Gordon doesn't know. Anything.

What a fucking nightmare Gordon Brown must be for his ‘handlers’. The job of making him look decisive, confident - fuck, even sane - must be damn near impossible.

When our much beloved Prime Minister was persuaded to take part in an online chat, he was asked twelve times what his favourite biscuit was, but would not answer. Why not? Fuck knows. Eventually his handlers, realizing he’d made a twat of himself again, posted “anything with a bit of chocolate on it”, on ‘his’ Twitter account.

But this is not the first time this man, a man who is supposed to be leading the nation, and representing us on the world stage, has made an utter arse of himself with his terrified, frozen, open-mouthed indecision.

Iain ‘Mrs’ Dale, has been reminiscing, and has put together a little list of Gordon’s other dithers, cock-ups and lies:

The Lockerbie bomber
After the bomber was released from jail, the Prime Minister refused to give his opinion on whether it was the right thing to do. Instead, he said that it was "a matter for the Scottish Executive" and that he couldn’t give an opinion as part of the British Government. But Bill Rammell, who was then a Foreign Office minister, told the Libyan government that ‘neither the Prime Minister nor the Foreign Secretary would want Mr Megrahi to pass away in prison”

The non-election
Brown appointed a general election coordinator three days before he became Prime Minister in 2007. He started writing a manifesto within two weeks. He hired an advertising agency and then he got his closest adviser to tell the newspapers that he was on an ‘election footing’ On 6 October he announced that there would not be a general election in 2007.

Televised leaders’ debate
Asked by David Cameron last year to commit to a televised debate between the main party leaders, Brown refused to do so out of hand. Earlier this year, Mandelson said that Brown would be 'happy' to have a televised debate with Cameron. However, the Prime Minister’s aides rejected such a notion, saying: ‘Our position has not changed. Voters have the chance to compare the party leaders each week at prime minister's questions’. Brown was going to announce support of televised leaders’ debates in his conference speech before deciding against doing so.  One aide added: ‘..the decision was finally taken by Gordon to drop the commitment to debate.. At 1:30 in the morning on the day of his speech".
Brown finally decided to announce his support of leaders’ debates 18 months after David Cameron challenged him about it at PMQs. The Prime Minister finally committed to televised debates on 3 October saying: ‘It is right that we set the issues before the British people.…I relish the opportunity of making our case directly to the people of this country.'


For fucks' sake. But theres more ...


Meeting the Dalai Lama
After months of dithering over whether to meet the Dalai Lama when he came to Britain, Gordon Brown finally decided that he would meet him. The Prime Minister arranged to meet him at the Archbishop of Canterbury’s residence, rather than his own. It was reported that the decision was taken because Gordon Brown was afraid to upset the Chinese government. But the Prime Minister’s spokesman claimed the decision reflected the fact that the Dalai Lama is a ‘respected spiritual leader’.

Welcoming the Olympic Torch
The original route for the Olympic Torch did not include Downing Street. But on 3 April, it was announced that Brown would welcome the torch in Downing Street the following Sunday. While the Prime Minister did welcome the torch into Downing Street on 6 April, in order to look like he understood the position of anti-China protestors he refused to touch or hold the torch. However, he was happy to be pictured with it.

Signing of the Lisbon Treaty
In late 2007, Gordon Brown couldn’t decide whether to personally sign the Lisbon Treaty or not. After days of dithering, he finally opted to put his signature on the document, but not to attend the official signing ceremony on 13 December 2007. However, a question still remained over whether he would sign the renamed EU Constitution in public: ‘At first Downing Street suggested that he would miss the entire event. Then, when his attendance was confirmed at the start of the week, it was suggested he would sign the treaty in private. It was only on Tuesday that his officials finally announced he would sign in public.


Jesus H. Christ, the man's an idiot. But wait, we're not done...


Beijing Olympics’ opening ceremony
In March 2008, after Nicolas Sarkozy announced he might boycott the Beijing Olympics’ opening ceremony, Gordon Brown said he would attend the opening and closing ceremonies: “We will not be boycotting the Olympic Games; Britain will be attending the Olympic Games ceremonies”. Days later, he confirmed this saying that Britain would “be present at the Olympic ceremonies and I will certainly be there”. On 9 April, after two weeks of dithering, Downing Street announced that Brown would not actually attend the opening ceremony, contrary to his earlier position.

Brown’s favourite food
Brown offered 8 different types of cuisine when asked what his favourite meal was by a school child. Brown responded to the question by saying: ‘Traditional things like steak and….all that and I love er…spaghetti bolognese, carbonara and all these things…so I like all these er er things…er…er, I like Chinese food, Indian food, I like English food, British food…I like…er…er…French food…I like, I like almost everything.’ When pressed further by his interviewer to give a firm answer, Brown finally replied: ‘I think it would be steak.’

Brown’s favourite band
Brown attempted to portray a softer side of himself by professing that he enjoyed listening to the Arctic Monkeys. He said that ‘the Arctic Monkeys really wake you up in the morning’. Months later, it emerged that Brown couldn’t actually name any songs by the Arctic Monkeys. When asked by men’s magazine GQ to give the names of any of the songs on the band’s debut album, Brown couldn’t offer a single one. He instead said ‘they are very loud’ and went on to praise Coldplay.



Dear God. Who’d be that idiot's keeper?

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