Seldom can any Cabinet post been held by a man of such astonishing ineptitude. And to make it worse, the hand that is firmly wedged up his arse, working him like the hopeless puppet that he is, belongs to our woeful and unelected Prime Minister. A fuckwit directing another fuckwit.
This has long been a disastrous situation, but yesterday the Fuck Up dial was twisted so violently to 'Full on' that it snapped off.
The Brown-Ainsworth axis has absolutely fucking excelled itself this time.
Everyone's been saying we urgently need more helicopters in Afghanistan? Fine, say Bob 'n' Broon, you shall have them. 22 of them. Nice, eh?
But, they add, lowering their voices and looking shifty, we're .. err ... going to have to make massive cuts - well, actually, more massive cuts - in .. err ... just about every other area to pay for 'em.
And why exactly do we need to cut just about everything else to fund this political showboating? As Liam Fox, the shadow defence secretary, pointed out
“The new Chinook helicopters are of course welcome, but this decision would not have been necessary if the Prime Minister had not, against all advice, cut £1.4bn from the helicopter programme in 2004.”
But of course he did, Liam. He couldn't give a toss about the Forces. Didn't when he was Chancellor, still doesn't now.
Broon may well have gone on a lovely sleepover with them a few days ago, and tried on some of their hats, and he may well have bullied Ainsworth into providing these choppers, but that’s not because he gives a shit. Oh no.
That's because he's got a General Election coming up. Because he wants to give CallMeDave Cameron a hard time in every way possible.
So he makes Bobby sprinkle the promise of a few helicopters, just in time for Christmas. But what's the other hand doing? Why, cuts of course: an air base closed, an entire Harrier squadron scrapped, a reduction of 2,500 in the number of military personnel. And more; much, much more.
Do you remember Badger Darling saying last week that he was going to ring fence spending on schools, hospitals and the police? Yes, he did. But not Defence. Defence wasn't mentioned. And, lo and fucking behold, a few days later, the cuts begin.
So, yet a-fucking-gain, we see this woeful, dying Government breaking new ground. Doing something that has never been done before. Just - as usual - not in a good way.
As the Daily Telegraph points out this morning
"..this is first time in modern history that the Government has raided the budget of the Ministry of Defence to fund a continuing military operation"
Air Chief Marshal Lord Craig, former chief of the defence staff, is not impressed:
“By cutting the fast jets again, the Government is reducing our ability to establish air superiority .. It doesn't matter how many helicopters you have if the other side is able shoot them down freely.”
“Does the Government think we're never again going to come up against an enemy with air power?"
Sir Malcolm Rifkind, former Defence Secretary himself, thinks
“.. It is deeply dangerous, never happened in the past and has the most ominous implications for the integrity of our armed forces.
Andrew Brookes, a former RAF commander doesn't think much of the Broon 'n' Bob idea either:
“If you cut back the premier league capability of the UK forces in order to just win a counter insurgency campaign against the Taliban, which has no air force and has no tanks and has no warships, when you finally do pitch up against a state that has those capabilities you could seriously end up losing a conflict"
So Bob, very well done. Your place in history is assured. You've fucked everything up.
But the best bit, the biggest piss take, the most audacious trick-we're-not-supposed-to-spot is that - oh, by the way guys - these fucking helicopters won't actually be ready until "at least" 2012. What?
Assuming the usual ineptitude, the standard levels of fuckups, the 'normal' delays, the helicopters won't actually be in service until 2013.
And guess what? According to Gordo', the poor sods who haven't already come home in a wooden box will be coming home then anyway.