Many of Gordon Brown's actions and decisions are strongly influenced by his overwhelming, mindless hatred of the Conservative party. The sad bastard doesn't even choose his tie each morning without wondering which colour will most damage the Tories.

It was probably this emotion that was behind one of his more baffling responses to the Great Expenses Scam.

Gordon has decided that, as part of the essential reforms to stop MP's maximising their income with inflated expenses claims, they should, ..er.., declare how much they earn outside of Parliament.

Did he decide this for the good of Parliament? For the benefit of the poor, ripped-off taxpayers? Did he fuck. He doesn't give a toss about that. He did this purely because he thought it would make the Tories look bad.

After all, it's well known that many senior Tory MP's sit on the boards of large companies, and act as consultants and advisors to the business world. In other circles, this is seen as no bad thing, as business and life experience is diseminated, and mutually beneficial contacts are cultivated. British directorships for British workers, to coin a phrase.

In Gordon and the Left's hate-filled worlds, however, this is cast as 'greed'. How dare they? Jobs for the Toffs.

So, the thinking goes, let's make up some new rules, some rules that force to Tories to confess to their Capitalist crimes. And won't it be great at PMQ's? Instead of answering questions, Brown can repeatedly retort "well, he would say that: we all know Megabank paid him 50,000 pounds last year", to jubilant cries of "toff" from the Labour backbenches.

Tory MP's have already come under some pressure to reduce, or give up entirely, their outside commitments.

Of course, Labour MP's, having been dinner ladies, school teachers or student union administrators in previous lives, aren't really sought after by the 'real world'. Who wants Jacqui Smith as a non-executive director?

So, a new rule that - in true left wing style - brings everyone down to the same level has to be a good thing, right? Take that, Hague. Ha-ha, Osborne.

Try telling that to the Labour MP for Dartford, Dr Howard Stoate. Why's he called Dr Howard Stoate? Because he makes sick and injured people well again.

Yes, as well as being an MP, Dr Stoate is a GP. He has done both jobs for the last 12 years, with - of course - the full knowledge of his constituents.

But no longer. In Gordon's brave new post-reform world, he cannot do both. Helping people and helping people? That's just greedy and selfish.

Dr Stoate, who wishes to carry on in his job as a GP, says calls for MPs to give up outside work has left him with no choice but to resign.

The Labour MP, elected in 1997, said:

“It is clear from the tenor of recent debates in the Commons and from the position taken by senior figures within the Parliamentary Labour Party with regard to the outside work of MPs that this position is no longer tenable.

“I think that my own contribution to the work of Parliament would be diminished if I was to give up General Practice which is why I have decided not to stand as a candidate at the next general election."

Oh well done, Gordon! In your pathetic, partisan attempt to make CallMeDave and his toff cronies look like nasty capitalists, you've managed to shoot yourself in the foot, and lose yet another Labour MP.


.

Apparently, the desperately unfunny Sacha Baron Cohen, who seems to have made an entire fucking career out of turning piss weak catch-phrases into 2 hour movies, is in trouble.

The al-Aqsa Matryr's Brigade, featured in a mock interview in his latest woeful cringe-fest, is said to be more than a little pissed off at being poked fun at.

Unlike most of the egotistical twat's hapless victims, they might actually have the wherewithal to do something about it.

"..we reserve the right to respond in the way we find suitable against this man.."

And rest assured, 'Borat', that won't be dressing up, putting on a lot of make up and offering to shag your sister in a funny voice.

"Baron Cohen is said to be taking the threat seriously and has improved security around him.."

Well boo-hoo, you talentless piece of shit. Did it turn out that someone you mocked, in your sneering, supercilious Oxbridge way, was actually planning to hit back? Dearie me.

He'd better pray they don't coming looking in this area.

If some mad-eyed bearded men appear, asking for directions to the least amusing man in Britain, CF will be more than happy to help out.


.

After almost 8 months of tedious, repetitive effort, it looks like CF has finally landed a job. Or to be more accurate, an interim management assignment.

Rather than contact each one individually, CF would like to deliver the following message to the 30+ recruitment agents who failed to even acknowledge his applications, and never returned his phone calls: Fuck the lot of you.

CF found this job through a friend of a friend of a former colleague, so no money has been wasted on any fuckwitted middle-man; this is almost as pleasing as winning the job has been.

