Can I have a drink, Nanny?


The Observer tells this sorry tale of Nanny State and her equally stupid sister, Nanny Corporation, and their latest misguided idiocy:

Management consultant Jackie Slater thought she was completing a normal shopping trip to Morrisons until the checkout assistant demanded to see her ID before scanning two bottles of wine.

"I told her I was really flattered, but I was the wrong side of 50," she said. But the assistant pointed to her 17-year-old daughter, Emily, and her 18-year-old niece, Annice, who were standing at the end of the checkout chatting.

"She asked: 'Are they with you?' I said they'd come to help me carry the bags back to the car. The assistant said: 'You could be buying the wine for them. It's the policy – I have to see everyone's ID to make sure they are all over 18'."

In vain, Mrs Slater insisted that the wine was for herself and her husband, Peter. But the assistant and then the store manager refused to budge.

Nor was their decision deemed an over-enthusiastic interpretation of company rules. Morrisons' head office last week backed the store.

"Head Office last week backed the store"? What the fuck? Now, this is the sort of mindless corporate stupidity that really boils CF's piss. How dare you, till girl? How dare you, you spotty trainee store manager? How dare you, purveyors-of-battery-hens-to-the-masses Morrisons?

How fucking dare you unilaterally decide what a grown woman - a customer - might or might not do with the stuff you sell them, and refuse them on that basis?

Obviously, you had at the back of your tiny, greasy, hair-netted minds the fact (and it is a fact) that the legal age for the purchase of alcohol from an off-licence, store or supermarket is 18.

But Emily, 17, wasn't actually trying to buy it, was she? She was, apparently, 'standing at the end of the check out'. Not offering a wad of notes and a loyalty card to the gurning imbecile behind the till, who fancied being sheriff for a while. What would you have done, you fuckwitted Morrisons jobsworths, if she'd been just a bit further away? Where do you draw your arbitrary authoritarian line?

  "This wine is not for the person I can see sitting in that car over there in the car park, is it?"

  "You're not buying this wine for the child I remember seeing in here with you last week, are you?"

  "Married, Madam? Any kids? What sort of age would they be then?"

But no, you decided what was going on all alone, didn't you? Had to see "everyone's ID", didn't you, Morrisons till girl? What exactly did that mean, in your small, addled X-factor-and-Heat-magazine-filled brain?  Everyone in 'your' checkout line? Everyone in 'your' shop? Everyone, perhaps, in the fucking country? Imagine the power, the responsibility.

It is, of course, possible that having bought the wine Mrs Slater may have taken it home and shared with it any number of people. Including Emily, her daughter. But get this, Morrisons, as you would all know if you had more brains than God gave the most retarded goose, that would have been perfectly fucking legal.

Even if Emily had been 10 years old, instead of 17, she would be legally allowed to consume alcohol at home. That is also the law. The law you deluded yourselves you were bravely upholding.

So, rather than saying the wine was for herself, Mrs Slater could legitimately have said. "No, the wine is for my daughter. She is going to drive me home, then consume the entire bottle herself." And you would still have had no fucking grounds for withholding it. It's nothing to do with you, see? You're a bloody shop, not the moral fucking maze.

Dear God, the fuckwittery.

Coincidentally, CF's eldest daughter is 17 years old, and he's taking her for a driving lesson later this afternoon. Perhaps on the way back, we'll stop in at the Morrisons in Cambourne, and get a bottle of wine for tonight. She prefers white.

_

23 comments:

Mac the Knife said...

It's no good spraying vitriol over the poor little checkout girl CF. They're all at it.

Tesco, Sainsbury's, Morrisons - all falling over themselves, and eachother, to demonstrate how terribly responsible they are.

You see, they believe that if they don't, then the nasty Shenker Monster at Alcohol Concern will persuade the All-Singing-All-Dancing-Arse-Clown-Variety-Show® (aka The House of Commons), to do something awful to them.

And as we all know, bansturbators always stop when somebody compromises with them. Don't they.

Quiet_Man said...

Jeez, the list of who goes up against the wall come the revolution just keeps on getting longer. I always thought lawyers would be first, but there are some out there giving them a hell of a run for their money.

subrosa said...

If that had been me I'd have walked away and just left the lot. Mind you I'd have taken my time and told the rest of the queue what and why I was behaving in the way I was. It's only fair everyone knows what's going on isn't it.

As Mac says they're all at it though.

Right I'm off up to Tesco to irritate the manager.

doctor baloney said...

The appropriate response is to pull pull a bag of white powder, hand to the the child saying "I guess we'll just have to do with smack tonight sweetheart".

Snowolf said...

