What's on the other side?


The nation has been able to forget its woes, ignore the freezing weather and celebrate joyfully, at the wonderful news that .. err .. there are going to be three televised debates between Messrs. Brown, Cameron and Clegg. Hurrah!

Or, perhaps more accurately, meh. What a total waste of fucking time.

The TV companies - BBC, Sky and ITV are doubtless rubbing their fat, well-manicured hands with glee at the extra viewers - and extra revenue - these 'historic' events will bring.

Boy, are they in for a surprise.

Do you know what, guys? Not as many people as you might think are going to be keen to sit and watch three middle-aged men in expensive suits lying to each other. No, really.

The few that might will be turned right off the idea by the endless gravelly-voiced adverts which will be pounded into our skulls for fucking weeks beforehand: "Coming soon. For the first time in British History ...". You can hear it now.

The debates themselves will, of course, be virtually devoid of content, and utterly meaningless.

Brown will be dosed to the eyeballs with a cocktail of drugs, and his script will have been crafted carefully by a vast team of writers.

He's never been recorded as having answered a question put to him, and this won't be the occasion he starts, will it? He'll read out an enormous list of supposed Labour achievements, followed by a shorter list of lies about what the eevil Tories plan to do, then his mouth wil slump open, and we'll all be none the wiser.

CallMeDave will look very shiny, and will bang on about boom 'n' bust, and perhaps slip in a mention of his wind turbine. But guess what, CMD? We've heard all that before.

The boy Clegg will work himself into a lather of fake-indignation about something - Iraq, or Joanna Lumley's little chums, or something Vince told him about banks that he doesn't really understand, and find himself trapped in a single issue with nothing else to add. The two other leaders will probably starting chatting to each other while he's speaking.

And, then, when the bovine public have watched this tedious festival of soundbites, what will they do?

Imagine if one of these talking heads actually did impress someone? "I like that nice Mr Cameron, I'm gonna to vote for 'im".

Well, dear voter, unfortunately you can't just press the Red Button on your Sky remote. That won't cast a vote this time.

And no, Ant 'n' Dec won't be popping up with an 0800 number for you to phone either.

Did you think you should text the word 'CallMeDave' to the BBC? No, that won't work either. There's only one way to vote in this particular piece of reality TV.

What you've got to do is make sure your name is on something called the electoral register, and keep a safe hold of the postcard that was sent to you and then, on the day that .... Hello?  Hello?

Oh, they've gone.


_

62 comments:

Captain Haddock said...

Sounds spot on to me CF ...

Mass debate is about right where these three clowns are concerned .. Wankers all ..

Jill said...

You know, I'm all for a good debate, but what's wrong with Question Time et al? Or hustings in town halls with - shock, horror - real, live, local candidates?

But what really bothers me about all this is the nagging sense that we're drifting towards presidentialism. We're not choosing between the son of the manse and Call Me Dave - we're choosing between the Labour and Tory parties. I don't want a forking presidential system thankyouverymuch.

I feel equally uneasy about all the 'we didn't elect him' bollocks flying about vis a vis Brown. No, I don't think political parties should have succession rights as Brown appeared to do, but we DID elect him - as an MP and member of the Labour Party, which we DID elect to rule the country. Our government is run by parties in this country, not by individuals.

I blame this shift on that wanker Blair, and I don't think it's a healthy shift.

JuliaM said...

Absolutely spot on...

Captain Haddock said...

One has to ask .. what is there to debate ?

Labour's policies & stance are well known .. God alone knows, we've suffered under them for long enough ..

Cameron has expressed the desire to be the "Heir to Blair" .. so no promise of any radical change there then ..

As for the LibDems .. well, what can one say ?

I've never voted Labour, will never do so & hate socialism with a passion ..

I'd sooner vote for next door's cat than the LimpDems ..

And Cameron has singularly failed to ignite any interest or belief that he will make one iota of difference ..

Any televised debate will be pure Showmanship, nothing more .. nothing less & will achieve sod all, squared ..

Jill said...

What will you do, Captain? I feel similarly disenfranchised - albeit for different reasons! - and I'm all for a mass spoiling of ballot papers so that no one can claim a real mandate.

Henry Crun said...

Oh great 4 and a half hours of Brown's droning "M-M-M-M-M-Mr Chairman"

John East said...

The only reason for watching this borefest is the possibility of seeing Brown destroyed, humiliated, and suffering a mental meltdown live on air, but on balance I doubt it will happen so I'll probably not bother tuning in.

An hours exposure to the lies, propaganda, and promises that won't be delivered, which we have all heard before from all three of them anyway, is too depressing to contemplate.

TheBigYin said...

And where does UKIP fit into this debacle..er..debate? http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=213962731315&ref=nf&v=info#/group.php?gid=213962731315&ref=nf

Anonymous said...

THE THREE LIARS

Anonymous said...

I wonder if there'll be a white face in the audience?

banned said...

I would have been interested if someone from outside the Westminster village was there too bring these three cheats to book on subjects like Our Referendum, Immigration and the Calamity Climate Carnage Scam.
Nigel Farage perhaps.

banned said...

What's happened to the rest of your blog CF ? Other posts only show in your sidebar.

Constantly Furious said...

@banned: I reset it deliberately to show only the most recent on the home page, rather than the last 5, because it supposedly loads quicker. Is that not good?

Jill said...

CF: No, it isn't, because I like the old comments. I'd rather just scroll down.

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