This change of status doesn't mean that CF will be any less furious : after all, millions of other poor sods are still unemployed, and this once-great nation remains firmly, definitively fucked.

And that's always infuriating.

It does mean, however, that blogging may be light over the rest of this week, while CF struggles to adapt to a cruel new regime of 5:45 alarms and interminable train rides.

Plenty to get angry about there..


.

Are you listening, Gordon? Are you listening, Lord Mandy? What about you, Blinky Balls? Is anybody in the Labour party listening?

Once again, the electorate have handed you a thumping defeat. They really, really dislike you and everything you do. There's no other way of telling you, so we keep doing this.

Please, for fucks' sake, listen: not to your own spinners, or to the supine press, but to us.

Get the message: get the fuck out.



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A couple of weeks ago, there was a fire in Camberwell, in which six people - three adults, two children and a baby - lost their lives.

Naturally, such tragedies need investigation. Equally naturally, the BBC has a duty to convey the details and findings of any investigation to the public.

So, three weeks later, what do they have to say? Oh, here we are. Here's what the BBC has to say (with CF's emphasis, in case you miss the subtle underlying message):

"..a report written in 1999 found Lakanal House had a 'risk of localised fire spread between wall panelled sections'."

"The block was due to be demolished under the council's Labour administration. But Labour councillors have told the BBC that when the council changed hands to the Liberal Democrats the new administration decided to keep Lakanal House."

So the fire was the Lib Dem's fault? What? Oh, for fucks' sake: are there no depths to which these twisted bastards will not sink?

Using a fire, in which a baby died, to make a quick, cheap political point? Jesus Christ. What kind of sub-human scum thinks that way?

Just remember that, next time you consider either voting Labour or paying your BBC licence fee. Nothing is out of bounds to these bastards. Nothing is too low, no chance to smear another party is missed.

CF sincerely hopes that every last single person involved in the above statement, in its tranmission and in its publication suffers the same fate:

Die in a fucking fire, you cunts.



(Hat-tip to Rantin' Rab.)



.

All those poor, overworked MP's go off on their holidays today. No more work for them, hurrah!

And not just for a trifling week or two - no, these bastards get to spend their ill-gotten expenses claims on fine wines and delicious food all around the world for over 80 fucking days: near as dammit three fucking months.

So as to enable them to really relax nicely, lets have a quick review of their recent performance. After all, there's nothing like the quiet glow of satisfaction that comes from achievement, eh?

A brief glance around the internet .. in fact, fuck it .. lets be lazy. A very quick look at just one source - Politics' Home - yields the following:

"MINISTER: FORCES LACK AIRCRAFT : Outgoing Foreign Office minister Lord Malloch Brown has said that Britain "definitely" does not have enough helicopters for operations in Afghanistan"

"ANTI KNIFE CRIME STRATEGY FAILS: The high-profile government campaign to tackle knife crime in big English cities has failed to cut the number of fatal stabbings, according to Home Office figures published today "

"WARNING OVER SLOW ECONOMIC RECOVERY: The National Institute of Economic and Social Research, has warned that recovery will occur much slower than the government predicts, forcing tougher fiscal decisions to be taken. "

"POLICE RACE RELATIONS WORSE: A Home Affairs Committee report has said in the 10 years since the Macpherson Report, aspects of police race relations, such as stop and search, had got worse"

"Darling confirms VAT will go up in January"

"Exam chief warns 'barmy' Balls on A-levels "

"Police powers for Olympics alarm critics"

And that's just yesterday's stories. Never mind the whole of Brown's tenure, much less the entire Labour government - we're just looking at this weeks' bad news.

What an enormous pile of shit; in short, a litany of fuck-up's, failures and malicious interference. What a godawful mess. If a child came home from school with a report this bad, you wouldn't take them on fucking holiday, you'd send pack 'em off to summer school, or just thrash them senseless.

So, enjoy your holidays, MP's! Actually, no, don't enjoy them. You don't fucking deserve them. Spend the whole time watching the pouring rain through steamed up windows, wondering glumly how the hell you came to fuck things up so badly.

You idle, self-regarding, incompetent fuckwits.

Related articles

• Minister admits need for helicopters (guardian.co.uk)
• UK faces slow economic recovery (news.bbc.co.uk)
• UK government debt: almost 9p of each £1 in tax will be needed to pay the interest (telegraph.co.uk)

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The latest fatuous, misguided slice of fuckwittery has just begun its long waddle down the catwalk. Prior to tripping over its own feet and falling flat on its vacant, drooling face, of course.

