Brown's Thatcher moment?

The natives are restless. Those South American natives, that is. They're angry about those islands that they think are called Las Malvinas, but we know are called The Falklands.

They've all got together to protest about the UK's drilling for oil just off the Falkland Islands, that windswept patch of nothing that over 250 British troops died to defend.

A patch of nothing that - ooh, gosh - turns out to be sitting near some oil reserves.

So shut it, you foreign nonces - God gave Britain the Falklands hundreds of years ago, especially for keeping sheep and penguins on. If there just happens to be a little bit of oil nearby, why then that's a lovely little bonus.

But they're not 'avin it. The Argentine president has accused the British government of 'ignoring international law' by allowing a British oil exploration company to begin drilling near the islands.

Well, you're wasting your time with that line of attack, love. We're very fucking comfortable ignoring International Law. Good ol' Dubya taught Tony, and Tony taught Mandy, and Mandy taught the rest of the Government.

But the head of the Argies has friends, who agree with her. They all got together, had a little meeting and decided that the UK must stop. She states:

"..the important thing is that we have achieved very strong support, something that legitimates our claims fundamentally against the new petroleum activity."

Red Ken's best mate, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, is one of her allies:

"We demand, and I think all of us should do the same, the withdrawal of the submarine platform, and that the English government... give that land back,"

Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega is another, calling for..

"Britain to return the territory of the Malvinas to its real owners - to return it to Argentina"

Apparently, not only Latin American leaders but Caribbean leaders have backed Argentina's claim over the Falklands. What? Caribbean leaders? What the flying fuck has it got to do with them? Are Antiguan aircraft carriers heading south even as we speak? Is the St Lucian airforce dusting off its MiGs, ready to unleash rum punch flavoured excocets?

But, regardless, we're not scared. Defence Minister Bill 'Who?' Rammell said the government had a "legitimate right" to build an oil industry in its waters. He added, doubtless frowning menacingly, that..

"..the UK government would take whatever steps necessary to protect the Falklands"

Yeah! That's fightin' talk. We're going to defend our sheep and our 'phone boxes to the death, you bunch of jumped-up dagoes!

So what will Gordon 'Mr Decisive' Brown do? Will he follow Thatcher's example? Go to war in a far-off land to reinforce a claim on a small part of the empire?

Nah. That ain't gonna happen. In every way you could think of, Broon is not fit to clean Maggie's stilettos.

As with any development, unless Gordon or his minders can work out a way of using this situation to somehow make the Tories look bad, or raise a couple of billion in tax, the whole issue will be completely ignored, sidelined.

Brown will bottle this, like he bottles every-fucking-thing.

Expect to see bewildered oil rig workers, in handcuffs, in Buenos Aires real soon now.

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