Dangling Balls

The Daily Telegraph is teasing us, yet again, by hinting at the next targets for its glacially slow, terminally smug expose of the expenses scandal:

"The eighth day of The Daily Telegraph’s investigation into the abuse of the House of Commons allowances will also shed light on MPs who are married to other MPs"

Jesus, is it only the eighth day? It feels like this has been dragging on since the late Sixties, for fuck's sake. But anyway, perk up, nearly there, one last big push, anyway, sorry, what were you saying, DT?

"..shed light on MPs who are married to other MPs"

Oh, yes. This must mean we're finally going to hear about Ed 'Blinky' Balls and Yvette 'Mrs Balls' Cooper.

Regulars with long memories will recall how we wished to see those Balls in a Vice, and how last night we became convinced that they must be extremely Sweaty Balls, but perhaps tonight this speculation will be brought to a close.

There were rumours last night that an injunction had been overturned, then rumours today that there was no injunction. Those Balls seem to know something's up, because they've either decided to lie very low, been abducted by aliens or gone to live in Lima.

CF is beginning to feel that, given the amount of hype that has been generated, and the feverish levels of expectation now current, anything less than the revelation that the golden couple have been buying kittens on expenses , buggering them, strangling them, then cooking them on a barbecue that we paid for, fueled with fifty pound notes, then washing this meal down with large glasses of freshly squeezed dolphin tears, is going to be quite disappointing.

So, Daily Telegraph, do your worst. Bring it on.


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