The Government today announced their very latest pissing-in-the-wind, fiddling-while-Rome-burns, re-arranging-the-deckchairs style initiative: "The National Talent Bank".

Now, although the word 'Bank' appears in the title, there's no actual money involved. Oh no. That's all gone. Instead, this is:

"part of the Government’s comprehensive approach to tackling the recession and is designed to ‘share the talent' between the private, public and third sector"

Developed by the Prime Minister's Council on Social Action (who?), The National Talent Bank will:

"act as an intermediary between companies, who are reducing their working hours, frontline volunteering opportunities, and third sector organisations who are best placed to deploy this newly-available talent into effective use in the community."

Unless CF is missing the point, this is just a fucking typcially devious way of saying that the unfortunately newly unemployed (as opposed to the vast numbers of long term, career unemployed) will be able to - instead of squandering their time looking for another fucking job - be of value to the economy and end the recession for ever by doing - what? - voluntary work.

At the same time, the companies who've tried to lay off people to reduce costs will be able to carry on paying those costs while receiving less - or even no - fucking work from the people they wanted to fire.

How in the name of fuck does any of that crap help with "tackling the recession"?

Gordon Brown, who appears to still be Prime Minister, said:

"The Government will do all it can to support this very British tradition of volunteering, and National Talent Bank will make it easier for people with valuable skills to volunteer and put their abilities to good use. Volunteers themselves benefit, as do the people they help and the country as a whole. So I welcome the National Talent Bank and wish it every success."

Tessa Jowell, Minister for the Cabinet Office, joins in,wittering:

“Volunteering doesn’t just help disadvantaged groups and communities; it also gives valuable skills to the volunteer, helping them to gain confidence and expand their own CV."

But Tess', love, babes, darlin, that is precisely fuck all use if they're not using that marvellously-expanded CV to look for a real fucking job.

And, inevitably, there's a cheeky soundbite flung in: the National Talent Bank is..

"designed to support existing volunteering programmes to provide additional real help to businesses and individuals affected by the recession"

Real help? Real fucking help? No, real help would be finding the "individuals" a REAL job. Or at least, helping the poor fuckers to look for one. Not dragging them off to paint old ladies fences, or flog suits collected from dead old men. And real help for businesses might perhaps mean giving them some REAL support, not pinching their fucking staff to mentor car thieves.


.

As CF struggles to crank up to 'normal' levels of rage and blog output, a whisper reaches him of an exciting new competition. Yes, it's the Total Politics' Blog Poll of 2009. Ta-daaaa! See the shiny logo, over there to the right. Click, go on, click it.

Being new to this game (month 3, folks), CF has no idea how important this is, and there's no indication as to what a high position in the polls will bring, but CF assumes that prizes will include cars, cash, fine wines and possibly ex-military helicopters, so that's got to be worth a try.

Equally, CF has no idea what to do to persuade you, the faintly appalled and slightly incredulous audience, to vote for him rather than the many other blogs out there (see the blog roll to the right for some deserving candidates - you have to vote for nine others, after all).

Is it a bribe you want? How much is the normal amount? Is Paypal alright for you? Could you do a receipt?

Or would it be better to make some threats? "Vote for Constantly Furious or .. or ..." ..a kitten will be kicked? ..Gordon Brown will remain in office for a hundred glorious years? ..Peter Mandelson will crawl under your bed after dark?

Who knows?

Anyway, vote for CF. You know it makes sense. Probably.

.

Constantly Furious is back. Two relaxing weeks bobbing about on the Ionian - with no newspapers, no television, no email and no interwebs - have lowered the blood pressure considerably.

However, CF is dismayed to learn on his return that we are still suffering under the same bunch of egotistical fuckwitted sociopaths who were ruining the country way back in June.

And that chippy twat SrAlan has sold his soul to Gordon and Peter for a cloak of ermine.

And the witless annual debate about how Oxbridge should only accept the offspring of the long-term unemployed, with no A-Level's, so as to be "fair", has begun.

And the promises of a "Barbecue Summer" were clearly the usual bollocks from the Met Office.

And Speaker Bercow, the media whore, is clearly turning out to be exactly as useless and pointless as everybody predicted.