Yep, Mac's right. It's also Asda telling a woman her 15 year old son can't carry a bag for her as it contains alcohol. It is the girl at the cheese counter refusing to serve the pregnant woman some unpastuerised cheddar. It is the assistant manager of the pub asking the party to leave the premises as the pregnant woman has taken a sip of someone's wine. It is the French post-grad student in Canterbury being refused service even after producing the mandatory ID card provided by her national government because it isn't a British passport, driving licence, proof of age card or any other fucking thing.

They'd even prefer to engage in wilfull and illegal racism than allow even the slightest deviation from the cookie cutter rules set out by the powers that be.

You can't be too careful, a shop round the corner has a sign in it's window proclaiming 'We keep Canterbury safe, we will not sell anyone under the age of 16 eggs and flour.'

What the fuck?

Still it is keeping us safe from, errrm, cakes and yorkshire puddings.

But it all seems to reasonable, doesn't it? Right up until the point where you find yourselves sitting in a Panzer going past a sign that reads 'Krakow: 15km'

Longrider said...

The problem isn't the person on the checkout. They aren't allowed to use judgement in these situations. If this was a secret shopper checking up and the checkout girl didn't "ask for ID" then she could lose her job. That's how insidious it has become.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I work for Morrisons and they are bastards.

And for those of you that shop at Tesco, everytime you use their clubcard you are giving them an insight to your life. Which is sold on to all and sundry.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi "Snowolf" .. I think you'll find that the ban on selling Eggs & Flour is "seasonal" one, as we're rapidly approaching the imported fiasco of "Trick or Treat" or as I prefer to call it .. "Unwarranted demands with menaces" .. and "Threats to cause Criminal Damage" ..So, in this case I support the shop(s) involved ..

As for the Supermarket scenario .. the answer is to load two large trolleys with anything you like .. unload it all on to the conveyor belt & then say .. "Oh, I've changed my mind" .. and just walk away .. It's not Theft (as you haven't left the premises without paying) .. but it will irritate them big time ..

What really grips my shit are the barely out of school, or potentially working on the Co-Op bacon counter by next week types in Pharmacies .. Y

You know, the ones who proudly wear a badge with "Health Care Assistant" (WTF is one of those anyway ?) on it .. demanding your entire Medical history and questioning your usage of products containing Paracetemol or Codeine ..

If I wish to buy sufficient of these drugs to end my life (which I don't) .. Suicide is no longer a crime .. What bloody business is it of theirs ??

Anonymous said...

OUR sOCIETY IS IN THE GRIP OF ABSOLUTE FUCKWITTERYT, THIS IS BUT ONE EXAMPLE OF STUPIFYING STUPIDY WHICH NOW IS COMMON ALL OVER THE cOUNTRY. THE lAW IS BEING INERPRETED IN WAYS IT WAS NEVER INTENDED TO BE BY pEOPLE WHO ARE QUITE FRANKLY ARSEHOLES . ITS ALL BEING ENGINEERED SO MORE AND MORE USEFUL IDIOTS WILL COME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA. YOI KNOW WHAT ALL THIS FUSS COULD BE SOLVED BY ID CARDS. yEP LETS MANUFACTURE PROBLEMS THAT WERN'T THERE BEFORE SO WE CAN SAY THE ANSWER ID I D FUCKING CARDS. A LAND FIT FOR HALFWITS IS WHAT WE HAVE BECOME. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS BUT IN MY SHEER FUCKING FRUSTRATION IVE ONLY REALISED THAT IVE TYPED IN CAPITALS AND IM FUCKED IF IM GOINFG TO SATRT AGAIN. FUCKING ID CARDS AND THE DATA PROTECTION ACT DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE !!!!

Anonymous said...

I couldnt be fucked ammending the typos either Im just so pissing enraged !!!! Dear God !

Anonymous said...

And one more very important point. The reason I get so het up about this is not so much because of the stupidity or the sheer inconvenience of it all, Its the fact that when a society decends into such nit picking irrelavances then the very dangers these Laws are devised to protect us against seem to multiply as everyone is fucking about like pricks missing the whole fucking point !!! This kinda thing leads to injustice and tyrany on a grand scale. Cattle trucks anyone ?

Jill said...

Longrider is absolutely right. The secret shopper thing is utterly out of hand and licences do get revoked (although one has to imagine a supermarket has enough welly to appeal and the poor old convenience shop just gets even further fucked in the arse).

The secret shoppers Nanny State uses are deliberately chosen to look older than they are to confuse and mislead. There's pressure on local shops hereabouts (from the police, would you believe) to refuse to serve adults suspected (only suspected, mind) of buying alcohol for minors.

I imagine that's where it all comes from.

