As usual with this PR-hungry, news-manipulating, glory-seeking fucking government, we didn't have to wait for the speech to get reports on what McBroon actually said. No, we got the full pre-spin, the Labour party's announcement of how great the speech was going to be. Naturally, the BBC had been fed endless quotes from the not-yet-made-speech and was broaqdcasting them at 6 a.m., before Brown had even clapped eye on it.
And magnificent, stirring stuff it was. Putting his hand to his forehead, throwing his head back and gazing keenly into the distance, Brown announced in sonorous tones that "We only have fifty days to save the world". Dunt-dunt-dahhh!!!
And of course, Gordon would know: he's always having to save the world. Full-time job, virtually. Save the world from this, save the world from that, and all the while grinning like a lunatic. No wonder his wife takes over the Labour party conference to remind us what an utter hero he is.
But hang on a minute. Why the fuck is Brown doing all this? Don't we already pay a Minister - and a whole fucking department - to worry about the climate? Isn't that little Ed Milliband's job? Wasn't he the author of this patronising and badly received bollocks, urging us all to join in with the pathetic Eds Pledge?
What the flying fuck does Gordon Brown know about climate change? Other than, of course, that its been a fantastic way for him to raise taxes on motorists for the last few years. Filling the coffers by tripling the cost of tax discs, then claiming it's all for the polar bears.
So, Broon, isn't this just yet another cynical attempt at jumping onto a bandwagon?
Your government's on its last legs, no-one wants you to be Prime Minister a minute longer, millions are out of work, soldiers are dying in Afghanistan because you won't give them any equipment and what have you decided to do?
You've decided to muscle in on wee Ed Milliband's job, do a bit of showboating on the world stage, get your gurning grey visage on the telly and in the papers. Well, it won't fucking work.
You won't save your sorry arse pretending to be Green, Brown.