And.. , and.. , and... there would appear to remain much to be furious about.

Thanks to all who visited and commented on the 'automatic' blogs during the break: the blogging equivalent of leaving the landing lights on and a radio switched on. But now its back to reality, and back to real time.

Now, to wade through the email, voicemail and junk mail backlogs. Then, to wade through the thousands of blogposts and news stories of the last two weeks. Then, no doubt, to rant furiously..



.

Please print this out, and fix it to the wall in your home or workplace.



One day, it could save a life.

WTF? That's my nightmares taken care of for a couple of months..

If only CF's internet connection lived up to this:



One day, one day..

CF, as regular readers will know, has been "looking for his next opportunity" (aka 'unemployed') for the whole 0f 2009.

One of the tiny, tiny, crumbs of consolation is the thought that maybe, just maybe, the endless search for tedious employment will be obviated by a massive, crushing, life-changing lottery win.

This bloody website cruelly sweeps away even that tiny hope.

All one does is to select one's favourite numbers - you know, the date of birth of your neighbour's dog, the first 12 digits of Kate Moss' phone number and so forth.

The infernal device goes away, crunches some numbers, reticulates some splines and then lays bare the whole ghastly truth.

That's right - it tells you what you would have won, had you entered the same numbers ever since the bloody lottery began, presumably in 1759.

Which, invariably, is not just fuck all, but substantially less than fuck all. That's right - the cost of the tickets is generally well in excess of the few paltry tenner won across the decades.

Damn it; is there to be no escape from this poverty?


.

A councillor in Wales had a home with a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.

The view was somewhat obscured, and the councillor was unhappy.

Bent on revenge, the councillor was delighted to discover that the house had been built a few inches higher than approved. He demanded that this be remedied.

The new neighbour had to spend a good deal of time and money altering the roof line. While he was doing this, he decided to add in some extra vents on the side of the building:





Interesting design, eh? What does that do to your view,Mr Snitchy?






The Local Authority has said the vents can stay since there is "no planning law referring to shutter design".

Ever woken up feeling that yesterday afternoon didn't quite go to plan?






And that you might be, perhaps, "in a bit of trouble"?


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Having trouble understanding some recently announced recession-busting policies. Say goodbye to policy-mystification misery with Constantly Furious' easy guide.

Scrappage : in exchange for having your old car or van scrapped you will receive a £2000 discount against a brand new vehicle, first registered to you. The government contributes £1000 and the manufacturer contributes the other £1000.

Cribbage: in exchange for being to old to stand the excitement of dominoes, you will get to sit in the corner of the saloon bar sipping mild ale;

Cabbage: in exchange for eating this bland yet unpleasant vegetable, you will receive 24 hours of foul smelling wind;

Baggage: in exchange for wanting to take more than just the clothes you're standing in on holiday, you will have your wallet emptied by Ryanair;

Babbage: in exchange for inventing the first computer, you will have endless cats, hamsters and file servers named after you by witty Computer Science undergraduates;

Cradle cappage: in exchange for picking flaking skin from your baby's head with your fingernails, you will receive a stinging slap from your spouse (warning: this can happen);

Scattage: in exchange for the money for your next fix of crack, you will have German men poo on you.


Hope that clears things up...

A lot of wannabe thespians fall into this trap..




The shame never really ends.

Got a a few spare moments? Got internet access? Want to be simultaneously amused and appalled at the gullibility of some people?

Get your browser over to the website of the Creation Museum, apparently "about a 30-minute drive from downtown Cincinnati, USA"

The museum has been constructed, at vast cost, because..

"Biblical history is the key to understanding dinosaurs"

So, those who are a bit sketchy on their biblical history can..

"Explore many of these amazing creatures along with fossilized dinosaur eggs, a triceratops skeleton casting, and much more!"

Once that's straight in your mind, you can continue to..

"Enjoy the wonders of God’s Creation as you uncover what natural selection can and cannot do. In this special exhibit, examine an aquarium that resembles a real cave. This cave aquarium features live blind cavefish, showing how natural selection allows organisms to possess characteristics most favorable for a given environment—but it is not an example of evolution in the molecules-to-man sense."

