New Element Discovered

The Nuclear Physics Department of the University of Westminster has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 22 assistant neutrons, 323 deputy neutrons, and 300 assistant deputy eutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 646.

These 646 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 42 days to 13 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 5 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with taxpayers' money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons

.