They said that there could never be a Labour leader more slippery and duplicitous than Tony Blair.

They said that there could never be a party leader whose views would be more widely despised and vilified than the BNP's Nick Griffin.

They said that there could never be a Labour leader more partisan, more tribal, more blinded by his hatred of his imagined enemies than Gordon Brown.

They were to be proved wrong - very wrong - by one man, and one man alone.

That man, that man, is Ed Balls, rumoured to be throwing his enormous, sweaty hat into the ring for Labour leadership tomorrow.

A man who has in his trouser pocket Labour's one-way ticket to oblivion,

Please, let it be so...

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Whining leftie 'commentator' Johann Hari is not happy. We haven't got the Government he wanted. So naturally, he rephrases that from his own blinkered viewpoint: 'This is not what the British people voted for'. Isn't it? Did we all get it wrong, Johann?

He tells us what we're missing out on following our foolish, foolish voting, by listing the Labour parties 'true' achievements:

"..redistributive tax credits, doubled spending on the NHS, the minimum wage"

And? And? Oh, that's the lot. 13 fucking years, and that's all they can boast about? No wonder they were shown the door, eh?

He then indulges in the usual leftie technique, waring us of all the terrible things the eevil ConDems will force upon us:

"Schools will now get a big cash bonus for taking in poor children, reversing the social apartheid in our playgrounds. There will now be considerably higher taxes on Capital Gains – the shares and second homes owned by the rich. Planes, the most environmentally destructive form of travel, will now face higher taxes"

Gather the wagons in a circle, ma, we're all doomed! Slight confusion here, it would seem. We didn't vote for that?

But the Hari saves the best 'til last, when he shares with us his views on the next leader of the Labour party. He doesn't think it should be Milliband Major - oh no. Too far to the right, you see:

"David Miliband is the candidate of the people who poisoned the New Labour years with right-wing fantasies. Peter Mandelson is merrily pushing him as the Blairite who can most attract wealthy donors and remains unrepentant about Iraq."

So come on then, you tedious old leftie, who should it be?

"It looks like Yvette Cooper is standing aside for her husband, Ed Balls – but she is a far more impressive candidate, and should be urgently pressed to reconsider."

What? What the fuck? Yvette Cooper for leader? Yvette for PM in 2015? What have you been smoking, Johann. Why her?

"Cooper is rooted in the Labour tradition – her grandfather was a miner, her father was a trade unionist"

Oh, right. Is that it? No. That just makes her palatable to the party. Apparently, her real strong point, the reason she should be leader, is that she has no testicles. Really:

"Labour hameorraghed female voters at this election, while women in all parties were relegated to the role of silent beaming wives .. Isn't Cooper a great attention-grabbing antidote? Or do we still live in a 1950s world of brilliant women stepping aside for their less impressive husbands?"

Well you're right that Yvette's husband is 'less impressive'. Ed Balls is 'less impressive' than creatures that lurk at the bottom of stagnant ponds, for fuck's sake.

But really, Yvette Cooper to be leader, to lead the charge in the commons? Just because she's a lady? An 'attention grabbing antidote'?

Dick Clameregg must be absolutely fucking delighted.

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Yes, our esteemed MPs will today vote on whether we should vote on how we are going to vote.

You might have thought that, in the teeth of a disastrous recession, in the midst of broken Britain and in the depths of an unwinnable war - a war that has now killed more soldiers than we lost in the Falklands - there might be better things for MP's to spend their time on.

But of course, if you thought that, you'd be forgetting the utter, naked desperation of Gordon Brown and his team to cling on to power.

Not to 'do the right thing' or to 'help hardworking families'. No. Just to remain in Government, like a fat Pekinese on its favourite velvet cushion. To keep sucking on the teat of privilege and power, and to continue driving and directing this unfortunate country on its long, spiraling journey down the shitter.

Parliament's reputation is at an all-time low. Greedy, self-interested MP's have been caught with their grubby trotters in the till. Some of them are still protesting that they've done no wrong, even some of the those who have felt not the Hand of Destiny but the Hand of PC Plod on their shoulders.

So, yes, reform. Yes, change. But not this, for Christ's sake. Not this total waste of time and energy. Not this feeble piece of politicking

This is just another blatant attempt by Broon to create more of his beloved, artificial 'dividing lines'. The fuckwit simply cannot make himself or his party look good, so just has to settle with trying to make his opposition look bad.

He's on his metaphorical hands and knees, scraping up all the tiny, tiny pieces of shit he can find, in a desperate attempt to make a large enough turd to hurl at his sworn enemy, Cameron.

And this is all going nowhere. There's no time left for this woeful Government. Even Labour backbenchers know this nonsense is not going to make it into law. It's not even going to be properly debated. A distraction. A ruse. A pathetic and needless gesture. Regardless of your views on Constitutional Reform, now really is not the time for this pointless showboating.

Anyway, if you're so fucking keen on a Referendum, Gordon, where the fuck is the one you promised us on Europe? Remember? In that litany of cynical lies and broken promises you called a Manifesto. Where's that Referendum?

There has long been a criminal offence out there in the 'real world', the offence of 'Wasting police time'.

There should be a similar offence, punishable by sacking and refused further employment as an MP, of Wasting Parliament's Time. Wasting our overpaid MP's time. Wasting everyone's time.

The arrests could begin today.

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CF is very busy today, so no time for a protracted rant.

However, an hour or so ago, CF caught a snatch of the news on Radio 4.

Apparently, Ed 'Blinky' Balls doesn't like CallMeDave's proposals around taxation for married couples and has accused him of "Social Engineering".

What the fuck?

Would that be Ed 'Bully' Balls of the NuLabour Party?

The most tinkering, interfering and - yes - engineering party ever to govern this unfortunate country?

Ed Balls of the party that always knows exactly how we should all live our lives, and has been ceaselessly legislating for 12 fucking years to ensure that we all do as we're told?

It is?

Now that's pretty fucking rich...

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