Following the chaos in Westminster, there has been endless analysis in the main stream media of the roles and motivations of the many players.

Several commentators are saying that Downing Street's problems stem from it being too macho; that there should be more women involved; and that the only people who came out the utter fucking shambles with any credit were the female MP's.

Lance Price, in the Guardian's CiF, even thinks there should be an all-women government:

"..there are now more than enough on the backbenches with the experience and talent to form a perfectly workable government. They could even decide amongst themselves which jobs they took. Women, in my experience, even in politics, are more sensible about these things."

CF begs to differ. In CF's opinion, the common factor we're seeing here is that many women in politics today - regardless of political affiliation - are completely batshit fucking crazy.

What the fuck is Hazel Blears thinking of? a huge, dramatic, carefully-timed resignation. Then, just a few days later, she decides that, actually, everything she did was totally, utterly wrong, and makes a series of emotional and grovelling apologies.

""In hindsight that judgement was wrong .. I should have waited until after the election. The effect on the party is something I will live with forever"

And Harriet Harman? Very busy, pushing her legislation that will ban the 'whites only' membership rules of the BNP . What? What? Are you insane? Exactly how many "non-white" folk have been clamouring to join the party that doesn't recognise them as British? As Old Holborn points out, this is about as droolingly nuts as a man insisting that he be given the right to have babies.

Caroline Flint? Nutter. One week she's clambering in and out of silk frocks to pose for some magazine, the next she's whining that she's not taken seriously, and Gordon just thinks she's window dressing. Every fucking story in the press about this (possibly valid) point was illustrated with photo's of her pouting moodily in a photo session and a posh frock.

And the creme de la creme? The top of the crazy heap?The arch fucking loon? The oh-dear-god-she's-really-lost-it-now fruitcake? Well of course, its Nadine fucking Dorries. In spite of her widely-reported and largely lunatic blogging about "poor me", CallMeDave doesn't seem to be able to keep away from her.

The other day, they went out for a meal together. Nice. Was Nadine grateful? Did she think better of Dave? Oh boy, yeah.

Apparently she was so excited to be dining with him, she was tipped over the edge into full-blown insanity. Bear in mind that the text below is from the blog of a grown woman; a fucking politician no less, not a love-struck 13 year old:

The night ended as it began, with laughter. Can you imagine Brown even knowing what I was talking about, if I were sitting next to him and I said 'just when you thought life couldn't get any better, along comes a Mint Baileys.' ? Exactly.

And it was good to see him laugh because we all know that there must be times during his day, when David the man, trapped within the pages of his frantic diary, cries somewhere inside.

Nurse! Nurse! A small sedative for Ms. Dorries...

.

There goes Hazel Blears!! The littlest Cabinet minister has finally done the right thing, and fallen on her toothpick.

And so the meltdown rages on unabated. Such entertainment.

Yet another incompetent fucking trougher decides to take the exit, kicking the snivelling, recumbent form of the PM as they push past him.

CF wonders if the wimmin all plotted this together, sitting up late on Sunday night, planning this out, chuckling as they imagined the sound of Nokias striking plaster.

Surely CF is right, and Its all over for Gordon now. He's got no friends, no supporters and - hopefully - no fucking future.

Gordon, for fuck's sake take the hint : make sure you're next.



(hat tip Gigits for the pic)

Dramatic developments tonight. Gordon Brown has described cabinet minister Hazel Blears' expenses claim as "totally unacceptable behaviour".

And? And? She's fired? She's got to "step down"? The ol' bill are on their way? She's been placed on - say it ain't so - suicide watch?

No, no, nothing as vulgar as any of that. Just the lash of those caustic words from the Prime Minister.

Well, that's sorted her out. She's probably lying in one of her beds, trembling; her nuts clicking together as she shivers, even as we speak.

For fucks sake. So that's her punishment is it? To have a man despised by the majority of the nation say something a bit rude about her? To be condemned by the condemned? Yup. Seems so.

Apparently, its all tickety-fucking-boo, because, wait for it:

"..she has not broken the law, she has not broken the rules of the House of Commons.."

Oh, right. Gordon, unaware that he has lost his audience, witters on:

"It is unacceptable behaviour and she has accepted it as unacceptable behaviour .. It was totally unacceptable behaviour. I do not support it .. It is inappropriate for people to do it but it is not, as you will know by looking at in detail, against the law or against the rules of the House at the moment. That's why we are discussing the changes we are doing"

So strong, so firm, so decisive. Couldn't you just melt into his arms, ladies?

Well, its all very fucking clear now. Tomorrow, CF intends to dash into John Lewis, grab a 40" LCD Television, and dash out again.

If apprehended, CF will gladly admit that his behaviour was "totally unacceptable", give the television back to the panting security guards, and go on his way.

Isn't it fucking great now that everything's so very clear?


UPDATE: rumour has it that she's currently heading to her constituency, even though she's due in the House this afternoon. Could it be that she's decided to do what Gordon didn't have the guts to?

Hazel Blears -- endearing red-head though she is -- is in deep trouble. The latest Telegraph release:

"Miss Blears sold the property in Kennington, south London, in August 2004 for £200,000, making a profit of £45,000. She admitted last night that she did not pay capital gains tax (CGT) on the profit from the sale because "no liability" had arisen.

The admission suggested that Miss Blears declared the flat as her primary residence for tax purposes while at the same time telling the Commons authorities that it was her second home, a designation that enabled her to claim hundreds of pounds in parliamentary expenses.

What does Her Maj's tax gatherer say on this again?

CGT is liable to be paid on the profit from the sale of any property that is not classified with HM Revenue & Customs as a "main residence". At the time of the sale Miss Blears had informed the Commons authorities that the Kennington flat was her second home, enabling her to claim mortgage interest payments on it at £850 a month.

So Hazel, you may be "..within the rules..", but you've broken the law. So what'll it be: apologise or apologise and resign?


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