Will Brown help Greece make a Drachma out of a crisis?

Greece is in a terrible mess. They've run out of money, and need a bailout. A big one.

In theory, of course, we can watch safely from behind the sofa. In spite of the Lord High Mandelson's best efforts over the years, we're not (yet) in the Eurozone, so all of this excitement can be stored in the file marked Somebody Else's Problem.

In practice, things are very different.

This poor, unfortunately country is cursed with a Prime Minister who just doesn't know how to stop spending. A PM who is quite happy to throw our money into any old hole in the ground, provided he can be made to look good doing so. And a PM whose favourite activity, whose chosen hobby in fact, is international, pro-celebrity showboating.

Brown is never happier than when striding into the flashlights of the world press, announcing that he has - once again - saved everyone, and informing baffled foreigners that some people called 'The Tories' would not have done nearly as brilliantly as he just has.

But not this, please, Gordon. Not more international handouts. We don't have to do this, you know.

And we've got abso-lewtly, as you would say, no money left. You and your colleagues have spent it all. Then printed some more and spent that too. We haven't got a pot to piss in, thanks to your friend 'Prudence' and her enormous bust.

Sadly, Gordon can't control himself. Like an incontinent puppy, if he gets over-excited, the cash just squirts out. And this, of course, is an exciting opportunity. Broon is off to the capital of euroland today, where this is already being discussed.

So, while he solemnly tells MP's that he will not be joining in the Greek bailout, dearie me no, the other of his two faces is pointed toward the world's media, who he tells:

"At the G20 conference in London in April we put in place arrangements that could help countries if they were in difficulty. These arrangements are still in place and have been used by some countries ... It's up to the euro area to decide what they wish to do in relation to euro area countries but there is international support available if Greece wishes it."

Not too cryptic that, is it? Not very 'coded'. Even given the fucking ridiculously convoluted style in which Broon pontificates, the message is clear.

If the lovely Cheryl Cole were to announce 'It's up to CF to decide what he wishes to do in relation to coffee and brandy but there is some available up in my flat if CF wishes it"  he would find it hard to stop grinning, pretty certain he was onto a sure thing.

So, a foreign nation in desperate need of billions, and a corrupt and spendthrift UK Prime Minister in desperate need of publicity.

You just know what he's going to do, don't you?

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