're to ignore that are we?
If that's the best that Alastair Campbell, the Overlord of Deceit, the Inventor of Spin, the fucking Master of Mendacity can manage, Georgie and CallMeDave are probably rubbing their hands with glee.