As if that wasn't enough,

"You’ll also uncover the truth about antibiotic resistant bacteria"

What, they pray too? And then, in the spirit of rigorous historical exposition:

"See the scaffolding, smell the freshly-cut timbers in the busy work site of Noah’s Ark. Delve into the belly of the Ark and imagine the stalls full of animals, in close quarters. Listen to the sounds of thunderous, driving rains and the pounding of water against the sides of the great Ark."

Presumably put together from old photographs of the event.

There's more, much more, over at the website. Dear god. Literally.

Mmmmmmmm, stupidity...


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There are only two things that can have this effect: Photoshop and Beer:




Oh, dear god. CF has just been a little bit sick in his mouth.

If you're not a Photoshop user, but you are intending to drink a lot of beer tonight, be prepared to wake up to an unpleasant sight tomorrow morning..

There are times when mere words are not necessary:



This is definitely one of them..

All this fury wears a man down. A vacation is indicated, to calm the frayed nerves.

Thanks to a surfeit of Guinness at the Boat Show in January, and the delusion of continued employment CF had at that time, a boat has long been booked and made ready, and must now be sailed around the Eastern Med' in a calming manner.

There will doubtless be much to be furious about, as the holiday plans involve the M25, Gatwick Airport, four teenage girls (no Mr. Glitter, not like that) and a vast number of insouciant locals, bent on emptying the wallets of sunburnt tourists.

There will however, be little opportunity to blog. And little access to news and current affairs. This latter is not a huge burden, as CF feels that if he is unable to hear what Messr. Brown, Mandelson and Balls are doing to this once-great nation for a few days, he will be spiritually richer.

If the Blogger 'scheduled' posts facility works as advertised, some random snippets may appear from time to time, but they will not be topical (and in most cases, they will not be funny either, but there you go).

Meanwhile, its up to you to rise up, take to streets, bring down the tyrannical government and set this nation free again. And perhaps water the tomatoes by the back door if you have a minute.

CF looks forward to returning to a radically different country, or even the same one he left behind, in two weeks' time.


Ciao a tutti.


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Related articles by Zemanta

• Heathrow And Gatwick Rated Worst In UK (news.sky.com)
• Amy Winehouse had an argument on her flight home (idiomag.com)

.. and another to go..


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As regular readers will know, CF finds the time to craft his occasional blog posts because he has been - ahem - 'resting' since February. Finding work in the beleaguered financial services sector is a little tricky at the moment. Vacancies are few, and salaries and contract rates are falling.

The gloom lifts a little, when a juicy opportunity appears. Right sort of work, very good money. Only one problem - the work is in the North of England, whereas CF is currently domiciled in East Anglia, and normally works in London.

No problem, trills the agent: weekly flights will be paid for too. What? And, she adds, there's more than one vacancy here. Tell your friends. Come one, come all. Good Lord.

So, lets get this straight: this client has multiple vacancies, is paying more than any of the serious, global players in the famously profligate City of London, and is willing to fly workers in, every week, from all over the land. Surely there's a catch? Surely no-one has that sort of cash to throw around?

Just who, pray, is this beneficent client?

"You may have heard of them..", says the recruiter, "..they're called Northern Rock."

Oh. Suddenly all becomes clear.

That would be the Northern Rock that belongs to us, the taxpayers. The same Northern Rock that is currently running on our fucking money.

The same Northern Rock that The Telegraph claimed, earlier this week, is going to be sold soon. Gordon Brown wants to flog Northern Rock, possibly to Tesco's, just as soon as he can.

Clearly the instruction has gone out to urgently polish the turd, patch it up a bit. Stuff it full of highly paid 'Interim' directors and managers, make it look like a proper company, then flip it to a greengrocer as soon as possible.

As usual, Broon doesn't really care how much he sells the Rock for: no, this is all about political advantage. If he can dump the body ahead of the election, its one more 'triumph' he can shout about at PMQ's.

And - even more importantly in Brown's twisted mind - it stops the hated Cameron getting any credit from selling it in the future - for a whole lot more - when it's properly mended, and when the markets have recovered. So it must be sold, and sold now.

And that costs serious money. Money on consultants, money on temporary staff, money to recruitment agencies, money for tens of flights up and down the country: the .. errrr .. 'investment' is endless. But, hey, no problem: it's millions well spent, in Broon's head, if it makes him look slightly better, and thwarts those nasty Tories.

We're watching the departure of one of the very last carriages of the Brown Gravy Train, the final chance to suck the very last drops from the well of government-supplied money. And this time, it can be done without even have to retrain to become a Civil Servant.


