Elliot Morley is going to prison

More MP's expenses sleaze from the Daily Telegraph. And, no, it wasn't Ed 'n' Yvette last night - Those Sweaty Balls will have to sweat it out for another night, wherever they're hiding.

But it was the worst so far. According to the Daily Telegraph:

"Former Labour minister Elliot Morley claimed parliamentary expenses of more than £16,000, continuing to claim for mortgage interest on his constituency home for 18 months after the loan had been repaid"

"after the loan had been repaid" is putting it mildly - "when there was no such fucking loan" might be a bit clearer.


MP for Scunthorpe (and shoo-in for the part of Wilbur in Charlotte's Web - The Movie) Morley told the BBC (who doubtless patted his trotter sympathetically and offered him some licence-payer-funded biscuits) that he had "paid some back" (some? some?) and it had been "a mistake which he felt terrible about"

The poor bastard.

The former environment minister said the mistake was "entirely his fault", that he "should have kept a tighter rein" and that he felt "terrible about the situation". Yes, yes, and good.

Mr Morley was said by sources to have been "distraught and heartbroken". Excellent. If you feel bad now, wait til the 'cuffs go on.

And go on they must. This is different. This is clearly fraud and clearly theft.

This isn't Lord Boffington-Woffington getting his drawbridge oiled, or Ron Leninspart finally getting the 50 inch plasma he's always coveted. This is plain, simple fucking theft.

This a bloke in a bar saying "Yeah, I dropped that tenner" when he knows he didn't.

This isn't pushing the boundaries, this is breaking the fucking law. This isn't piling up your bowl too high in the salad bar at Pizza Hut: its grabbing the till, and an armful of pizzas from the kitchen, and running off.

So, there's lots to do this morning. We want:

• A statement from his constituency, telling us he's been de-selected;
• A statement from Gordon (yeah, right), telling us that the whip has been withdrawn, and that Morley is no longer a member of the Labour Party;
• A statement from the Police, telling us what at time today they plan to arrest Morley;
• and one for luck: a statement from the Speaker: this happened on your watch; time to step down, Mick.

And we want them all by 11am today. Thanks.