I think blame government but not the supermarkets this time.

Bring on the cafe society, that's what I say.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

When I were a lad, my Dad was stopped at Customs on the way back from Dublin, and he had one too many bottles of whiskey. He was told it would have to be confiscated, or he would have to pay tax.

My Dad dropped the bottle to the floor, where it smashed. Job done.

If everyone who was stopped and questioned by the Till Gestapo dropped their bottles of wine on the floor, it would

a) cause a hell of mess, which the store doom-brain would have to clear up

b) be a fucking hoot

c) it would cost the stores a small fortune, and

d) it would send a strong message to the stores and to nanny.

Go on, you know you want to.....





You wouldn't have bought it, so it remains the store's property

Captain Haddock said...

Hi "Killemall" ..

The situation in which you quote your Father's actions is fine .. He'd already paid for the Whiskey .. so legally it was his to do with as he liked ..

If you did the same in an Off-Licence or Supermarket, I suspect you could be charged with Theft ..

Part of the definition of which says .. "With intent to permanently deprive" .. which one would do were one to destroy the bottle & contents by deliberately dropping it .. As you rightly say, until you've paid for it .. it remains the property of the Shop ..

I, personally wouldn't recommend this course of action .. Why give the "little Hitler's" even more power ?

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Hiya Cap'n!!

Point taken.

But accidents DO sometimes happen!!

selsey.steve said...

When I reached the grand age of eight I was considered old enough to take a jug and a couple of shillings (remember them?) firmly tied in a hanky to the off-licence and then bring home in the jug, hanky tied over the top,the two pints of Shipstons best bitter my parents had with their Sunday lunch.
Who got hurt??

Fidothedog said...

Thankfully I have not personally run across this sort of ass water rule following with regards myself, as said bottle of wine would need to be removed from member of staffs back passage.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi Steve ..

Yep .. I fondly recall those days too .. Lol

Whilst I can see the logic behind restricting sales of alcohol to minors .. after all, who wants to walk through any Town where there are youngsters pissed out of their skulls on cheap booze & sprawled across every public bench, puking in all directions and hurling abuse at passers by ?

The situation has got like this because ZaNuLieBore insist on treating Adults like Children & Children like Adults .. and because they've effectively tied the hands of the Police .. part of whose job still remains the "maintenance of the Queen's Peace" .. That can only be achieved by sworn Constables .. not Community Support Clowns ..

The whole thing has gone way too far & I would challenge any Supermarket Manager to show me the piece of Legislation (or his/her qualifications to interpret that Legislation) which gives them or their Staff a Power at Law to infringe my Human Rights by asking me demeaning & intrusive questions in public ..

JuliaM said...

"The appropriate response is to pull pull a bag of white powder, hand to the the child saying "I guess we'll just have to do with smack tonight sweetheart"."

/applause

JuliaM said...

"Hi "Snowolf" .. I think you'll find that the ban on selling Eggs & Flour is "seasonal" one, as we're rapidly approaching the imported fiasco of "Trick or Treat" or as I prefer to call it .. "Unwarranted demands with menaces" .. and "Threats to cause Criminal Damage" ..So, in this case I support the shop(s) involved .."

I can understand why you'd say that. But I'm sick unto death of the many being penalised by the actions of the few who are committing criminal offences.

It's the job of the police, PCSOs, their parents, bigger kids, whoever, to deal with egg and flour weilding miscreants.

It's NOT for shops to summarily ban children from purchasing legitimate items merely as a precaution.

And anyone who supports one strand of this because they think it's a good idea in their particular case is opening the door for all the others.

Constantly Furious said...

Agree with JuliaM, there.

Banning sales of anything because of what it 'might' be used for is the laziest kind of Authoritarianism.

I don't want shops to be 'Responsible' for shaping and controlling society.

Von Spreuth. said...

As for the Supermarket scenario .. the answer is to load two large trolleys with anything you like .. unload it all on to the conveyor belt & then say .. "Oh, I've changed my mind" .. and just walk away .. It's not Theft (as you haven't left the premises without paying) .. but it will irritate them big time ..

Be patient. The BEST time to do this is at 14:00 on christmas eve, and EVERYTHING in the trolly from the "frozen section", so they have no choice but to get it back on the shelves.

I have been banned for life from five stores that have managed to annoy me. But HAY, they are not the ONLY place in the city selling what I want.

banned said...

I'd agree with anonymous LETS MANUFACTURE PROBLEMS THAT WERN'T THERE BEFORE SO WE CAN SAY THE ANSWER IS I D FUCKING CARDS.
Mind you having an ID card would not overcome the fuckwittery of refusing sale to a parent with a child in tow.