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Related articles

• Tesco eyes bid for Northern Rock (telegraph.co.uk)
• Northern Rock losses grow by more than £500m (telegraph.co.uk)

Just read Tory MP Greg Hands' account on Conservative Home of a visit to a school in his constituency by the dishonest duo, Gordon Brown and Ed 'Blinky' Balls, earlier this week.

Even allowing for the fact that - as a Tory MP - Hands is doubtless exaggerating and spinning the tale, it makes astonishing reading. He points out that:

"With my constituency being the closest marginal to Westminster, we are used to a few ministerial and shadow ministerial visits over the last ten years"

No doubt - its probably hard to move for gurning opportunists on the average Monday morning.


It is a documented Commons 'Convention and Courtesy' that MP's - of any party - are notified prior to a visit by Cabinet Ministers to what is, after all, their constituency.

Seems reasonable, eh? They were elected to the position, chosen by the people for the role; know what that means Brown? No? How about you, Mandelson?

Guess what? The convention was arrogantly ignored for political advantage. Who'd have thought? According to Hands:

"neither Brown nor Balls notified me of their visit. I found out from the Local Education Authority"

Sneaky fuckers. But wait, it was worse than that:

"When I arrived at the school 10 minutes early, waiting for me was a Ms Izzet from Ed Balls's office, who loudly announced, in front of an ITN camera crew, that I was "not invited"."

For fuck's sake. Does the arrogant bullying and deceit of this corrupt party never end? This is, after all..

".. a civil servant attempting to ban a Member of Parliament from a public facility in his own constituency.

In case there was any doubt as to Ms Izzet's party affiliation, and therefore her preferred modus operandi, she then gave a quick demonstration of traditional New Labour values:

"Realising that I wasn't moving, and in front of dozens of children eagerly awaiting the visit, Ms Izzet then tried to entice me to an office for "some refreshments". She was trying anything to get me out of the way.."

"Ms Izzet told me that I hadn't even myself visited the school, which was a lie"

A bit of 'stage management'? A blatant fucking lie? A quick smear? Oh, she's a Labour gal all right. As well as a neutral civil servant. Anyway, what the fuck has Hands' previous visits to a school in his own constituency got to do with you, you evil fucking harpy?

But this was her masters' special occasion, and she was buggered if she was going to have some nasty Tories wrecking it for them.

"Stephen Greenhalgh, Leader of the Council arrived, and Ms Izzet was remarkably and improbably even more confrontational towards him, even though the School was Council property and the Council is the Local Education Authority."

Dear god. Bear in mind, we pay this fucking woman, and she's supposed to be political neutral. What the flying fuck is she doing trying to chase away anyone who might criticise the dear leader? What is this, China?

Fortunately, both Hands and Greenhalgh eventually gained access to the school, and were then treated to what Hands described as "an hour of pure pantomime". Apparently, the woefully socially inept Brown blundered around making a complete arse of himself.

"Brown made a number of faux pas. His worst was to meet the same Italian teacher twice in 15 minutes and attempt to have the same conversation with her, forgetting he had already met her. Each time he told her he was looking forward to going to Italy next week"

Par for the course there, Gordon. No wonder your minders didn't want anyone around who might go 'off message' and actually report your ineptitude to the world.

Hands concludes:

"The school did a fantastic job under some pressure from the officials, but the overriding memory of this Prime Ministerial visit to my constituency is that Brown and Balls surround themselves with officials who might be even more hectoring and bullying than their masters."

But there's something Hands didn't know at the time. An extra facet to this sorry tale of bias and dishonesty.

So, the hilarious final twist? The ultimate turd in the punchbowl? It's this: the bullying bitch who put aside her political neutrality to ride roughshod over all convention, purely to protect her beloved Labour Party; the egregious 'Ms Izzet' who is fucking paid for by us, the taxpayers, is also .. wait for it .. a former girlfriend of Damien McBride. Clearly, he taught her well.


There really is no escape from the corruption, sleaze and deceit, is there?


.

Let's have a look at Peter Mandelson's statement this morning, regarding George Osborne, shall we?

The actual "yes-he-did, no-he-didn't" heart of the disagreement will never be resolved, as it's the words of one bunch of charlatans versus those of another, so we can set aside the pursuit of the actual facts: we'll never get to hear them.

More interesting, then, to take a look at the tone, and the overall aim (the 'narrative', if you will) of Mandelson's statement.

On reading it, one thing becomes crystal clear: you're on pretty fucking thin ice here, Mandelson. Let's pick out a couple of your carefully engineered sound-bites, shall we, Mandy?

“There is a very unattractive pattern of behaviour"

Fuck me. He's at it already. Your whole modus operandi and your entire political career, Manders, can be summed up as "very unattractive pattern of behaviour".

Everything you do, and the way you do it, is deeply unpleasant. No historian, not even a historian formerly employed by the Labour Party - or even the BBC - is ever going to pen the words "While he may not have acheived much with his time in power, Peter Mandelson was at least an attractive politician". You probably choose what socks to put on each morning in an unpleasant, self-aggrandising and yet completely deniable way.

The statement goes on ..

"..innuendo in pursuit of a smear."

Oh ho. File that one under 'pretty fucking rich', won't you? Innuendo? Smear? That's exactly what you and your party (and these days, it really is your party) have been doing non-fucking-stop for the last 12 years; not just against the evil Tories but against each other, against any opposition to Gordon, even against fellow Cabinet MP's who've dared to have an opinion.

You, Mandiee, even used exactly that approach on George Osborne himself, when he had the temerity to hint that it may have appeared that you might have been in a secret meeting with a dodgy billionaire, a billionaire whose business you were in a perfect position to help.

No sooner had the words tripped out of his foolish mouth than he, and the Tories, were buried in an avalanche of innuendo and smear, by you, you slimy bastard. You are, it has to said, fucking good - Premier League - at the stuff you're now decrying.

"I suggest George Osborne withdraws this deliberate untruth to avoid embarrassing his leader at Prime Minister’s Questions today”

Dear God. The patronising, leering, smearing tone of this line alone would make a nun want to kick your fucking teeth in, Mandalay.

Why the fuck don't you get Gordon Brown to withdraw the hundreds of 'deliberate untruths' that we've heard pouring from his fucking odious mouth over the last few months?

Or get Ed 'Blinky' Ball's to withdraw the 'deliberate untruths', no, the utter fucking lies he trotted out yesterday?

That way, they "might avoid embarrassing" their leader - you.

Anyway, probably best for you to steer clear of even mentioning PMQ's, Mandibum. As you well know, the person who is regularly, repeatedly, inevitably embarrassed there is our unelected PM, as he pathetically bellows a mixture of made-up tractor statistics and anti-Tory lies.

And you can't help him, can you, Mandela? Because you're not there. You can't attend PMQs. Because you're not an elected MP, are you? In spite of being the most powerful man in the land, no-one ever ticked a box to say they wanted to hear your opinions; not in the Commons, not on the Today program, and not through your other tame, lickspittle media worshippers.

Just fuck off, you sanctimonious hypocrite.


Hat-tip to Paul Waugh, who seemed to be first to get Mandy's weasel words online

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The rollercoaster of emotion that is the Constantly Furious blog has just ended its second full month. And, as with comedians and rock bands, second time is never quite as good. The glories of month 1 are not to be repeated.

The numbers are all down (or as Gordon Brown would describe them,"up") compared to last month.

This was probably partly through the slightly less frenetic amount of blog posting (only half of the previous month's), and - to be honest - partly down to a dramatic reduction in link-whoring at other mainstream blogs. This blog stands on its own two feet, baby.

So, lets get the mandatory disclaimer, copyright all other bloggers, out of the way

.... written purely for my own entertainment ... don't care who reads it ....wouldn't normally publish these figures ... not as big as Guido Fawkes ...stats are meaningless ... its all just willy waving ... no statporn on this site ... just this once ... etc. etc..

Was that right? Good. Now, here are the figures:



Most popular post for July was Gordon is a moron, with the video of our beloved leader referring to the holiday destination of his private dreams "Obama Beach", managing to offend hundreds and amuse thousands with his usual ineptitude.

In spite of this - ahem - 'downturn', CF is still reasonably chuffed about these figures, particularly given the fact that summer is raging away just outside the window, and there are much better things to do than read CF's tendentious drivel.

Thanks to all who hat-tipped, linked and quoted CF's humble scratchings, and thanks to all who visited.

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• P0rn! (of the statistical variety) (constantlyfurious.blogspot.com)